Relive
by Peanutbutter1
Summary: Sometimes, at night, when I remember her and the way she'd let me hold her when we slept, even though she knew what I was. I can feel her arms wrapping around me like a breath of warm air on my cold skin. I feel her even when I know she's gone, and when
1. I Grieve

****

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from BtVS or Angel even though I wish I did. They all belong to Joss and the rest of the gang. I don't own the song I used either. That belongs to Peter Gabriel 'I grieve'.

_This could really stand alone, but I found it sort of fits in nicely with my new piece. This sort of gives the other story an opening. This is about ten years after the events of six after 'As you Were' This fic is mostly B/S though Buffy's not really there. Lots of flashbacks. 

****Special note***** Italics are flashbacks. Italics and bold are lyrics to a song.

Relive

Prologue 'I grieve'

It was only one hour ago

It was all so different then

Nothing yet has really sunk in 

"It's hot."

"Yeah." 

"I mean especially for night. You'd think it would cool down a little." 

"I guess." Could he not think of anything else to prattle on about. Was it that bad? That we had to chat about the weather. Me who had been alive over a hundred years and always had a verbal jab on the tip of my tongue. Could it be possible that things were so bad I couldn't find anything else to talk about but the weather. I looked over at my shoulder into the shadows and caught sight of Xander's slightly slumped form leaning on Buffy's back porch. His arms were crossed over his chest and his gaze was focused on the sky. It was that bad. I was numb. 

"Sky's clear though." 

I sigh deeply, but he seems to ignore me. I don't know what to say this time. Do I indulge in his poor attempt at distraction, or do I tell him to fuck off and leave? I don't know at the moment. I'm numb to everything. Nothing really seems to be happening and all we can talk about is the weather. "Yeah, but we could use some rain soon." I glance down at the wooden steps under my feet and almost choke. It is that bad and I feel it now. 

"Everything's dying...I mean drying up...like plants and stuff." He prattles on endlessly for a couple of seconds as if trying to grab the air of indifference he had just been sporting, but failing miserably. From there it was just silence. A deathly silence I should have been pleased with, but I wasn't. I was confused. I was hurting. 

I swallowed and looked to the steps again. They were painted the same white from so many years ago except the paint was cracking slightly and peeling. The wood was the same though. We had both sat on these stairs, as enemies, as reluctant friends, as lovers. It was too much. How could a stair a bleedin' piece of wood almost tear me to pieces. I wanted his incessant chatter back at that moment I wanted to talk about the weather. I wanted distraction. 

__

"Why is it your always around when I'm miserable?"

"I guess that's when you're alone. I'm not much for crowds lately." 

"Neither am I." 

"I guess that works out nicely then doesn't it." 

It's not fair. Why is she haunting me with memories? Why does looking at this spot bring every conversation back to me. I can still hear her voice her tone. I feel her sadness her happiness. I feel all of it and there's nothing I can do to make it go away. It won't let me go. What's wrong with me. I'm not supposed to care. I'm not supposed to feel like this...this gut wrenching guilt that gnaw at my stomach. I'm not supposed to feel guilty, but I do. It's eating me, killing me and all I can do is stand on the back porch with the whelp and pretend everything is fine. I haven't wondered about my feelings for her in a long time. Why all the sudden now?

_"What's wrong?"_

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"Is there anything I can do?" 

They wouldn't stop. There were an ocean of memories, new and old assaulting me all at once and refusing to be dismissed. I remembered us as enemies, I remembered us as lovers and I knew that I would never make anymore memories. I felt the tears wanting to come, but I wouldn't let them. I'd already cried with her limp body clutched against mine. I had sniveled and begged for her not to die. I had begged them not to take her. A vampire praying to who? God? God, if he existed, didn't listen to demons, no matter how noble there plea. Crying hadn't helped then, it hadn't helped the last time and I wasn't going to do it again. It didn't fill the empty void in my chest, nothing I did would make it go away. It's still there now, tearing at me and demanding something I can't give. What does it want? I tried, I tried, but it wasn't enough. I had already failed too many times. 

**__**

Looks like it always did, this flesh and bone

It's just the way the we are tied in

But there's no one home

"Spike..." 

His voice trails off and I know it's coming. He's going to try and make me feel better. Doesn't he understand that it doesn't help. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I want to talk about the weather. I want to chase away the memories I want to forget. I want to forget everything. 

"Spike, I-I know that I never well...I'm sorry." 

I shut my eyes against his words. I'm going soft. His words almost comfort me. I can feel my demon under my skin itching to surface. He always wants out now. I want to let him out sometimes, but I restrain him. I can't talk about the weather anymore and I can't talk about her. 

"Buffy she told me that..." 

I can't listen to it, I don't want to hear her name on his lips. He's going to talk about how she's gone. He's going to talk about what happened. I'd avoided it for so long. I didn't want to. I was being childish, I was being stupid and down right very human, but I didn't care at the moment. I hopped off the porch and onto the grass striding across the lawn in large loping steps. I couldn't take it not now. I didn't want to. 

"Spike! Wait, Spike!" 

I ignore his cries. I want to yell something snide back at him to make him shut up but nothing will come, what's wrong with me? Growling angrily I yell and slam my fist into a tree as I exit her yard. I hear the wood splinter under my fist and I feel the rage, but it's nothing compared to what I still have bottled up. It wants out so badly it's screaming at me and I almost want to set it free. 

I push the bushes out of my way breaking limbs and just making a lot of noise. It feels good to do that and I almost smile, almost. As I exit her back yard I start down her street. The lamps cast strange shadows on the ground and across me. Light, I used to bask in her light. Growling deep in my throat I pick up a stray piece of cement and chuck it at the street lamp. My aim is a little off but it strikes the side of the glass and bulb crackles and goes out. That section of the street is plunged into darkness. I stand there for a moment look down. I catch sight of the white shirt and black tie around my neck. I'm not this. This isn't me. 

Snarling animlistically I tear off my leather duster and toss it to the side. I grab the tie, borrowed from, Xander and the shirt from Giles and I rip them to pieces. I'm black, I have no light. I'm evil. I want to scream it to the heavens. I want to tell everyone that I'm evil and it doesn't hurt, but it does. I lost her once. She died because I wasn't strong enough and now I stand in the same position, weak, grieving. I failed her again. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't fast enough and she paid the price, again. 

I watched them put her in the ground, this time it was a night ceremony, they did that for me, so I could go, but there wasn't any closer. I watched them bury her body and my soul and I was empty, but now afterward I can't face it. I can't do it again. I know she's not coming back, but the guilt builds in me threatening to break free. I killed her. I did it twice. I should have been proud. A long time ago I would have been.

I fall to my knees and sit there. I try to stop breathing, I don't need to. I don't breath I'm dead. She had always made me feel alive, but I was dead. I died a long time ago. After a few seconds I calm slightly and I stop taking breaths and I sink to the cement sitting in the darkness I wait, for what I'm not sure. I'm not sure of too much these days. I hadn't slept in five days. Not since that night. I couldn't sleep in our bed, not with her scent everywhere and her... I was used to her heartbeat thudding against my chest at night lulling me into slumber, and sometimes during the day, but always with her. 

"Spike, come inside, please." 

I know that voice. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Like a stubborn child I turn my head away from her and shrug out of her grasp. I didn't even hear her coming closer. I was losing my touch. "Go away lil' bit." I couldn't call her that anymore. She was grown. She was in college she was engaged. She didn't need me to protect her anymore. 

"I won't let you do this to yourself. It's not your fault. It was never your fault." 

She was pleading and even in the darkness I could see the sincerity in her eyes. I had always loved her for her show of compassion towards me. She had been more accepting of me than anyone, she was like my lil' sis. It was gut wrenching I had to get away. I didn't want look at her or think about any of it. 

"Just go away, Dawn." I'd never really called her by her name. "Go back inside, just leave me alone." And with that I did the most cowardly thing yet. I grabbed my jacket and ran. It felt good to pump my legs and arms and feel my tightly coiled muscles let loose. It felt so good. I ran all the way to my the cemetery, to where my car was parked not to far from my old crypt. I climbed into the driver's seat and let the engine roar to life as I headed out of Sunnydale. I didn't know where I was going exactly, but I need to let out some tension. I wanted to fight and then I wanted to get so drunk. I want to consume a bloody distillery. 

**__**

I grieve, and you'll leave, me

So hard to move on

They say life carries on, carries on, and on, and on, and on 

I know this bar. I'd gone there a lot after Dru left, that is before I came to Sunnydale to end the slayer's life, again. It was a demon and human bar, but demons mostly occupied the space. I opened the doors savagely and scanned the room. There weren't many present that night, but they would do. All I had to do was pick a real good fight and everything would feel better. I small smirk reminiscent of happier times crossed my lips. I stalked to the bar swaggering like I usually did. 

"Give me a bottle of bourbon." I demanded from the bartender. He looked me over slowly and handed the bottle over the counter with a shot glass beside it. 

"Ten bucks." He said.

I glared at him and grabbed the neck of the bottle before I turned away from the bar and sunk into a chair. The bartender didn't say anything else to me, but I knew he would get his if I didn't pay. The atmosphere was smoky and loud, this was just what I needed. I took a swing from the bottle and felt it burn down my throat, it felt good, it felt really good. I was going to drink until I didn't have to think about her, until I could forget about her and then I was going to fight. 

"Back against the wall nothing but fist and fangs." I sang merrily as I drank the last of my bourbon. I took another swig. As I sat there the alcohol making a merry run through my system my thoughts started to wander. I thought of her, I thought of what I'd lost. 

_"Why don't you try on my world for once?" Spike asked as he watched the slayer throw back another swig of bourbon. He smiled slightly when her face wrinkled up slightly and she gagged. _

"Does your world have drinks?" 

I chuckled to myself. She had been so wasted. I remember the clumsy way she had tried to fight that demon. If it hadn't been so weak she might have been in trouble. She most definitely wasn't much of a drinker. Even if she had been angry at the end of the night she had spent the entire night with me, willingly. Back then that had been an incredible triumph. Things after that had gotten progressively worse, with slight moments of good in-between. It hadn't been until later when we'd gotten past the shit and gone back to what it really was. We danced around the issue for so long. I'd had been so sick of it so ready to give up. 

_Spike paced in front of her. She was there again, she was torturing, haunting him except this time she was real, he couldn't take it anymore. She was driving him crazy. "Why do you insist on making my life hard?" Spike asked and ignored the startled look she gave him. "Stake me for God's sake, for my sake, but end the torture. I can't live like this, hell I can't even bloody die like this. I need to know if you want me. I need to know if the blood screaming in me to love you, to hold you, is telling me the truth. I need to know, Buffy," His voice lost it's sharp edge for a moment and Spike looked at her sincerely, pleadingly. He had never left himself so open to her. He was begging, "now if you love me." Spike trailed off and backed away. _

"We keep coming back to this place. I keep feeling you. I know you want me, why can't you accept that. I am a monster, but I love you Buffy, I've changed for you, for good." Spike leaned against the crypt wall afraid to look at her but he had too. What met him shocked him completely. She was staring at him intently her eyes shining with, emotion? His undead heart almost started beating. 

"Spike, I..." She trailed off and Spike turned away. 

"Never mind. You've told me, I shouldn't have thought things were different." 

"Listen to me Spike." Buffy stood in front of him her fingers pulling his face around to look into her eyes. "I try to fight you. I try to fight your love, your affection, everything and I can't. I thought it was obsession, that I was using you, but no matter how wrong my mind tells me this is my heart tells me to go to you." She had tears streaming down her cheeks and Spike reached to brush them away, but Buffy stopped his hand. Shutting her eyes and shaking her head. "So here I am. I love you Spike. However wrong and weird that is..." 

Spike stopped her speech with a kiss. He didn't need to hear any more. His heart surged with him and pulled her closer breathing her in remembering her. It had been so long since he'd held her in his arms. It had been so many years, long nights, since he could hold her. Now she was his, she had said so. She loved him and he was free.

The news that truly shirks is the empty, empty page

While the final rattle rucks, it's empty, empty cage

And I can't handle this

I swallowed hard the pain almost unbearable. I didn't want to do this. This was why I'd left in the first place. I didn't want to think about her. I didn't want to do this. This little trip down memory lane had the potential to kill me. Growling angrily I smashed the bottle against the counter spraying the liquid over the counter top and onto the demons sitting behind m. One of them began cursing in his tongue and I jumped out of my booth to face them. Smirking I didn't say a word, but punched one of them in the face. 

_Spike was nervous. He paced in Buffy's kitchen and silently thanked the gods he didn't sweat because he would be pouring buckets. His fingers went into this duster pocket and he pulled out a small ring box and clutched it. It was a present for her. Spike put it back and ran his hand through his hair messing his platinum blond hair into curls. He wasn't stupid, he knew she couldn't wouldn't marry him, but he had to let her know that his feelings ran just as deep. He wanted her to know that he was there for her, for life. _

"So you ready to patrol. I looking forward to a little ass kicking. Since you and me made up," She winked, "I don't have anyone to vent my frustrations on." 

"I thought we'd found other ways to ugh, relieve our frustrations." Spike said grinning madly. 

"Maybe." Buffy said grinning. "Come on we got the nasty to stop." She grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him toward the door, but Spike didn't move. 

Buffy turned around and looked at him curiously. He was staring at her hard his eyes wide and he took a deep breath even though she knew he didn't have to. "What's wrong?" She asked her eyes widening in fear. 

"Nothing." Spike amended quickly and crossed the room grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the counter. He sat her down in one of the stools and gestured for her to wait. "I just gotta say something." Spike paced for a moment and put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the box. He saw the fearful look on his slayer's face and for a moment he felt disappointed, she really didn't want him like that. He shook his head pushing that aside. He had known she wouldn't. He had to say this quick. 

"Listen, Buffy, I'm not asking you to give up your life." He handed her the box and took a moment to watch her admire the white gold ring with an interrogate swirling pattern etched into the precious metal and marvel at the shining blue stone embedded in the center of the designs. He was right she liked it. Ignoring his sense of accomplishment he pressed on. "You don't have to forget about children and that damn white picket fence you deserve. This is just to let you know where I always stand. I know you can't marry me and I don't want that, not really. I just want you to know where I stand is always beside you." 

Not much was said in the way of words after that and patrol was forgotten for one night.

  
I groaned as one of the demons picked up a barstool and smashed it over my back. That was going to leave a very unpleasant bruise. I hesitated for just a moment savoring the pain and the absence of thought it brought before I jumped back to his feet. "That all you got?" I asked and picked up one of the stool legs and smashed him over the head with it. His head swung back slightly and I dropped the leg and punched the demon in the stomach. My knuckles scraped and cracked against the tough hide, but I didn't care. The pain felt good. I jumped up and kicked the demon across the face and watched as he flew across the room and smashed into an empty booth. 

_Red, it covered his hands in a thick running stream. Looking at his fingers bathed in the warmth and glow of his love, his slayer. Her life her essence. His fist began to tremble and the smell repulsed him. _

****

I grieve, for you

You'll leave, me

Let me out of my vault

Missing what's gone

They say life carries on

They say life carries on, and on, and on

Spike screamed as he let a volley of punches land on the demons wayward partner. The scaly beast flew through the air and into the wall. It didn't get back up. The other demon had already been knocked out. Spike was breathing heavily, his chest heaving, his game face firmly in place. Turning slightly he looked for something else to vent on. Everyone had made a pretty clear circle around him and the broken furniture his little scuffle had caused. 

"You can't do this, not in here!" The bartender yelled and hopped over the counter. "It's best if you just leave." He grabbed the lapels of Spike's jacket, making the vampire break into a grin. 

"That so." Spike cocked his head to the side and punched the small humanoid demon in the nose and watched as he fell the ground clutching his injury. Blood poured under his fingers.

_Spike hardly caught the ending of the fight. He turned from his opponent grinning like mad at his victory when he saw the demon sneaking up on the slayer. She was defending herself rather well against the first two, but the third had a sword. Spike knew she was far away but he could make it. It was only a few hundred feet after all. Breaking into a run Spike ran to help her. _

When he'd only covered a few feet the demon with the long sword had joined the fray. Things looked less even. Spike quickened his pace as Buffy stumbled and then it was too late. The demon behind her thrust the sword through her back and her stomach. The blade burst through her abdomen before he gave the blade a vicious twist and pulled it out. 

"No!" Spike screamed his pace increasing yet again as he watched her fall to the ground. The demons were already on her, trying to devour her, to relish in their victory. 

There was no one left to fight. The bar was in ruins the chairs and liqueur bottles busted. Spike put his hand to his head and felt the cold blood running down the side of his face. His blood. Wining he stepped through the crowd feeling the onslaught of bruises making themselves present on his beaten body. He clutched his chest with one free hand and limped out the door. It hung half-way off it's hinges and a passed out vamp was sitting in the entry way. 

The darkness surrounded him as he got back into his car still feeling the rage running through him and the anger refused to leave. He cranked his car jerking the ignition violently and as the rumbles of the engine shook his body he closed his eyes his head falling onto the steering wheel. Clutching the wheel with both hands, he opened and closed his hands running his palms along the familiar plastic. Spike shook his head and felt the tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to do this, but the memories refused to fade. He couldn't forget that it was his fault.

**__**

Life carries on in the people I meet

And everyone that's out on the street

You know the dogs and the cats

and the flies and the rats

and the ruin and the rust

in the ashes and the dust

_The demons were dead, lying around the both of them like the scenes out of a clique action film. Spike lifted Buffy off the ground holding his hand over her stomach and pressing on it, trying to somehow make the blood stop flowing. Her warm life ran over his hand into his skin. He could smell the life leaving her and death claiming her body. She'd lost too much blood, the wound had hit something vital. She was going to die. He knew yet he refused to admit it. _

_"Buffy, luv, can you hear me?" He asked shaking her slightly his voice calmer than it had ever been. _

Buffy lifted her eyes slightly and shuddered under his hold. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, luv." Spike said still denying what he could see happening. The life was draining from her cheeks. He couldn't stop it. He swallowed and looked over his shoulder, desperate for someone, something to help him. 

"He got me didn't he?" Buffy asked as she looked down her eyes not even widening at the sight of her own flowing blood. 

"Don't worry about it." Spike said calmly. "We're going to get you out of here." With that Spike lifted her one arm around her back and the under her knees. "Put your hand on the wound, luv. Hold it there." Spike moved her fingers to press into her wound and flinched when her heard her hiss. 

"It's hard to breathe." 

"It'll be okay." Spike whispered and hugged her closer. "We'll be okay." 

"Did one of them get you?" Buffy asked looking him over carefully with her intense green eyes. 

"Hardly a cut, pet." He said absently his eyes scanning the end of the graveyard for a car or something to take them to a hospital. 

"Good." She said in almost a low sigh. "I can't breathe real well. I think they got something." She gasped out. 

Spike looked down at her briefly. There was a red trail coming out her mouth and dripping down her pale chin. He could feel her clammy, sweaty skin even through her clothes.

I gripped the wheel tighter until I could feel the plastic wheel painfully against my skin. I heard the plastic crack and then splinter as I crushed it under my fingers. Outraged, I jumped from the car pulled back my foot and kicked the tire. I kicked it again hitting the rim with my heel and bending it inward. Buffy was gone, I had let her die.

_Spike dropped to his knees finally realizing it was hopeless. He couldn't save her. He'd failed her again. He gazed down at her seeing her wandering green eyes and knew there wasn't much time left. He wanted to tell her so much at that moment. He wanted to tell her that she meant everything to him, that she was his soul, his life. He wanted to tell her everything he had ever thought, but there wasn't enough time.. _

"Please, Buffy." Spike whispered running his fingers through her short blond locks. "Look at me, pet. Look at me Buffy." He was afraid he was too late when her eyes refused to focus on him, but eventually they stilled. "I love you Buffy." He whispered to her and placed a warm chaste kiss on her cold lips. She was dying right before his eyes. 

Buffy smiled shallowly and reached a hand up to brush his cheek. She smiled her eyes looking warm and focused. She didn't say anything before her eyes left his deep blue balls of ice and her hand dropped to her side. 

Spike felt her entire body sag as her weight settled on him. Letting the tears finally fall he hugged her close to him ignoring the blood. "Don't leave me Buffy, not again. Pet," He brought his shaking hand to her face and brushed it lightly. "Buffy, I'm sorry." 

I yanked the wheel violently and turned onto Revello drive. There were still a few cars in the driveway. One was the watcher's he was staying here before he went back to England the other was the bit's. She was in college still but had taken two weeks off when she'd heard the news. I ignored the driveway and parked on the curb one of my tires running over the rise and scrapping loudly on the sidewalk. I swaggered up the walk my tears forgotten and replaced by anger. I was sick of this I wanted to leave. 

The halls were dark and I knew that it was late. Dawn wouldn't have gone to bed unless it was really late. I walked up the stairs quietly not really wanting to wake her but more than that I didn't want a confrontation. I stalked down the hall passing Buffy's old room where the Watcher was sleeping and past Dawn's room to our room, mine and Buffy's. My hand hovered over the knob for a moment shaking slightly. It hadn't always been our room. It was her mom's first, then the witches, and when they'd moved out he and Buffy had claimed it as their own. It was slightly different, with a little of each of us combined and thick dark curtains covering the windows to block out the morning sun. I didn't linger on the bed. A place where sacred things had been said and nights of endless passion had been spent. Instead I stalked past it and opened the closet. I gazed at the complete divide of our stuff. My side was mostly black with a few gray's and an occasional blue to appease Buffy and her side was an array of colors. I froze my hand gripping the frame as I thought of her. I could see her laughing her hair flying around her face, it was a fantasy, it wasn't real, but I could almost touch her. 

**__**

Life carries on and on and on and on, life carries on and on and on 

Just like the car that we ride in 

The home we reside in

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

As life carries on and on and on, life carries on and on and on 

I pulled myself out of the illusion reluctantly and back to reality. I grabbed a few of the clothes still on the hangers and threw them onto the bed behind me. Next I yanked a large duffel bag out of the top of the closet and tossed it there as well. I was about to turn around and leave, but something told me to stop. Maybe it was foolish and slightly obsessive, but I kneeled in front of the closet and riffled through the basket of dirty clothes against the dresser. I pulled out a light blue sweater and tossed it onto the bed. I didn't have to smell it to know it smelled like her. It was stupid, but I couldn't bring himself to put it back. Opening one of the drawers, I began to pull out a few pairs of pants and toss them into the pile. 

"I was wondering when you'd get back?" 

I looked up and saw Dawn standing in the doorway. Her light brown hair was a slight mess and she was wearing a pair of pale blue pajamas with the words 'Princess' scrawled across the front. She covered her mouth and yawned slightly. I didn't say anything but nodded at her. 

"What are you doing?" 

I looked at her and saw the slightly shocked look on her face and the caught the hitch in her voice. I didn't want to answer her, but I knew I had to. Things were a lot different. I'd never be able to leave without a word. I stopped stuffing things into my bag and looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. 

"You got a boyfriend, now don't you bit." I asked and sat on the edge of the bed and pulled a cigarette out of my duster pocket. I put the stick between my lips but didn't light it. Buffy hated it when I smoked in the house. A silent voice warned me that she wasn't there anymore, but I ignored it. It was a comfort to me to just let it sit there. 

"Yeah." She looked confused her eyes wide and her head shaking. "What does that..." 

I cut her off and glanced at her with a solemn expression. She would usually listen to me when I looked at her like that. Buffy had been the same way. In fact their expressions were a lot alike. "Is he good to you lil' bit?' 

She was silent for a moment before she set her jaw and smiled slightly. "Treats me like a queen." 

"Bloody well better." I said and trailed off slightly before I started again. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and twirled it between my fingers. "He does anything to hurt you...anything I'll kill him." I looked at her seriously. "Chip or not." 

She smiled almost laughing. "I'll make sure he gets the threat." 

"Good." I went back to packing not really sure why I had even said that. I hadn't answered her question I guess I supposed she would just leave, but she didn't. 

"Spike, that's great and everything, but you didn't even answer my question." She stepped into the room and sank onto the bed beside me and fingered a few of my shirts absently. "I don't need you to tell me why your beat up and bleeding. I pretty much can guess that, but Spike I..." She trailed off clarity running over her features. "I don't want you to go." 

I knew she wasn't stupid. She knew I was leaving, heck anyone who came into the room would be able to see I was cleaning it out. "Don't make this harder than it is." I said getting to my feet and stuffing more clothes into my bag. "There are no other scenarios. Sunnydale never gave me anything but bleedin' problems." 

I looked up just as I zipped the large part of my bag closed. Her eyes were tearing as if I was tearing something from her. I felt bad about it. I didn't know why the Summer's, these people, had such a hold over me, but I stopped.

"You promised." She stuttered. "You promised to protect me." She gripped the sheet with her fists and looked up at me again a few tears falling down her pale cheeks. "On your love for my sister you swore you'd watch over me." She got determined again her jaw set. "For that reason alone you have to stay!" 

I watched her my head cocked slightly and strode to where she stood I took her hand in mine and ran my thumb over her skin and my other hand smoothed her hair. "Look, lil' bit, Dawn, I said I'd protect you because of you, not for you're sister. You don't need me to take care of you anymore." I saw her face fall again and wiped a few of her tears away. "You have your boyfriend." I swallowed. "You said he treats you like a queen." She nodded at me slowly unable to speak. I smiled a little at that. "When he stops doing that I'll come back." I allowed myself to sit there for a moment before I pulled away. I wondered why I was leaving for a moment before I went to the dresser and nicked a few pictures of her off the counter and shoved them in my bag. I grabbed one of her necklaces and started out the door. 

"Tell the witches they can live here. The payments are all made and as long as they keep all Buffy's stuff and mine they can do whatever they want." 

She didn't stop me. I really didn't expect her to. I didn't know where I was going, or what I would do when I got there, but I knew if I stayed here I would be consumed by her memory. I would drown. I had to get away. I need to understand why it hurt me so badly. I knew I loved her. I just wanted to know why.

_"You're all I bloody think about, dream about. You're in my gut, my throat. I'm drowning in ya Summers. I'm drowning in you."_

****

Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream 

Now I will find relief

I grieve


	2. Welcome to the Hellmouth, agian

****

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BtVS characters. But Alisa and Kirk are mine

_This takes place about a hundred plus years after the prologue. Italics still mean flashbacks.

Relive 

Chapter 1 'Welcome to Sunnydale, again'

2140 There have been 15 new slayers to date. Most haven't lived past ten years after they were called. Some tragically died after only two years. The current slayer is only 17. She's from Kansas and has just arrived in the hellmouth by call of her watcher, Kirk Thems. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~```

Alisa Marshall rolled her neck and sighed heavily as the familiar sounds of night reached her ears washing over her in almost a calming song. The silence was more to her than the sounds of daylight, the chirping birds, the warming rays of sunlight, and even the reflections the light left on the ground were foreign to her. She hardly remembered the day. The night was where she belonged. She stalked death, killed, maimed, murdered. She was a creature of the darkness. 

When Kirk had picked her up from the orphanage when she was sixteen she had thought that the government had finally gone insane, but she soon learned that she had been the insane one. It was insane for her to think that she would ever have a family. Her family included the night and a group of undead demons called vampires. Kirk was good to her. He helped her out gave her what she needed, but Kirk couldn't be a father. He was hardly old enough to live on his own. This was his first time as a Watcher and he was doing to best he could but Kirk was still young and Alisa found that most of the time she had to make up for his mistakes. She forgave him though, he was family, the only family she would ever have. 

Alisa propped her foot on tombstone in front of her digging her boot clad heel into the granite and getting a good grip. She scanned the yard with a slight morbid fascination. Sunnydale Cemetery was really full. She knew from Kirk that this was the hellmouth, the brewing pot for all evil, but it amazed her that so many insisted on living in the small town when the death ratio exceeded that of downtown New York or the bad streets of Los Angeles. She had no idea why she was here. Every place was the same. They all had vampires, there were always things for her to kill. No matter where the pattered followed her like a plague. 

"Might bloody keep it in mind to watch where you put your feet, Slayer." 

Alisa looked up just in time to see a pale hand reach up from the darkness and take hold of her foot flinging her backwards. Her entire body lost it's balance and she hit the ground with a thud ringing in her ears. She looked around with a slight fear creeping inside her. She hadn't heard or scene anything before it happened. She swallowed her hand reaching into her coat pocket for her stake, but coming up empty as her eyes widened and she tried to see who it was that knocked her over. Whoever it was knew she was a slayer. 

"Slow, bloody snail like if you ask me." The voice came again dripping heavily with British decent and character. 

Alisa jumped to her feet her eyes catching sight of a black clad man with bleached blond hair standing in front of her. His face was very defined his cheek bones set deep into his handsome face and a pair of striking blue eye evident even in the impending darkness that surrounded them. He was smirking at her as he paced in front of her his hands shoved in his pockets. Alisa dropped to a fighting stance not really sure what to make of him. He didn't act like any vampire she'd met before, a demon maybe. 

"So it's a fight you want." The man said shaking slightly with laughter. "That's a real joke there. I'm not going to fight you. It wouldn't be worth my time, sweetie." He said the last part mockingly and reached into his pocket and pulled out a long wooden stake. "You were planning to shove this through my heart I guess, but you didn't hang onto it very well. I pulled it right out of you pocket before you hit the ground." 

"Who are you?" Alisa asked narrowing her eyes and balling her fists tighter. So he was a vampire. 

"Doesn't matter really. I'm probably the oldest vampire you've met and I'm not exactly itching to end it yet. Not that I think you're a match for me anyway, but accidents happen." The vampire shrugged casually and gestured to the grave she had had her foot one only moment earlier. "You just happened to put your foot where you shouldn't." 

Alisa looked down cautiously and read the name scrawled across the front. 'Buffy Anne Summers'. "Someone you killed?" Alisa asked mockingly. "Or are you waiting for them to rise. Made yourself a new friend." She watched as the vampire sucked in some unneeded air and laughed. 

"Full of the mocking huh? No wonder the baddies hate ya. Only seventeen and already so feared." He laughed again and narrowed his eyes. "but if you know what's good for you won't talk about her like that anymore."

"How do you know I'm a slayer?" She asked suddenly not off guard, but she relaxed slightly. 

"You scream it girl. You're sitting all alone in a cemetery at soddin' one o'clock in the morning wielding a stake. I'd have to be an invalid to not know what you were." He reached into his pocket again and pulled the stake out. He twirled it in his fingers a slight smile crossing his face before he tossed it back to her. "Better hold on to that." 

"Thanks." She said un-surely and grasped the stake tightly before putting it back in her jacket. "I think." 

"Well I didn't come here to lecture you. I came her to visit someone that you just happened to be sitting on. I'm sure you have a patrol to perform so if you wouldn't mind sod off." The man waved his hand and pushed around her to stand in front of the grave. 

Alisa didn't like being dismissed so quickly. He didn't even seem concerned that he had turned his back to her. She could kill him in a second and he didn't seem as if he cared. Someone she almost had the urge to walk away from him to leave him there to do whatever it was he was doing, but he was a vampire and she was slayer. She couldn't just leave him there to hurt people. Before she could give it another thought she jumped toward him her stake raised and prepared to dust him. What she didn't expect was the hand that wrapped around her wrist and twisted it viciously until the stake dropped from her fingers. Her mouth was opened wide, but nothing came out as she watched him narrow his eyes and cast her to the side with more annoyance than anger. 

"Girl I told you I wasn't looking for a fight. I don't want to fight you. I don't want to hurt you, but if you keep pushing me I just might change my bloody mind. Now leave me alone." He growled his eyes flashing a momentary yellow before he turned back around and looked at the grave again. 

Alisa was confused by his complete and total dismissal of her skills. To him she was no threat. Alisa was surprised by the wave of anger that swept over her. She had never not been intimidating. She was always taken seriously. 

"Slayer, go away." 

Alisa looked up from her cloud of anger and found the vampire again. He wasn't looking at her, but his eyes were clouded over and he stared at the grave intently. His hands were rummaging through his pockets before he pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and stuck on of the sticks in his mouth. He lit it with a bright silver lighter and replaced both items before he spoke again. 

"I only come here a couple times a year. It's something that can't be helped and your the first bint who's gotten in my way. Now I'll be outta here in a couple of weeks. So why don't we stay away from one another." He took a lengthy drag on his cigarette and turned to look at her a small trail of smoke surrounding his face. 

Alisa tensed. "I don't make deals with demons." 

"Yeah well if it's got to be that way." He said slowly and stamped out the cigarette. "Figured it would be all the slayers I've ever met were almost the same. They were all stubborn. That they all had in common." 

"You've met slayers before?" Alisa asked.

"Three formally you could say." He said causally and cast one last look at the large granite stone before turning to her again. 

"You killed them." 

He nodded slowly his bleached head nodding back and forth. "Bloody hell yes I've killed slayers before. That was a long time ago, girl. I only killed two."

"But you said you've met three. I...am I, am I the third." She asked her voice shaking far more than she would have liked it to. 

"Little conceded there aren't we. No aren't the third one. Technically you would be the fourth." He smoked the last of his cigarette and looked back at the grave a distant look coming across his youngish face and all the sudden Alisa saw an age in him that wasn't possible. He looked old perhaps as old as he really was. 

"What happened to the other one?" Alisa couldn't help the curiosity that wormed it's way into her mind. She just wanted to know. She had to know. 

He snorted. "You sure are more chatty than the other ones. The third one hmm I hated her, I tried to kill her, I loved her, I killed her, and then I vowed to spend the rest of my 'unlife' with her. Satisfied." With that said he turned away from the grave and walked away. "I don't really have to be here until this Friday. How about you just stay out my way on that day all right." Without even a second glance at the girl he disappeared into the darkness. 

Alisa watched him leave her mind reeling with the information. It didn't make any sense. What was he talking about? She didn't really feel like slaying anymore. She needed to talk to Kirk, maybe he had some answers to these questions and maybe he could tell her the identity of the bleached vampire. Alisa bent down and tucked the stake in her pocket before turning away from the graveyard and back toward the her house. There house wasn't far from the graveyard, easy shifts, Kirk had said. She was home within five minutes. 

"You're back early. Is everything all right?" Kirk's deep voice wafted in from the kitchen and Alisa could just barely catch the scent of stale coffee hanging in the air. Kirk had been working non-stop since they'd gotten there. 

"I ran into someone I thought I might need to ask you about." Alisa said and shrugged her way out of her light jacket and heard the dull clang as the stake banged on the back of the chair she set it on. She stretched slowly and brought her arms over her head before she rounded the corner. Her short brunette locks were secured to her head with an elastic and fell in small natural waves around her face. 

"Oh who might that be?" Kirk asked shortly and looked up just briefly from his small flat laptop to make sure she was all right. 

Alisa focused her green eyes on the man who was supposed to be her protector. His pale hair surrounded in head in an unkempt mess and a pair of thin rimmed glasses sat perched precisely on his nose. He wasn't but six years older than she was. He wasn't supposed to be fighting evil anymore than she was, but there he was. 

"He didn't tell me who he was. He's a vampire though a very old on I'm guessing. He said he's killed two slayers." Alisa said evenly and actually smirked at the shocked expression that spread across her watcher's face. 

"D-did you fight him?" He asked anxious. 

"No, he didn't want to fight. In fact he just wanted me to leave him alone." Alisa shrugged and sunk into the chair just across from her watcher. "What do you think." 

"I'm not really sure, but then again there are a lot of vampires running around that have managed to survive. I'll to look it up. Was there anything about him that would make him easier to find. Usually vampires, especially older ones, love to show off there reputations." 

"Well this one didn't even seem to want to have anything to do with me. He only told me about the slayers because he slipped and said something about meeting three slayers before." Alisa pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and put her chin on her knee. "He had bleached blond hair, how he does that is beyond me, and blue eyes." 

"Sounds more like a beach bum than a vampire." Kirk said dryly. 

"Trust me." Alisa said rubbing her aching wrist absently. "He's all vampire. He wore a long leather duster and all black. I can't really remember anything else except he was cocky as hell. He wasn't even afraid of me." 

Kirk frowned and bent back to his computer. "Some of that sounds slightly familiar. I'll check it out though. What was he doing out there, how did you come across him? Was he feeding?" 

"Throw them at me all at once why don't you." Alisa complained. "He wasn't feeding in fact. He was mad because I had my foot on some grave he wanted to look at. I checked out the date on the stone. This chicks been dead since like 2000 and something." 

"What was her name?" 

"B...something Buffy something Summers." Alisa said slowly. "I think." 

"Hmmm." Kirk mumbled falling into watcher mode. "I'll look it up. You just go to bed." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````

Spike stepped out of the rising mist of the graveyard pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and stuck it between his lips. He didn't light it immediately but let it hang from his upper lip for a brief instant before pulling out his silver lighter and catching the end one fire. He took a long drag before taking it out of his mouth and taking another step forward. His gothic style boots with various straps and laces flapped around his ankles were the latest repair jobs had gone awire. He'd fixed the stupid things a million times. He knew that he should just buy some more, but it was hard to find any that he liked. These boots were classics. Spike stumbled over a patch of uneven earth and glanced down at his shoes the black rubber heel was coming undone again. Spike snorted unhappily and took another drag before announcing his misfortune out loud. 

"Classic boots with no soles." He mumbled unhappily and flicked at the bottom of his shoe and pounded at the flapping heel attempting to push it back into place. It took a moment but on the last pound it stuck and Spike smiled slowly at the small triumph. With the minor problem solved Spike continued his walk and his smoke, retracing the steps he'd taken earlier. "Nothing lasts forever."

~~~~~~~~~~~`````

_"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled loudly his voice puncturing the air like a dart. Spike narrowed his eyes at the demon he had been fighting and balled up his fist. He let the punch fly followed by a kick to the beast's gut. The demon didn't even have time to fight back before Spike pulled a branch off a nearby tree and smashed him over the head with it. The green scaly beast crashed to the ground in a pile of unconscious demon flesh and slime. "That's what you get ya wanker." Spike protested and dropped the clean end of the slime covered stick and looked over his shoulder briefly catching sight of the slayer. "Hand me that sword pet. I've got a job to finish." _

Buffy pulled the sword out of the demon's chest bringing a trail of purple blood and a few chucks of gore out with it. "Ewww." Buffy said slowly and tucked a lock of her short blond locks behind her ear before turning to Spike. She tossed him the sword which he caught promptly and aimed for the beast's head taking it off cleanly. 

"That's what you get." Spike told him readily even though it was obvious the creature would never hear his words. He jammed the sword into the soft earth of the cemetery and scowled. 

"Jeez what'd he do to you?" Buffy asked as she gazed at the mess the cleaving had caused with a slight morbid curiosity before she turned back to Spike who was pacing menacingly a few feet away from her. After a minute he dropped to the ground and pulled his right boot off examining it closely. 

"Kinda hard to see in the dark." Buffy said slowly still searching for an answer, but slightly amused by his display. "What happened?" 

Spike rotated the shoe for a moment and set it on the grass beside him and pointed to the beheaded demon. "Those little buggers with the daggers, you know in their arms, well he took a swipe at me and I jumped out of the way." 

"I'd figure you'd be happy about that." Buffy said bluntly and almost laughed at the patronizing gaze he scent her. 

"Yeah well when I jumped the pillock caught my boot and ripped the buckles." He held up the ragged remains of his shoe and frowned. "I've had these things since, like the seventies." 

Buffy laughed shortly and covered her mouth when she saw his expression. "Poor whittle Spikey." She said between giggles. "He has to go shopping." 

"Very funny luv." Spike mumbled. "Try buying a pair of shoes on my budget." 

"Oh come on." Buffy started, "it seems like if I'd been an arm you'd been less upset." 

"I love my shoes." He protested and pulled the destroyed shoe back on his foot and tightened the strings still attached to compensate for the lack of buckles. "They make me look tough." He winked at her and hopped to his feet trying out what was left of his shoe. "Sides they have great arch support." 

Buffy rolled her eyes and pulled the sword out of the ground beside the beheaded purple and green demon and came to stand at his side. "You're such a baby." She wiped the blade of her sword on the grass and put it back in the small sheath at her side. "Come on we have work to do. That is if you can still walk." 

"I'll try luv, but I just don't know if I'll be any help." He said mockingly and hopped from one foot to the next. "Do I look off balance to you?" 

Buffy slapped his arm none too lightly and grabbed hold of his duster. "Let's go we have work to do." She yanked him toward her and he fell into step behind her a slight grin coming across his lips. The rest of the night went off without a hitch. They only came across a couple of vamps that they dusted easily and patrol ended earlier than usual. 

Spike headed home still lamenting silently about the loss of his shoes. He really had grown fond of them, they were like his trade mark. They were almost as important as his duster. Without his duster he just didn't feel right. Spike rolled his neck and stepped into the crypt and headed down the stairs. He only had a few hours before sunlight, he figured he might as well get to bed early. 

Spike stripped off his clothes on his way to the bed and climbed in naked pulling the single sheet around his body as he started to drift off. Vaguely he realized it was about the first night he had gone patrolling with the slayer and it hadn't ended in a fight, physical or verbal. Maybe things between them were getting better. Spike rolled over and closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep. 

``````````````

Spike felt something slam into his stomach and he grunted. This definitely wasn't the way he wanted to wake up. He forced his eyes open slowly and looked at what had hit him in the stomach. He narrowed his eyes at the offending object. It was a box wrapped in newspaper. 

"What the hell?" He asked and sat up the sheet slipping off his naked torso and pooling around the box now in his lap. 

"You sleep like the dead Spike." Buffy said from the other side of the room. "If I had been out to kill you, you'd be dead or well dust anyway." She smiled cockily and crossed her arms. 

Spike snorted. "Not everyone is as quiet as you pet." He lifted a brow. "What are you doing here slayer?" 

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know, but it could have something to do with the newspaper wrapped box that woke you." She started to smile but pushed the curl out of her lips and gestured toward the box. 

Spike shifted and picked the box up shaking it slightly. Whatever was inside didn't move much. He shot her a suspicious glare. "This isn't some sort of jack-in-the-box deal is it?" 

"Jack-in-the...what are you talking about?" Buffy asked. 

"You know open the box something pops out, maybe a little stake attached to a spring." Spike made the motion with his hand of someone staking something. 

"Trust me it's completely Spike safe, just open it up." She rolled her eyes and gestured for him to open it. 

Spike gave her one last look before focusing on the package and slowly undoing the wrapping. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes. She was anxious even if she didn't want to appear to be. She was biting her lower lip slightly and her eyes were shining with anticipation. The only thing he could think that would bring her that much joy was his death. Despite his internal warnings he stripped the paper and lifted the lid to a black shoe box. Nestled on the inside among some white tissue paper was a pair of black combat type boots, much like the ones he owned. 

"So do you like?" Buffy asked unable to hold her excitement. 

Spike was in awe as he pulled out the shoe and looked it over. It was made of a expensive leather as far as he could tell. There were four buckles up the side of the shoe made of canvas that strapped to the other side. There was a row of strings under the buckles and the sole and tread on the shoes were thick. He turned it over almost not believing they were his. 

He looked up slowly in confusion. "Why?" He asked slowly. 

Buffy shrugged. "Didn't want you're feet to start hurting with no arch support." She smiled slowly. "Why don't you try em on. We can try em out. You know with a little patrolling." 

Spike nodded as he watched her disappear from the lower part of his crypt and back to the top level. "Hurry up!" She called down at him. 

Spike was still sitting there when she left the shoe clutched in his hand. 'It's just a shoe.' He told himself steadily. 'But she gave them to you. She was thinking about you.' Spike grinned and climbed out of bed. He pulled on his clothes and the shoes lastly. They fit perfectly. He flexed his toes for a second breaking them in and grinned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````````

Spike flexed the foot of his shoe like he had done so many years ago. They were the same shoes. The same shoes his slayer had given him. The reason he held them so highly was she had given those to him before she had said she loved him, before they had slept together or they had begun their little game of cat and mouse. She had given those to him because he was her friend and that had been their first step to love. 

Spike pulled the used cigarette out of his mouth and ground it into the grass with the toe of his boots and looked to where he had taken himself. He was back in front of her grave. It wasn't like he was surprised to be there, this was where he had been heading. After his nasty little run in with the new slayer he hadn't been able to do what he wanted to. It was still four days until the anniversary of her death, but he liked to come see her before the actual day. Other wise it was only him thinking of her death and the thing he loved most about her was the way she had lived her life. 

It made sense he was dead, he knew he was dead, and the light she gave off bathed him every time he was near her. Her life, her light made him feel alive. Spike knelt on the ground in front of the tombstone and reached his fingers out and ran them over the engraving of her name. His long pale fingers sank into the impressions as he traced her name. In his head he said the letters as his fingers ran over them. When he was finished he let his palm outstretch and he hung his head. 

"Buffy." He whispered and let his fingers run down the granite until it fell back on his knee. 

"I thought you'd be here." 

Spike didn't even turn around. He knew that voice. After all he'd know him for almost two hundred years. The man was the reason he was a vampire. He had turned his sire. He was the one with the soul, the do gooder, the one who was supposedly better than he was and always would be. 

"Angelus." Spike said sighing as he was interrupted again and hopped to his feet. "Paying respects? You're a little early." 

Angel shrugged and walked around to stand in front of his childe. "I usually pay my respects on the day, but I'm not here for that." 

"Another vision huh? I don't think I've heard of Cordilia there having one of those in a couple of years." Spike said slowly and turned away from the grave. His talk would have to wait, again. 

"She hasn't. In fact I was beginning to wonder if The Powers to Be had forgotten about me." Angel replied and put his hand in the pocket of his trench coat. 

"Forgotten about their soulful vampire seeking redemption. Not bloody likely mate." Spike said smiling slightly. 

Angel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." He shrugged and looked at the grave briefly something unintelligible leaped across his expression. 

Spike creased his brow a small amount of hidden jealously making itself present. He had never had much of a fight with Angel over Buffy, but he still felt the weight of their relationship. He had been Buffy's first love and even it hadn't worked out he was stupid to think she'd never thought of him while she was with him. He stepped in front of the grave blocking his sire's view and pulling him back into their present discussion. "Something to do with the new slayer I presume." 

Angel flinched as Spike stepped in front of his gaze and Spike could see the old dominance seeping into his gaze. He didn't like being upstaged by his childe, but he didn't say anything about it. Angel had changed, much like Spike had. "Actually it does. All I know is that in a few days the new slayer and her watcher die." 

"What does it matter. They'll call a new slayer. The council is on the ball." Spike said. "What does that have to do with me?" 

"Well it seems if this slayer dies whatever it is she was supposed to be fighting here will get loose." Angel said slowly. "It'll destroy Sunnydale before the next slayer is called to fight." 

"This isn't my gig." Spike said openly and rolled his eyes. "I'm not the stopper of apocalypses. I'm not Spike the Vampire slayer. That's your job soulful one." With that Spike started to push past his former sire but Angel caught his arm. 

"If you don't help a lot of people could die." Angel snarled and squeezed Spike's arm non to gently. 

"Did she see me in her little vision. Helping the world. Saving the day?" Spike mocked and pulled out of the older man's grasp. "I stopped that a long time ago." 

"Don't lie to yourself Spike. I know that you're not the same you were years ago. You fought with Buffy not only because of her, but because you wanted to." Angel backed away from the bleached man and frowned. "We need your help Spike. If that slayer dies there might not be anything to stop it." 

"Keep telling yourself that peaches." Spike mumbled over her shoulder and stalked into the darkness his conversation postponed again.

****

So what do you guy's think?


	3. Prophetic Dreams and Reluctant Heroes

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the Btvs characters or the Angel ones 

-Sorry it's been so long but there were huge computer problems and I wasn't able to post like I wanted to. So here is two chapter to make up for the huge delay and the next chapter should be out in about four days. _Italics still mean flashbacks._

Relive

Chapter 2 'Prophetic Dreams and Reluctant Heroes'__

Willow knew there was something happening. The air was filled with the mystical energy and it pulled at her, demanding the dark magics that resided in her body to surface and make themselves known. She wasn't the only one who sensed the change in the air though. Buffy could feel and it and she claimed she felt as if someone was watching her all the time. She jumped at the slightest shadows. Spike claimed he could smell it in the air. He said he was quite pleasant, but assumed that whatever it was wasn't good. In fact the most shocking occurrence was Angel. He had come back after so many years claiming Cordelia had a vision. It involved Buffy, him, and incredulously he'd said Spike fighting off some sort of hell demon. Explaining that to Angle had taken a while, though she smiled when Buffy left out some not so choice pieces about her little fling with the bleached vampire. Willow guessed she was just trying to quell Angel's temper but she assumed part of it was a deep rooted shame and perhaps a little disappointment that she had let it end. 

She and Spike were friends, though it seemed more of an reluctant expectancy on Spikes end of the deal. She had told him how she felt, what their relationship, if it could be called one was doing to her and he'd backed off in a fashion she was even impressed with. Despite their constant bickering and snide remarks Willow could sense more than hostility between them. She smiled as she thought of the two. Spike trying to hide those longing looks at Buffy and Buffy trying to ignore the fact that she worried about him. They were a fighting team through and through and Willow wondered if it would ever be more between them. Given Spike wasn't her first choice for her best friend, but she had to admit whatever it was between them, it was strong. 

"Any luck Will." 

Willow glanced up from her book and scribbled paper of calculations and looked at Buffy blinking slightly. She really shouldn't have let her thoughts runaway with her like that. They were obviously working against a clock. "Sorry um. I'm almost done. I think I might have a bead on what's happening. I think I caught a prediction and I'm trying to figure out when it's going to take place." 

Buffy looked nervously over her shoulder and toward the living-room of her house. "Well try to hurry. I honestly don't know how long those two will go without killing each other. Angel keeps glaring at Spike, not that I can blame him considered their last real encounter, and Spike can't keep his mouth shut." Buffy lowered her voice significantly. "I think he suspects something." 

Willow looked up from her paper for a moment and then back down again. Buffy hadn't been this reluctant about her little 'fling' with Spike since she'd admitted having it to them almost a year ago. "Don't worry Buffy after I figure this out they won't have anything to fight but...um...whatever it is that's coming." 

"Right." Buffy said trying to sound confident but her tone of voice betraying her completely. Just as she was about to say more a loud crash resounded from the next room followed by a hoarse chuckle, Spike. "Damn." Buffy said throwing a glowering look at Willow before dashing out of the kitchen to find what all the commotion was about, even though she already had a pretty good idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~``

__

"I can smell her all over you!" Angel snarled and slammed Spike against the wall his eyes flashing dangerously. "What have you done?" He hadn't smelled it until just that moment, or more as if he hadn't really recognized it until then. It was her he was smelling all over his 'childe' . It was more than just normal everyday contact. His eyes flashed yellow as he thought of what it might be and it pushed harder on Spike 

"Nothing you wouldn't do Peaches." Spike said smiling cockily, "wait never mind it is something you wouldn't do, or more like couldn't do." Spike grinned at the anger that passed over his sire's face with a silent victory. He had promised Buffy he wouldn't say anything but one look at his sire's arrogant face and shameless doting over Buffy and he'd known that the deal was worthless. Buffy wasn't Angel's any more she was his. 

Angel was unable to speak but growled louder and wound his fist into Spikes shirt almost ripping it as he pulled. He pulled Spike toward him again and smashed they younger vampire's back into the wall. This time Spike wasn't too tolerant of the abuse and twisted out of the bigger man's grasp. He shoved his sire backwards. 

"Back off poofster. I don't have time to fight with you right now." Spike warned and shoved him again unable to resist. 'A little taunting never hurt.' he reasoned with himself. 

Angel grunted under his breath and pulled his arm back to take a swing at the smaller vampire. His fist never made it's mark though. Something grabbed it mid swing and spun him around. Buffy was standing behind him visibly annoyed. 

"We don't have time for this testosterone fit." Buffy said lowering Angel arm to his side. She didn't know why she was stopping Angel from rearranging Spike's smug little face. She had heard the comment that sent Angel over the edge and she secretly wanted to punch the blond pest for it. He'd promised. She sent a descended look on Spike who look slightly shameful and turned away before she turned back to Angel. She guessed he really didn't have a right to ask any how. He hadn't been around but she wasn't going to open that wound. So instead she got back to business. "The world is kinda coming to an end, or it will if you two don't suck it up and help me. Whenever Willow figures out what we're going up against I'm going to need you both." Before she could say more Willow rushed around the corner clutching her piece of paper her eyes wide. 

"I found it." She gasped breathlessly. "I found it. God it's not good." 

"What's happening." Buffy asked calmly a little used to the whole apocalypse thing. 

"It turns out the hell beast, Ternin, had been trying for centuries to worm his way out of his hell dimension in order to get here." She paused. "I found the prediction just an hour ago and began working on the factors. I figured that was the mystical energy we felt in the air, you know the weakening between their dimension and ours." 

"You're rambling red." Spike said sighing. "Just get to the point. As Buffy put it the world is ending." 

"Right, um," Willow started. "Well it turns out it's already opened." She gulped. "Um about an hour ago." 

"What?" Buffy asked incredulously. "Where?" 

"Sunnydale Public Library, I think." Willow said slowly glancing at a map between her fingers. 

"You think?" Angel asked slowly. 

"No, I mean I know. That's where it is." She swallowed. "As soon as you kill the demon the portal closes, but until then demons of all kinds are pouring out and into our world." 

"Great." Buffy chortled slowly. "The perfect time for Xander and Anya to be on vacation. I mean a hell mouth just opened...she trailed off. Willow you look after Dawn. Get Tara down here and get her to put a hex or something on the house to keep away the nasties. Spike, Angel, and I will kill the beastie." With that she reached behind her and grabbed an ax off the table. Without a word she tossed it to Spike who caught it promptly. Next she pulled a broadsword off the table and thrust it into Angel's arms. "Let's go." 

"Right behind you Slayer." Spike said unable to keep the grin off his face. He'd just been saved from the Angel by Buffy, his supposed love of his life, and now he was about to have a hell of a good fight to boot. It was a good day. Even the end of the world wouldn't dampen his mood. He heard Angel fall into step behind him and the grin widened. Who would have ever thought it would turn out this way. 

Buffy hopped into Angel black convertible and Spike hopped into the back seat admiring the leather. "Nice wheels Peaches. Didn't think you had any taste." He smiled lazily and leaned back in the seat and settled his ax on the chair. "Comfy." 

Buffy heard Angel growl as he started the engine and they headed for the Library. The ride was mostly driven in silence each of them preparing for the battle they were about to have. No words were spoken until Buffy pulled open the double doors breaking the lock that secured them shut and ducked as a chair flew through the opening and almost smashed her face in. "Watch out for flying objects." Buffy mumbled as he crouched and went through the doorway. 

The inside was littered with demon of all shapes and sizes. Most were hurrying for an exit perhaps afraid they would be sucked back inside. They didn't care much for doorways they mostly crashed through the walls and out the windows. "They just have no manners." Buffy said and cocked her head to the side. "Don't they know the Library is a quiet place." 

"Whatever, luv." Spike commented coming to crouch by her side Angel behind him. 

"Yeah well I'm trying to keep the mood light." Buffy said finally as she darted through the room trying to avoid exposure and ended up behind a table. Looking over her shoulder she noticed Angel and Spike were right behind her. "You know keep our spirits up." She frowned as another chair sailed overhead followed by a knife that wedged itself in the wall above her head. 

"I think our cover is blown." Angel said. Just as the words left his mouth a demon jumped over the table and landed in front of the three rebels. 

"Now this doesn't seem too fair." Buffy said grinning a little. "I mean don't you want some friends. It's three against little old you." Buffy mocked and pulled a knife out of her thigh sheath and charged. Angel plunged in to fight with her. Spike knew she would be okay, she could take care of herself. What she really needed was for someone to get close enough to inflict some damage to the hell beast. Some how or another it had worked up enough power to push it's way through the hell dimension and into theirs. Now that it was out though it was letting whoever else wanted a free ticket to a new world. If they killed the hell beast the rest of them would be sent back, but otherwise the demons would keep pouring in through the portal. 

Spike settled the heavy battle ax on his shoulder and gave one last meaningful glance at the Slayer. It was one of the looks he knew he shouldn't be sending her. She rarely if ever caught him doing it, but he couldn't help it, he still loved her. He mouthed a short 'I love you' at the back of the Slayer's head when he couldn't catch her eye and let out his battle cry as he plunged into the hoards of milling demons. Most of them where ones Spike had never seen before, but there were a few species that he recognized. Most of them were scrambling for exits but a few were looking for a fight. As he rounded the tables a group of three attacked him right taking him from every side and trying to pry the ax from his hands. He caught a brutal slap across the face by one of the beast's clawed hands and growled lowly his demon begging to surface. Spike swung his ax sideways catching the demon in the head and kicked to his left while he pulled the ax out of the body of the first throwing the second demon backwards. The third demon found a mark and slashed his arm with a sharp black clawed fist ripping through his flesh and sending a sharp pain racing up and down the length of his arm. Spike yelled angrily as the pain hit him his face immediately morphing to vampire. He turned around swiftly and swung the ax still clutched in his good hand and sliced cleanly through the demon's neck. Before the demon's severed head hit the ground or the other two demons could stand again he rushed forward toward the flashing lights of the demon portal. 

Buffy plunged her knife into the chest of the demon and cringed with a thick yellow blood ran from the wound and onto her hand. She pulled the knife out swiftly and looked to Angel who was finishing off a similar demon and smiled at him for the help. It was good fighting with him again, she had missed him, but somehow she knew that there was something missing between them. Briefly she looked around her wondering where her usual right hand man had gone. Spike was no where in sight. She knew he couldn't have gotten wounded, he was better than that and they had fought tougher before. Groaning she looked over the table knowing full well he had pushed his way forward trying to take out the beast alone. He was going to get killed. Buffy didn't want to dwell on the mixed feelings that thought brought. She caught sight of him briefly from behind a bookshelf. He was fighting off a few creatures with only his ax making his way for the center of the room. She saw him get slashed across the face and winced. He needed her help. Buffy wiped the sweat from her brow and grabbed hold of Angel's arm pulling him after her. 

"That idiot!" Buffy yelled at Angel. "He just couldn't wait. He had to go all by himself. Now the moron is going to get dusted and I'm going to be stuck cleaning up his ashes." Buffy couldn't seem to hide her fear in her sarcasm because Angel gave her a funny look before they were attacked again. 

"What is it with hellmouths and libraries?" Buffy yelled at a demon as she threw a stack of books at it and picked up a chair smashing it over the beast's head. She picked up a thick sliver of wood from the remains and jabbed the demon through the chest with it. It fell over backwards and didn't move. Buffy dropped the piece of wood breathing deeply and looked to her side to see Angel covered in some sort of purple soup, pulling his sword out of the stomach of a similar creature. 

Angel shrugged as he came to stand beside her. He could just see Spike's bleached blond head through the throng of books and demons. "Is he planning on fighting that thing by himself?" Angel asked disbelief clouding his words. "Why?" 

"Because he's stupid." Buffy said firmly. "Thinks he can save the world all by himself." 

"Since when does Spike care?" Angel asked as they made their way through the library surprisingly avoiding confrontation.

"It's long story." Buffy told him, "and right now I don't think we have time for it." She left him standing there shock written on his face and plunged into the fight Spike had already initiated. Angel watched as Buffy came to her former mortal enemy's aid and jumped on to the back of the demon pummeling the slightly bloody Spike. Buffy shoved her knife in it's back. She kept it there until the creature stopped moving and she pulled it out and threw the demon off of Spike's slightly weakened body. "Are you all right?" She asked shortly and took his hand helping him to his feet when he nodded. 

"Just peachy, pet, but I'll be better when that hell beast is well...back in hell." He recovered his lost weapon and stalked foreword. "Let's end this." 

"With you all the way." Buffy said and together they made their way for the beast. It was stuck half way in and half way out of the hell portal probably why so many demon's were escaping. 

It screeched when the two of them came near it and shot a long spike covered arm out trying to catch one of them. Both Buffy and Spike dodged and rolled out of the way. Angel took that moment to charge his sword drawn and shoved it into the stomach of the caught off guard beast. Angel twisted it viciously and before he could pull it back out the beast caught hold of his leg and picked up. The spikes on the tentacle like arm dug into his skin scraping the bone before he tossed Angel's body backwards and into a table. 

"Supposed to hold on to the weapon." Spike called over Angel's crumpled form and helped him to his feet. "Let's go get it back."

Angel shook his head trying to clear it before he could even register the oddness of Spike helping him to his feet. Angel nodded and Spike grinned wickedly and charged jumping appendages and dodging streams of yellow spit. 

"You think that stuff will melt off your skin?" Buffy asked as she fell into step beside the two vampires and a stream whizzed particularly close by her head. "You know like acid." 

"Maybe." Spike said. "Let's not find out though." 

All three of them managed to make it though and each struck. Angel latched onto the sword still sticking out of the beast's stomach and yanked it out. He pulled it backward and hacked at the same wound again. Buffy was hacking away at it as best she could from the other side. The beast screamed and tried frantically to pull them away, but Spike was busy cleaving off the blade covered arms. The floor was covered in a thick yellow-orange blood and it splattered over all three hero's as they continued to hack. Spike spun to the side taking his eyes off Buffy for a moment to slice through an arm snaking toward Angel. He was spinning back around when Buffy let out a scream. Spike almost froze as he saw as the beast lowered it's jaws and pick up Buffy around the middle. It shook her back and forth and it's teeth sinking into her muscles tearing them. 

Angel screamed and tried to get to her but he was flung backwards by an arm Spike failed to get and skidded across the library the yellow goo covering his entire body. Spike snapped out of his fear induced daze quickly and changed trajectory. He plunged forward again cleaving arms as he went until he was at the beast's head. He roared and embedded his ax in what looked like the beast's chest. The blade sunk into the flesh to the handle and the beast released Buffy to roar it's pain. Spike pulled the blade out and hit the beast in the head as it tried to lower it's jaws on him. The beast let out one final yelp before it slumped unceremoniously to the library floor. Before Spike could think to remove it. A deep whirling sound started to whine and Spike backed away his hands in front of his face. The beast was being sucked backwards the limbs he'd cut off included being sucked back into the portal. The still live demons screeched as they were pulled back into the portal. It didn't take long and before they knew it was over and there was nothing left but puddles of blood and a few dead demon bodies. Not to mentions the remains of the Sunnydale Library. 

Spike stumbled backwards taking deep breaths he didn't need to and rubbed his hand over his forehead. He wiped the blood spilling for a particularly large wound away and looked around realization suddenly dawning on him. "Buffy." He whispered in a panic and looked around the room. He caught sight of her crumbled body laying halfway on a broken table. "Buffy?" He asked not caring that his voice was cracking. 

Angel was making his way to her side and as he stood there unable. The other vampire's arm was bent at an odd angle and he had a gash on his forehead. "Buffy?" he asked as he reached her side and tried to lift her up. "Are you all right? Buffy?" 

Spike couldn't move as he watched. Not again. He wouldn't be able to take it, not again. His feet refused to move as he watched Angel shake her seemingly lifeless body. If she was dead he wouldn't

be able to take it. She'd already left him once. He couldn't loose her again. He tried to focus his senses to pick up her heartbeat or possible her breathing, but he couldn't. He didn't know whether it was the fear of finding nothing the stopped it or if he was just too jostled. Either way he couldn't move. 

"Uh...he had sharp teeth." Buffy said slowly as she was roused. "And bad breath." She added waving her hand and sat up slowly with Angel's help. 

Spike was relieved a slow sigh escaped his mouth, and he fell to his knees buckling he was suddenly feeling exhausted. She was alive. She was all right, they had won. He kneeled there for a minute trying to compose himself. He let his head rest in the palm of his hands as the pain that his body was in began to register. 

Buffy seemed to remember Spike suddenly and she looked sharply at Angel. "Spike? Where's Spike?" She gripped Angel's arms almost as if she were afraid he was gone. Her eyes were desperate as she waited for an answer. 

Angel sputtered on his answer unable to understand her concern. When had this happened? "He's fine." Angel pointed across the Library to where Spike kneeled his head still in his hands. "He killed it." 

Buffy swallowed and looked down at her stomach. The beast hadn't done as much damage with it's teeth as she'd feared. She could still breath and she wasn't bleeding too badly. Even though she knew she'd have to go to a hospital at least she wasn't going to die, because of Spike. "Help me up." She demanded ignoring the odd look Angel was giving her and pulled herself to her feet and limped toward her injured friend. 

Spike looked up when he heard them coming toward him. Buffy was giving him a look he'd never seen before. It was almost as if she were afraid for him. He had never seen her look like that before. She slipped out of Angel's arms to kneel in front of him. "Are you all right?" She asked tentatively. 

"Yeah." Spike mumbled. "Head bloody hurts like hell though." He said grinning a little and wiping the blood off with his fingers and my arm's stinging like bleedin' crazy." Before he could say anything else he felt her in his arms. Her hands where around his neck and she was hugging him to death, well more to death than he already was. Spike didn't know what to do for a second he just let her hug him. Her breath tickling his ear. 

"I can't loose you Spike. Not you. Don't you ever leave me." She hugged him furiously for a moment and Spike finally had enough sense to hug her back his arms sneaking around her waist like he had always wanted to. A contented little grin settled across his face and he forget that Angel was standing not two feet away from them. 

Buffy pulled back and smiled at him briefly and brushed some yellow gore off his cheek and flicked it away. "Now, don't ever pull something dumb like that again!" She said angrily and punched him in the arm initiating a growl from Spike. "You just ran off, no back up, and expect to face hell alone! Next time I'm going to leave you to fight alone." 

Angel was confused, no he was beyond confused. When had Spike become mister all noble and when had Buffy started to care? First she was hugging him like he was her only link to life and then she was cursing him and punching his already wounded body. 

"Jeez slayer. If you had been quicker on your feet I wouldn't had to go off and leave you. Maybe you should brush up on your skills." Spike quipped steadily and pulled himself to his feet. He wrapped his arm around Buffy's waist and pulled her up with him. "Now let's get you to the hospital and stitch up those holes. You're starting to look like a human pin cushion." 

"Very funny Spike." Buffy mumbled under her breath and winced when she took a step forward. "Let's just get out of her. Come on Angel." She glanced over her shoulder and lifted her arm for him to walk under and he did. Together all three left the Library. 

"You think we can kidnap Giles and make him come back here and predict all this stuff. If we had know it was going to happen 'this' wouldn't have happened." Buffy complained. 

"Hmmm I might be able to get him for you pet, but he'd have to fly back in cargo." Spike told her. 

"Don't think he'd like that." Buffy added. "Maybe we'll just have to get Willow some watcher training." 

"Yeah send her to good old watcher school. She come back wearing tweed and packing her library book as an arsenal." Spike quipped and laughed which ended in a moan as he found out a few of his ribs must be cracked. "Ow." 

Angel couldn't' think of anything to say as they made their way for the hospital. Somewhere along the way he had lost his place in the Buffy's heart. He knew she still loved him, but it was different. She didn't long for him. She longed for someone else and somehow it had become his eternal rival. He seemed to have obtained what Angel had always wanted. He had Buffy. That's why he had smelled her all over him. Even though it hurt that she would love Spike, a soulless vampire, the ache wasn't as bad as he'd expected. There was a reason for that he guessed and he'd have to figure it out eventually.

~~~~~~~````

Angel sat beside Buffy's bed waiting for her to wake up. It wasn't as if she was in danger of dying or anything. She was at home, she was safe and all her holes stitched up, as Spike had put it. She had told them both to leave that she would be fine as soon as she got some rest. Angel had watched the way her hands lingered on Spikes arm her fingers caressing his skin even if she didn't notice to the subtle gesture he did. He needed to know what it was. So sneaking in like he had in the old days he'd climbed through her window and sat by her bed watching her sleep. He didn't know how long he would wait, or even if he would really wake her up. Angel frowned as he fingered a lock of her hair and she stirred slightly under his ministrations. 

"Hmmm..." She mumbled her eyes fluttering open as Angel pulled his hand back. She blinked in the darkness. He guessed to adjust her eyes and gave him a brief smile. "What are you doing here?" 

Angel looked forlorn as he gazed at her sleep filled face. If only things had been different. "Do you love him?" He blurted suddenly not even asking how she was. 

Buffy sat up wincing as she grabbed her stomach and leaned against the headboard and groaned. When she was in a comfortable enough position she sighed and looked at him intently. "Love who?" 

"Spike." Angel said unable to keep the contempt out of his voice. Instead of the immediate look of disgust he was hoping for there was only a blank expression staring back at him. It did nothing to calm his fears.

"What kind of question is that?" Buffy snorted at a whisper. "We fight together. I'd even go as far as to say we're friends, but I...you came all the way here to ask me that?" 

"He loves you." Angel said urgently. He was grasping at falling straws. 

"So he's told me." She said slowly her face falling away from his eyes to her lap. 

Angel watched keeping his hurt bottled on the inside. He could see it in her eyes. "He's in you Buffy." Angel swallowed almost not able to believe it. Why, of anybody, everybody, why him? "Deeper than I ever was." 

Buffy looked up immediately shock written over her features. "Are you telling me...to go after Spike?" 

"No," Angel recovered, "I'm not telling you anything. I don't like Spike, never really have. I just want to know what I see." He remembered the desperate look in her eyes when she asked about Spike and turned away from her gaze again. 

"I guarantee you it's not love." Buffy said quickly and after a moment reached her arm out to stoke his hand. 

Angel hid the hurt he felt with her hesitation. It wasn't right, not anymore. She may not love Spike, maybe she did, but she no longer loved him. Not anymore and surprisingly he knew he didn't either. Why did life work out like that. Was it fair that Spike, with no soul, no humanity had a shot with his love. "Then what is it?" He asked bitterly and pulled his arm out of her grasp. It hurt even more when she didn't protest. Growling under his breath Angel turned away from her and back to the window. Right before he jumped out he caught one last look at her. Her blond hair framing her perfect face and pert red lips. The beauty was still there, but his Buffy was gone. "I'm leaving, going back to LA tomorrow. I just want to tell you bye." He whispered before he stuck one leg out the window and started down the tree. 

"Goodbye Angel." 

Her dismissal held so much more than just bye and Angel could tell by the way her voice cracked slightly that she knew it too. They were through, forever. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````

Alisa was shaking as the sweat dripped off her brow and into her eyes impairing her vision even more than it already was in the darkness. Everything was blurred and she couldn't make out her surroundings, but she knew something was close. It was a empty feeling in the pit of her stomach that screamed danger. Alisa wrapped her hand tighter around her stake and shook as a chill rose up her spine and through her body. 

"Alisa! Alisa, turn around!" 

Alisa whirled around quickly blinking and trying to focus on the blurred image in front of her. It sounded like Kirk. He was waving his arms frantically at her. "Kirk?" She asked and took a shaking step foreword her legs weak and unwilling to support her. 

"Alisa we have to get out of here!" He yelled again and jumped. 

"I can't see Kirk. Something's wrong. I don't know where I'm going." Alisa pleaded with him and placed her stake free hand on the wall and inched foreword slightly. "Help me." 

"Come on Alisa. Hurry! We have to get out of here." Kirk called again, but he hadn't moved an inch. 

Alisa could feel the tears building behind her eyes. Why wouldn't he help her? What wouldn't' he come and help? "Kirk?" Alisa called again. She stumbled foreword a wave of nausea washing over her. It seemed to take forever but eventually she reached the blurred form that sounded like her watcher. "Kirk, help me I can't see. I'm sick." Alisa reached her arm out and grabbed hold of his shoulder to steady herself as blackness swept across her vision threatening to pull her in. 

"Hold on to me." Kirk whispered his voice almost rasping in the darkness. 

"Kirk?" Alisa asked as she gripped his shoulder tighter. "What..." Her voice trailed off when and snaked around her waist and held her close and almost violently to his chest. 

"Everything's all right now." His voice whispered to her hollowly. "Don't worry." 

Alisa knew there was something wrong. His voice was all wrong and his touch was leaving her feeling filthy. "Let me go." She pleaded slowly as his arm tightened and the stake dropped from her now lifeless fingers and came crashing to the ground with a clatter. "Why can't I see you who are you?" 

"I'm Kirk." The figure said happily. 

"I...I..." Alisa trailed off as Kirk pulled her closer and somehow her power was drained and she couldn't pull away from him. 

"Don't worry. Everything will be over soon, slayer." Kirk said and pulled her closer to him. 

"I can't. I can't see you." Alisa whispered as Kirk pulled her closer something cold pressing against her stomach. Before she could get another word out he shoved it in her stomach stealing her breath as her mouth opened wide, but no sound came out. 

Alisa felt his hands leave her side and she was falling. She didn't even feel herself hit the ground, only the fire that radiated from the wound in her stomach. She couldn't breathe everything was going back. She blinked her eyes on the blurred world around her as she slowly. Her eyes shut and opened one more time and through the blur she caught sight of another figure standing in front of her. He was tall, dressed in leather with almost white hair. 

"Told you to watch your back Slayer." His face became clear in the darkness and he smirked at her lazily. "Things aren't always what they seem." He reached down toward her stomach and pressed his hand on the wound. "Trust only what you can see." 

Alisa woke with a start her breath hitching as her hands flew to her stomach searching for the wound that should have been there. She was almost shocked to find her hand blood free and the pain gone. Sweat poured off her body making her tanktop and shorts stick to her clammy skin. Shaking slightly Alisa realized it had been a dream. Not only that but a prophetic one. It was like the dreams she'd had before she came to Sunnydale. All of them involved her death and each time it was by some shadow claiming to be her watcher. She'd never told Kirk about that aspect of the dream. Kirk would never hurt her. Never. 

Alisa pushed the thick covers off her over heated body and set her barefeet on the carpet floor. She needed something to drink. Keeping her steps light so as not to wake Kirk Alisa pushed past his door and toward the kitchen. The only thing that had been different about this dream was the appearance of the bleached vampire. She'd recognize his face anywhere and that hair. It baffled her why he was there. Was it to help, or had he been the one who stabbed her? As she was contemplating the possibility she stepped around the corner to the small kitchen and was met with a low snoring. 

Snuggled among his books and a thin lap top was Kirk. His hair was bedraggled and falling into his eyes and over his glasses that had gone askew on his nose. His fist was wrapped around a pencil and the papers surrounded him like a blanket of white. A small smile quirked her lips as she gazed at him. He was impossibly cute. Sneaking to his side Alisa was unable to resist the urge to brush a few of his locks out of his face. He only stirred slightly his fist unclenching and the pencil slipped from his fingers. She ran her fingers down his cheeks and back away from him leaving him to rest for a moment longer. She'd wake him up before she went back to her room. 

Grabbing a glass out of the cabinet Alisa made it to the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of orange juice. She had the glass halfway full when she heard Kirk stir and the other room and his almost inaudible grunt as she came awake. 

"What...who..." he started and looked around for a moment rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses and turned to where Alisa was busy downing the remains of her orange juice. "What time is it?" He asked slowly trying to focus on his watch with his sleep laden eyes. 

"A little past two." Alisa said putting the glass on the counter and replacing the cap on the orange juice. 

"What are you doing up?" He asked as he rolled his neck trying to get the crick out and winced when he was hit with the stiffness. 

"I couldn't sleep." Alisa said mostly truthfully. "That's all." She turned away from his knowing eyes and walked back to replace the orange juice. "I was going to wake up before I went back to bed. I didn't think you'd want to spend the night sleeping on a table. It didn't look too comfortable." 

"No, it isn't." Kirk said agreed. "I was uh...looking for stuff on that vampire you ran into." 

"Did you find anything?" Alisa asked casually and vaulted herself onto the kitchen counter and crossed her legs. 

"I found a little. He didn't tell you his name right." Alisa nodded. "Yeah, well I decided to start with Buffy Summers. It turns out she was a slayer." 

Alisa swallowed. "Did he kill her. Was she was one of his victims?" 

"No actually it reports in Buffy's twentieth year she was confronted with a hell god by the name of glory, according to her watcher's diary, and the vampire, Spike, same blond hair and leather duster from England helped her. It turns out that he had a chip of some kind placed in his brain that didn't allow him to hurt humans." Kirk said scanning over a couple of printed papers he had been sleeping on. 

"Wait. This vampire hurt me though. I mean I didn't really fight with him, but he pushed me and twisted my arm." Alisa rolled her wrist slightly remembering the pain. 

"I don't know for sure, it could have stopped working. Maybe it did and he killed her in the end." Kirk whispered. "I don't really know everything. It was hard to find. I just started to dive into this vampire's past. I might add that that's pretty colorful." 

"Why would he help in the first place. Vampire's are evil, they have no soul, no feelings, no compassion. What would he have to benefit from helping. If a hell god was in charge havoc ruled. He would have been in heaven, well demon heaven anyway." Alisa added shortly. "It doesn't make any sense. If this is the same vampire." 

"Well that's the only reason I could guess he would be hanging around the grave of Buffy Summers. According to the Watcher, his name was um...Rupert Giles... "...surprising me the most is the emotional display by Spike. As the sunlight poured over the wreckage of the fight with a hell god he crouched in the shadows his eyes trained on her lifeless body. Even I can't deny the hurt he is obviously feeling. Even if I don't really know what to make of it there where tears streaming from his eyes. He feels bad about her death, a vampire with no soul morning the death of a slayer. Buffy jumped to save her sister and Spike almost died to protect her. I continue to be shocked by everything that has to do with Buffy Summers..." Kirk trailed off and turned away from the papers. "I'm looking for the rest of his diary. It seems as if the Watcher's council is having a hard time locating it. He was disowned by the council for a good while and they didn't ask for his diaries until much later." 

"She fought a hell god." Alisa asked. "I hope I don't have to do that. So she died when she was twenty, only three years older than me." 

Kirk frowned as he caught the worry crossing her face. He knew that she feared death. She was only seventeen it wasn't fair that she had to think about her impending end all that time, but it was a price. She was a slayer and death was something she had to face. "Actually the grave stone that resides in Sunnydale cemetery right now states the occupant died at the age of thirty. Some ten years later."

"How's that possible?" Alisa asked as she yawned shortly. The late night was catching up to her.

"Like I said still researching. Maybe you should get back to sleep. You still have to figure out about your dreams not to mention the arrival of a new vampire." Kirk said checking over her weary appearance and frowning. 

"I'm not going to deny that I'm tired, but you should get some sleep too." Alisa said and jumped off the counter. She rounded the corner and stood by Kirk's side. Alisa cupped his cheek lightly and placed a chaste kiss on his face before sliding around the corner and back to her room. 

Kirk shoved his hands in his pockets as he watched her leave and sighed. His slayer. He was her watcher sworn to protect her and to guide her against the forces of evil and he wanted nothing more than to take her away from all of it. He loved everything about her. The way she moved her voice her eyes. She was perfect in his eyes and he was supposed to send her to her death. He couldn't tell her he loved her then send her to her to fight a creature that would kill if given the chance and if the council ever found out he would be stripped of his duties and released. He couldn't risk that. Kirk looked back at the computer and multiple print outs. He really wouldn't' get the rest of the diaries until tomorrow. Deciding sleep could do him some good Kirk left the livingroom and retired to his room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~```````

"Did you see him?" Cordelia asked as she dropped the book in her lap and gazed at Angel for a moment. He was hanging his head, brooding, something she had thought she'd broken him of, but apparently one angst filled conversation brought it back in full swing. "I'm going to take that 'don't-even ask-look' to mean that it didn't." She got off the couch walked toward the man she loved and wrapped her arms around his neck pressing a reassuring kiss on his cheek. 

Angel feel into her familiar hold. He had gotten used to her comfort over these years. She had been there through it all. When his son died she was beside him as slowly each of them lost the people and friends that were important to them she was there. She never got scared she never left him. She was his rock. The once ditsy cheerleader had died a long time ago. In the wake of what she'd been stood a stunning woman whose compassion rivaled even that of the ever giving slayer that had once held his heart in her hands. 

"He's being stubborn." Angel ground out and pulled her closer to his body pressing her against him. "Says saving the world isn't his 'gig'." Angel said the last bit sarcastically. 

"You can only do so much." Cordelia said slowly and pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "I have the visions we try to stop the impending doom. It's what we do, what we've always done." Despite her best efforts to hide it a deep sigh escaped her throat. 

"What is it." Angel asked not letting the sigh escape him. He was the king of sadness he knew when someone was depressed. 

"Nothing." Cordelia lied and pulled away from him so he couldn't feel her blood pumping, an automatic lie detector and sat back on the medium sized hotel bed and picked up her book again. "I just thought that for once things would be easy." She scanned over the pages for a moment before settling back to reading. 

Angel watched under the dim light of the hotel lamp and shrugged his way out of his trenchcoat. He pulled off the sweater he was wearing over his T-shirt next and laid them both on the floor before crawling up the bed to set his head in Cordelia's lap. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him ignoring the way she shifted trying to pull away from him. He didn't want to move. 

"Angel come on I'm trying to read." She said in half annoyance and brushed his head off her lap. "Go find a pillow." 

"I guess we go see the new slayer." Angel said slowly as he settled against her skin still refusing to move. "I mean they shouldn't be too hard to find. Maybe if we warn them whatever you saw what come to pass." 

"Maybe." Cordy said in slight distraction and flipped the page. "I don't interpret the visions honey I just have them." She sighed again and reached to her side dropping her book on the floor. "I can't read with you doing that." She ground at him and sunk into the pillows piled on the headboard her hand coming to run calmly through his hair. 

"Doing what." Angel asked innocently and continued to purr semi growl making his chest vibrate as he settled himself on her stomach. 

Cordelia giggled. "That. I still can't believe you do that." 

"I've been doing it for years." Angel said seriously and propped himself on his palms and placed a passionate kiss on her lips. 

Cordelia smiled as he slipped back down and lay again. She loved him, god she loved him with every fiber of her being, but lately she had been restless. She didn't know Angel had done it living for so many years, never aging, never seeing what a future would hold. She actually wanted to know what it would be like to get old. That was enough to frighten her. She had never wanted to get old, but lately she wondered what it was like for normal people to grow old with the ones they loved, to see their children grow up and get married. She had watched Connor grow up just like Angel had, but that had been different. They watched Conner grow up and they slowly watched him die in the end. Sure he still had family alive as it was. Connor had gotten married had a family. Angel saw them often. They were his only link to the past and they were the freaky great, great, great, something or another aunt and uncle who never aged. Was it wrong to want an end? 

"Mmmm." Angel mumbled under her ministrations her fingers massaging his scalp slowly. 

Cordelia was pulled from her thoughts by that sound. She had heard him use it often. It always made his adam's apple bob vibrate slowly. Her eyes focused on the golden ring encircling her finger and gazed at it fondly as he love slipped into a contented sleep. He had been so nervous asking her. He wanted her to understand that it was okay to say no. He would never be able to give her children, he couldn't really, not really, with her. It sounded lame, but they never had. Not in over a hundred years they never had. Angel was afraid of losing his soul and Cordelia was keen on having him kill her. So they never went that far, even though she was never left unsatisfied she wondering when the powers that be would cut them a break. Angel had suffered enough, the both had. As far as she was concerned Angel was well over do for a miracle. 

"He looked depressed." 

Cordelia almost jumped at the sound of his voice. She'd thought he'd drifted off to sleep. "What?" She asked and ran her hand down his back scratching it with her nails. 

"Spike, he looked really depressed. I wonder if he's seen any of Dawn's, or Xander and Anya's family recently. He has a tendency to become disconnected." Angel said and rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. "Maybe we should make him come back to LA with us." 

"I don't think that would be too good for mister English king of the depressed. Last time he lived with us I think seeing you with me almost threw him over the edge. Buffy had been dead for almost forty years and he still missed her. I don't know if you saw it between the glares of vampiric dominance you through at each other but he was hurting a lot back then." 

"He still is." Angel said slowly. "I can tell. He doesn't quite have the fire to the insults like he used to. I'm sorry to say I miss the old Spike sometimes." Angel said distantly. "We were never friends, probably never will be but we understood each other." 

"Yeah, you and your children." Cordy said suppressing a snort. "Everyone of them crazy." 

"If he doesn't help us I don't know what's going to happen." Angel said after a long pause. "I don't know how to convince him of something he should already know. He's not evil. He hasn't fed off a human in a long time. He's performed more than one act of selfless heroism. I think I even remember him sending Dawn's great, great granddaughters Christmas cards." 

"Maybe it's just the fact that this involves a slayer." Cordelia said slowly. "It could bring up bad memories. I don't know how long vampires brood over their loved ones, but it looks like Spike has taken mourning to an intense extreme." 

"He wasn't ready for her to die yet." Angel said his hands reaching for her's and intertwining their fingers. "When she died for real it shattered him." 

"You weren't their." Cordelia said slowly knowing it was a sore spot for Angel. She understood his feelings for the girl. She had been his first love. He would always love her even if their paths would never cross again. "You don't know everything that happened." 

"I felt it though. I felt his pain when he found her. His insides were screaming and without knowing it he contacted me. He told me that she was dead. It was like when I knew Drusilla had died. Even if I never like the nutcase I didn't want her to die. He linked to me because he was in trouble, because he didn't know what to do." 

"Does he know he did that?" 

"No. He just figured someone told me. I never told him that." Angel sighed and kissed the back of her hand. "We could spend a century talking about Spike's problems." 

"Jeez you go from ultra sensitive to ultra insensitive in like two seconds." Cordelia snorted. "Typical man." 

"Well, I'm tired and I want to sleep. We have to talk to a slayer tomorrow and possibly fight off an over active watcher, and eventually I'll have to talk to him again. We have to keep trying." Angel trailed off into silence as he lifted himself up and shed his shoes. He dropped them on the floor along with his pants and pulled Cordelia under the covers with him and held her close as sleep washed over the both of them.

Tell me how you likes….


	4. A Trip Down Memory Lane

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Btvs and Angel characters

-Lots of B/S stuff in this chapter angst and a little fluff

Relive 

Chapter 3 'A Trip Down Memory Lane'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````````` **( November 2002)**

_Spike felt it like an intense wave of nausea sweeping over his body. His head started to pound and his stomach started to do flips in his abdomen. He felt like he had a hangover. Where had it come from? Seconds ago he had been watching the telly waiting for the conclusion of his favorite show, Passions, to come when it had hit him. He gasped even though he didn't have to and clutched the arm of his couch ripping the fabric with his fingers and his eyes turned yellow and the ridges between his eyes surfaced as he let out a low growl. _

"My Spike, your princess is here. He hurt me Spike. He beat me up and hurt me, but it's all gone now like your love for me, all gone."

Just as soon as the voice had washed over him it faded. He had almost felt Dru's hands running over his body pulling him to her whispering in his ear like she had for nearly a hundred years. Her voice had been sweet just like he remember, his princess. It had been his princess, his princess saying goodbye. A choked sob left his throat and he forgot all about the TV. It couldn't be Dru was gone, dead, she was dead. The first tears slipped from under his eyes before he could stop it and he sobbed quietly for her and the fact that she had died hurtfully. Her voice had been so weak. 

Spike awoke on the floor his face feeling oddly stiff and his stomach eerily empty. Then he remembered. It poured over him like a bucket of cold water and he shivered. She was gone. His Dru, he was her knight, she was his princess, she was dead. That's exactly how he felt dead. Without her he had nothing. Buffy, the slayer, didn't love him. She had told him so and despite what they'd shared she'd rejected him again and again. He was alone and now his only love had left him. Even though darkness had fallen all around him he didn't care to light a candle instead he reached a shaking hand out and flipped off the television letting himself be plunged into the darkness. He sat like that for a long time depressed and unable to move. He forgot that he was supposed to meet the slayer to patrol that night. He forgot about everything. 

"Spike? Spike are you in here?" 

The voice wafted to him out of now where. He could vaguely catch the moonlight as it drifted in through the crack in his door. It was her. Maybe she would do him a favor and shove a stake through his heart and end his torment. He was as bleedin' pathetic as he had been as a human weak, and helpless. If he got her mad enough maybe she would end it for him. He could only hope. Shaking slightly Spike gripped the end of the clear bottle of liquor he had found earlier that day and took a lengthy swig. If he was going to end it he might as well build up his courage. Drunk was a good way to go. 

"Spike, where were you? Spike?" 

"Over here Slayer." He slurred steadily and came to his feet swaying slightly on his unsteady feet and wondered if it was because he hadn't eaten. He wondered if it would be better to die on a full stomach or an empty one. Either one sounded appealing at the moment and well the fridge was too far of a trip. 

"Spike? What are you doing. It's dark as hell in here." He caught sight of her blurring form as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a couple of matches she lit a few candles around where she stood and gazed into the darkness looking for him. "Why didn't you show. I was surround my demons tonight. It must be some sort of holiday for them." 

"That so." Spike said distractedly and took another swig from his bottle. He wondered if she'd stake him quicker if he tried to jump her, or if he tried to kill her. He guessed trying to jump her would be more fun he might be able to get a kiss before he died. 

"What's wrong with you? Are you drinking?" Buffy stepped out of the flickering light to where he was standing she had one candle cradled in her palm as she made her way to where he stood. The light did very little to illuminate his face, mostly it cast shadows across his features but she could tell one thing he was not looking too happy. 

"Drinking myself into a bloody stupor." Spike said rising his voice to mock cheerfulness. "You want some." He shoved the bottle at her, but she pushed it out of her way. "Where are your light switches, or did your bulbs burn out?" 

"Neither." Spike said not really thinking about the question. 

"What do you mean neither. You're really plastered aren't you? I haven't seen you this drunk in well ever." She set the candle on an end table and reached for the bottle in an attempt to pull it from his hand. Spike pulled it out of her reach and shook his head. 

"No, no naughty slayer. You can't have any now. You said no." He took another drink and let a smile spread across his face when she reached for the bottle again leaning close to him. Spike took the initiative and grabbed her waist pulling her to the floor with him when he fell. Magically the bottle remained intact and the contents still inside. Grinning Spike let go of the bottle for a moment and pulled Buffy against him grinding his hips upward. "Want some of this?" 

"Spike, let me up." Buffy protested and struggled under his tight drunken hold. She was confused this wasn't like him. He was never like this. 

"What's wrong don't want. Well I do." He pulled her closer his hand wrapping around her butt and pushing her into him. "You know you want it." He whispered and flicked his tongue over her ear before forcing her mouth against his in a sloppy and desperate kiss. 

He had never been like this. He had never forced himself on her. Buffy struggled a small amount of fear creeping into her before she was able to get an arm free and she punched him in the nose gaining enough leverage to rock back on her heels. "What's you're problem. Are you looking to die!" Buffy yelled and almost jumped back when he shot up his face inches from her's. He his hands around her waist his lip curling up seductively. 

"You promise." He said slowly and grabbed her breast and squeezed it hard. If that didn't do it he didn't' t know what would. Within seconds he felt it pressed against his chest promising sweet release and he let a genuine smile cross his lips finally the torture was over. He was ready to slip away when instead of something running through his unbeating heart he felt her fingers on his cheeks. She was running them over his face. She was wiping his tears. Slowly Spike opened his eyes. She was looking at him with so much concern it tore at his heart. It didn't mean anything though. She didn't care. She had told him. He had no one. 

"What happened to you Spike. Why...why are you crying." She was almost in disbelief as her fingers continued to stroke him lovingly. "Tell me." She pleaded. 

Spike almost believed she was sincere. His heart surged with the possibility but it couldn't be. She had told him. She had almost killed him. She didn't love him. Despite what his mind was saying his mouth moved on it own drunken accord. "Dead. She's dead. She died." He shook his head his eyes closing as more tears threatened him. He was always so much worse when he was drunk. Why did he have to get drunk. 

"Who. Whose dead?" Buffy asked gripping his firmly and making him open his eyes. 

"Dru. She I felt her..." Spike trailed off with the look she gave him. She didn't understand. She didn't love him. "Bloody hell." He said suddenly and pushed her with all his strength off of him. "Leave me alone." He grabbed his half empty bottle of liquor and sprinted into the night. He didn't know where he was gong and hell he didn't really care. Half way up the cemetery hill Spike stumbled and fell. He lay there sprawled on the cool night grass and took another sip of his liquor. He didn't even remember what he was drinking anymore. Did it matter? He guessed it didn't. When the sun rose the next morning he was going to get his release. It would be over. He would be free of the both of them, of the woman he had tried to love but each time it hadn't been enough. He lay there for a minute before he felt her presence looming over him again. 

"Go away." He spat venomously and opened his shaking eyes and glared at her before he took another drink. 

"What so I can leave you to drink yourself into a drunken stupor and boil in the sunlight after you pass out?" Buffy asked her hands on her hips and her mouth set in a line. 

"Yeah that's about the gist of it." Spike told her frowning. "Now go away before you block my on coming sunlight." 

"No." 

Spike growled and sat up the bottle rolling from his limp fingers and sliding down the hill. "I'm not asking. I'm telling. I don't want to live. If you don't want to wait to sunlight you can stake me but otherwise leave me to my suicide." 

"No." Buffy said again and this time she kneeled in front of him. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to die." Her eyes were shining with emotion and Spike flattered for a moment in his planning. Maybe there was something hidden beneath those hateful glares. 

"I have nothing left. I've out lived my existence. Dru left me and now she's dead. I don't have anything else." He let his head fall into his hands. 

"You have me." Buffy said suddenly. "You have me and you have Dawn. We're here for you. Spike we need you." 

Spike looked up the alcohol swimming in his empty stomach. "What?" 

"I said you have me and Dawn." 

"So you don't want me to die?" Spike asked stupidly the slayer swaying in front of him. 

"You're already dead." Buffy said slowly a smile quirking her features. "That's kinda impossible." She didn't get to finish her quip though because Spike fell into her arms wrapping his hands around her shoulders. He sobbed into her shirt. 

"I felt her go. Cor, Slayer I felt her turn to dust. She spoke to me before she left. She called me her knight. What kind of knight am I. I let her die. I let her down just like I let you down." 

Buffy pulled him closer her chest swelling with the hurt she felt. She never thought she would feel that way about Spike. Spike was her mortal enemy, Spike was...was her friend, and her for a while her lover. Spike was more important to her than she had ever thought. "You never let me down Spike. Never. You protected Dawn. Even when I was gone you watched over her." Buffy smoothed his hair with her hand and held him until the tears stopped and he became slack in her arms. "I love you Spike." She whispered under her breath and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead before heaving his unconscious body onto her shoulder. She carried him back to his crypt and lay him in his bed. "Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you." She whispered before she blew out the candle by his bed. She didn't think it would be good for her to go home so she curled up on his couch and wrapped a throw around her shoulders. Within moments her eyes were closed and she was asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````

Spike picked up his bag and tossed it down the hole to the bottom of the crypt and jumped down after it his feet hitting the floor with a slight jarring shock running up his spine. It had been a long time since he'd been back here. Most of the furniture was still there, though covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt. The power no longer worked but there were a few candles laying around the place and he lit a few of them with his lighter and was able to see better in the darkness. The bed was still there, right where he'd left it when he'd moved out of the crypt. There were still the same white sheets covering the mattress. Vaguely he wondered if they could possibly still smell like her. 

~~~~~~~~~`````

_"Mmmm Spike I love you." _

Spike pulled her closer to his side and ran his hands over her bare arms. He felt her leg wrapping around his her ankle twisting around his calf as she rolled closer to him placing on of her hands on his chest and the other in his hair twirling the curls around her fingers.

"I love you too." Spike said seriously. He never thought he'd be here, his slayer, his love tucked next to his side telling him that she loved him. 

~~~~~~~~`````

Spike blinked making the small image vanish and crept toward the bed. It creaked when he set his weight on it. The sheets smelled old and stale without use. Through the old basement like smell he coudln't find any trace of her natural scent or the lotion she used to where with in the sheets. He only had his memories and it had been so long they were fading steadily. He didn't understand why it hurt so bad. He'd loved her, sure, but he'd loved Dru as well and when she'd died he hadn't been any less depressed. The only difference was that when Dru died he had had Buffy. Buffy loved him demon and man. Buffy loved everything about him. Dru had loved his demon and when the man had started to come through she had denied him. He was man and beast and he knew that no one would see him as anything other than beast until he eventually turned to dust. 

Was that why he couldn't get her out of his head? Why her voice followed him in his dreams and even sometimes in his waking hours? He saw her when he closed his eyes. He dreamed of her. He was still drowning in her and it seemed as if he was losing the battle. He couldn't' keep his head above the water anymore and if he was honest with himself he didn't really want to. Spike sat up and pulled off his shoes. He wanted to sleep, maybe this once in his dreams he would find peace. Not bothering with the rest of his clothes he crawled up the mattress and sank into it's stale comfort his eyes shutting as his head hit the pillow. Nothing smelled like it should, it was too dark it wasn't right. Spike mumbled half way in-between awake and asleep but sleep wouldn't come. He thoughts had moved from Buffy to the resent discussion he'd had with Angelus. 

Spike felt his brow crease at the thought of his sire. He had everything that Spike wanted. He had the one he loved. He wasn't alone. Angel had managed to tear Drusilla away from him and according to him pushed him toward Buffy in the first place. What did he know anyway? Angelus hadn't been with him after Buffy died. He hadn't seen the pain he'd gone through. He would never now what it had felt like to loose her. He didn't know anything. 

He wasn't good, he couldn't be and this new problem the one with the slayer he had no part in it. It was meaningless for him to even think about it. Yet as his eyes drifted shut he thought about her and how untrained she was. She would be luck to last another year, and maybe if she did that she could possibly stand up and face what she had to. Finally his thoughts started to drift and he reached his arm across the bed. It fell on nothing but empty air and a cold mattress. 

"Buffy..." he whispered in a sleep filled anguish. "Buffy..." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~````````(2005)

_"And look I even cleared out a spot for your CD's!" Buffy said triumphantly as if it were the answer to the mysteries of the universe. "Granted you won't get to listen to any of them, but hey they always have a space on our...ahh." Buffy ended her sentence with a yelp as Spike grabbed her around the waist and pulled her away from her stereo system. _

"Can't live without my music luv." He said into her neck and nuzzled her closely. "Besides you are due for a little culture." He released his hold slightly and smiled at her seductively. "you have not idea until you've done it to the Sex Pistols." 

"You can't be serious." Buffy said and pushed out of his hold. "I think the only possibly thing to do to that kind of music is well...well...I don't think there is use for that kind of music." Buffy stated off handily and grabbed a couple of his CD's from a box he'd brought over. "The Ramones....? Gag me." 

"Classics pet." Spike said plunking the disk from her hand and making his way to the shelf. He set it in the small rack and scanned the vast selection before him. After a moment he snorted and grabbed a CD. 

"What?" Buffy asked distracted from viewing the rest of the contents of his box. 

"You make fun of my music and you listen to nancy boy's like 'N'Sync." He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure they've bloody played at carnage hall." 

"Ha, ha, that's Dawn's anyway." Buffy said rolling her eyes as she pulled out a bottle of Scotch. "What do you need this for?" 

"Like a little nightcap now and then." Spike said truthfully. "No harm in that." 

"Whatever." Buffy said and dropped it back in the box. "You got anything else interesting in here?" 

"Don't know sweetheart. I never knew you were so into my so called 'junk'." Spike observed and left the CD's to sit beside her. 

"Already seen all my junk. Yours is so much more interesting." Buffy said as she reached further into the box and pulled out a candle. "Candle's are kinda a big no, no." Buffy said and waved it slowly. "You know the whole Willow no magic thing." 

Spike nodded. "It's been a while, don't you think she'd be okay with it?" 

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know. All I can say is I don't like to tempt and this is definitely temptation." 

Spike shrugged. "Fine you can throw it away." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He pounded on the box for a moment before letting one of the cylinder's fall into his hands. He had it between his lips and was about to light it when Buffy's limber fingers came into view and she plucked it from his grasp. "Hey!" 

"No smoking in the house." Buffy said ignoring his pouty look. "I mean it." She broke the cigarette in half and smiled at him mockingly. "From now on it's outside. I don't want my house all smoky." 

Spike growled and sent her descending glare before jumping on her and knocking her to the ground they rolled for a moment before she ended up on the bottom and he pinned her hands at her wrists. "You insult my music, my stuff, and now you take my cigarettes! Do you have any idea how much they cost?"

Buffy wasn't intimidated in the least and smiled at him lazily. "So why don't you just quit." 

"I've been smoking for a long time pet. I'm exactly inching to quit." Spike said evenly. "Besides it makes me look bad." He winked at her and shifted slightly releasing her wrists. 

Buffy didn't hesitate in a second she was on top of his up turned body pinning his arms. "Really. So you're telling me your going to smoke in the house?" 

Spike grinned at her. "I'll make sure to do it while listening to the Sex Pistols and drinking the orange juice from the carton, and then I'll put the empty carton back in the fridge." 

"Oh...I'm trembling." Buffy said suppressing a giggle. 

"I can make you tremble." Spike said suggestively and leaned foreword. He brushed his lips over her neck. Immediately the mood shifted completely. 

Buffy could feel the heat running to her face and throughout her body. She let his arms go and leaned foreword her hair brushing against his face. He was staring at her with so much intensity his eyes shining with lust and love she had begun to recognize and love. Slowly she dipped her head and caught his wanton lips in hers surrounding to the passion they always generated. 

"Oh! Come on don't tell me I'm going to run into this everyday after school!" Dawn called and covered her eyes with her geometry book. "You're in the family room. You know the one where everybody comes when they come through the door." 

Buffy split apart immediately. Buffy could feel the blush creeping across her cheeks as she hopped to her feet. She had been just moments away from having sex with him right there. "We weren't..." Buffy started, but Dawn cut her off. 

"Don't even try to cover." She put the book down and grinned. "I'm going to my room and I'd better not hear any scaring noises." 

"Oops." Spike said. 

Buffy turned a grin on him. "That's an understatement. From now on where going to have to think about where we...you know." 

"I think about it all the time." Spike said honestly and Buffy smacked him on the arm. 

"I'm serious." Buffy said and grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him toward the kitchen. "Okay new rule. No where were Dawn can accidentally walk in...that means only the bedroom okay." 

"Never anywhere else." Spike asked looking crestfallen. 

"Well, maybe when no ones home or when they're busy." She trailed off when he stalked toward her again and pulled her against his chest. 

"How about now." Spike whispered and ran his hand down her thigh and up her side. 

Buffy deeply her eyes rolling back with the feel of his fingers on her skin. Even through the fabric he made her shiver. "Ahhh Spike." She whispered before catching his lips again and slamming into the kitchen counter knocking a couple of dishes on the floor shattering them. Both were lost in the other forgetting that a few minutes ago they had agreed not to do this. 

"That's it! I'm moving out!" Dawn said and threw her arms over her head. She gazed disapprovingly at Spike who was giving her a dumbfounded look from underneath her sister. They were on top of the counter tangled in each other. Buffy just looked embarrassed. "When I agreed to have him move in here, I didn't think you'd be...all the time...everywhere." 

"Sorry niblet." Spike said and attempted to untangle himself from Buffy and only ended up making it worse. He gave a hard yank trying to free his legs and promptly dropped off the counter and hit the floor with a thud. "Ow." He moaned and rubbed the back of his head where he'd struck the ground. 

Buffy was embarrassed. "I uh...we..." Buffy looked over her shoulder at Spike. "um...uh...do you...what do you want for dinner? I'm cooking." She laughed shortly and picked up a pot. 

"Ouch still on the floor here!" Spike called his protest. "Didn't take you bloody long to forget about the undead man on the floor." 

Dawn rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I'm forgiving you guys this time because, well Buffy actually offered to make dinner and Spike well..." Dawn laughed. "That was really embarrassing." 

"Laugh it up niblet." Spike said getting to his feet. "We'll see how funny it is when you're the one with a concussion." 

"All right." Buffy said and put her hand over her heart. "I swear that won't happen again." Buffy glared at Spike and swatted him from the other side of the counter. "and so does Spike." 

"Yeah," Spike said. "Didn't mean to damage you." 

"No harm done." Dawn said honestly. "I just like making you two squirm now if you want to make up for it. Buffy don't cook anything we're ordering out and the both of you are spending the night hanging out with me." Dawn grabbed Buffy's and the sleeve of Spike's coat pulling them both into the livingroom. 

"I'm sorry Dawnie." Buffy said and linked her arm with Dawn's. 

"No problem we can listen to music and watch movie and stuff." Dawn said smiling. "I like have Spike around your easy to guilt trip." 

"Can we listen to my music?" Spike asked from behind him. 

Both woman turned and in complete unison said. "No." 

"What? Why the hell not? What's with this I'm surrounded by people with no taste. It's completely unfair." Spike protested but followed them just the same. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`````````

"So this is Sunnydale?" 

"Yeah, pretty much." The young vamp said and shifted uneasily. "I hear there's a new slayer in town." 

"There hasn't been a slayer in Sunnydale for almost a hundred years." The Vamp's boss said slowly as he walked down the darkened street. 

"Yeah well pickens were slim for a while the whole town was protected by two witches. No body got away with anything until the bitches died." The vamp fell into step behind his boss and swallowed. 

"So that's why you left this place and came to be at my side. A coward of Sunnydale's former vampires." 

The vamp bristled under the rebuke. He'd been alive for nearly eighty years. He was doing well, he was feared. He didn't need to take this abuse. He was respected. "Listen. You weren't here. You don't..." He didn't even get to finish before the demon had him pinned against the wall. 

"Defy me will you. I've put you high in my ranks given you everything you've needed and you defy me. You are replaceable." The demon snarled his black soulless eyes flashed red in the darkness. 

"I...I.." The vamp started his body trembling with fear. 

"You are finished." The demon bellowed and wrapped his hand around the vamp's neck. His eyes narrowing he squeezed steadily his nails digging into the flesh until he broke the skin and the blood started to run down around his fingers. Within seconds his hands had gone through the vamp's neck and it turned to dust. "Much better." He whistled through his teeth. "So much better." The demon closed his darkened eyes and breathed in deeply. "I smell the dead lurking in the shadows." 

Turning back around he headed back for his car and climbed into the driver's seat. "Soon I'll have everyone of them on my side. They'll beg to fall in line with me." 

****

So what do you think?


	5. They Fall in Line

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Btvs or Angel characters**

**-Tell me what you think**

**Relive **

**Chapter 4 'They Fall in Line'**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````` 

                Kirk woke the next morning with his head pounding and his body aching from lack of sleep.  The sun was just cresting the horizon, but he couldn't sleep.  His mind was constantly riddled with fear.  Fear for his slayer's life and god forbid the selfish fear for his own life.  He was drowning in it.  He didn't know what to do half the time and the appearance of a vampire that killed two slayers wasn't calming his nerves any.  Alisa's dreams were disturbing enough.  He could see the fear in her even when she spoke of them.  Her eyes were glaze over and her face would contort when she spoke of her confusion.  She never say her enemy, she said, he was surrounded in a haze of color and a blur, but each time she was drawn to him and each time he killed her.  

                He didn't know if they were prophetic or not.  Was it just her fears manifesting themselves in her dreams, or was there merit to them.  He didn't know and even with all the training he had undertaken part of him doubted even that.  He was losing himself with her.  If he couldn't protect his slayer what was he?  Kirk ran his hands over his face and through his hair pushing it out of his eyes.  Sighing he got to his feet his body still aching and decided to get back to his research.  That fax should have come in by now and he could get back to reading.  

                On his way to the kitchen he passed by Alisa's door and repressed the urge to open the door a crack and peek in.  He placed his palm on the door and sighed.  This was so much of a burden for the both of them.  It wasn't fair.  He hoped she had slept the rest of the night and the prophecies or whatever they had been left her alone.  She deserved that at least, a few hours of peace to ease her mind.  Kirk lowered his hand and walked past her door without looking he stepped from the hallway and into the kitchen.  He put his coffee on and rolled his neck hoping the stiffness would leave and left it to finish while he started his work.  Sitting down at the table he flipped open his then notebook laptop and logged on the net perhaps he gotten an e-mail from the council.  Maybe they had information.  

                Just as he was logging on he heard a knock at the door.  It wasn't often that he got visitors.  In fact no one ever came to see him.  They were new here and Alisa didn't go to school.  He took care of some of her studies himself making sure she knew enough, but school just got in the way of her duty, besides there were too many questions.  He wasn't officially Alisa's guardian and how was he supposed to explain the aspects of a slayer watcher relationship to social services.  There was another knock this time it was louder and Kirk jumped to his feet afraid that whoever it was might wake Alisa.  He scrambled to the door and pulled it open.  Standing in the hallway of his apartment building was a beautiful young woman somewhere in her twenties standing beside a man around the same age holding a thick blanket in his hands.  

                "What do you want?"  Kirk asked narrowing his eyes with suspicion.  

                "Hi!"  The young woman said cheerfully.  "I'm Cordelia and this is Angel.  We were wondering if we might be able to talk to you for a few minutes."  

                "Whatever you're selling I don't want it."  Kirk said firmly and started to shut the door.  

                "I don't' think you understand."  The man said and put his hand on the door stopping him from shutting it.  "We know who you are.  We know about your slayer and we're here to talk to you about it."  

                Kirk didn't like this.  The council had said nothing about visitors.  He redoubled his efforts on the door, but found his strength useless.  The door didn't budge from where he was holding it.  "Who are you?"  He asked slowly.  He must have missed something.  What if there were there to kill him.  He had to worn Alisa.  She had to get away.  

                "Look where not here to hurt you."  The woman said and sent a glare at the man who shrugged guiltily and released his hold on the door.  "We need to talk to you.  If you let us in it will all make sense.  We're here to help."  

                "Yeah and well I don't want to be pushy but I kinda need to get inside soon."  The man said slowly.  

                Kirk backed away still not sure of either of them and held out his arm for them to enter.  The girl walked in promptly but the man stood outside the threshold almost looking lost.  Kirk cocked his head to the side nothing fully registering as it should.  Something was so off.  

                "Why don't you invite him in and we'll get down to business."  The woman said not showing any signs of something strange and nodded at Kirk.  "It's rude to leave your guests outside."  

                "You're a...you're a vampire."  Kirk muttered slowly and shook.  Who were they and what did they want.  

                "Jeez let's skip the melodramatics."  The woman said.  "He's a vampire, but trust me he wouldn't hurt a fly.  Invite him in and you'll understand."  

                Kirk didn't know what came over him but he nodded and looked the man right in the eyes.  "Come in."  He said and shut the door behind him hoping he hadn't just made the biggest mistake of his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~`````````

                Alisa could hear voices when she awoke and shook her head.  That was strange they never had guests not unless the council had scent somebody.  Alisa frowned and pulled herself to her feet.  There hadn't been anymore dreams, but her sleep had been anything but peaceful.  She found it hard to sleep and had tossed in turned all night unable to get a full night sleep no matter what she did.  She was either too hot, or it was cold.  It didn't matter something always woke her and now it was voices.  Slipping out of bed she pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt before leaving her room and following the sound to the kitchen.  As she walked down the hallway her senses were going haywire.  She could sense something was wrong. It was screaming at her as she rounded the corner and saw a man and woman sitting at the table talking with Kirk.  Her eyes narrowed on the man and before she could help herself she blurted it.  

                "Vampire!"  She spat and looked frantically for a stake, something.  

                "Man she's good.  I can't remember Buffy doing that, no wait I think she used to pick 'em out at the bronze like that."  The woman said and picked up her cup of coffee sipping it.  "You'd better tell her the deal watcher before she stakes my husband."  

                Alisa was confused.  'Husband'.  "Kirk what's going on?"  She asked slowly her eyes closing as she remembered him holding the knife his voice as he plunged it into her stomach and twisted.  She could see the blood even though her eyes were open and she could almost feel the pain.  What if he betrayed her?  

                Kirk stood hastily.  "I can't believe this.  Alisa these two people new the last slayer who was here."  Kirk was excited as he eyed them.  

                "But that was over a hundred years ago.  They couldn't still be alive."  Alisa said her voice trembling.  

                "That's because he is a vampire."  Kirk said.  "That's Angel. He has a soul."  

                "Vampires don't have souls."  Alisa said shaking her head.  

                "Knows her vampire lore too," Cordelia mocked, "smart one."  

                "What's she."  Alisa asked.  "You said they.  She's not a vampire."  

                "No sorry to disappoint you but I'm just a little bit demon. I get visions and then I and Angel here try to help the people I see.  My name is Cordelia," She smiled, "nice to meet you."  

                "Hi?"  Alisa said uncertainly and sunk into a chair at the table as Kirk led her toward it.  "Why are they here?"  

                "They had a vision about you."  Kirk said evenly.  "They're here to help."  

                "So they know what I've been dreaming about."  Alisa asked.  "You know what I was called here to fight?"  

                "Well not exactly."  Angel said shaking his head.  "All we know is that we're supposed to help and so is one more uh...person."  

                "Who's that?"  Alisa asked her brow raised.  

                "Kirk tells me you've already met him, obnoxious guy with a slight obsession with slayers, or more so recently with just one."  Angel said.  "He calls himself Spike."  

                "Are you talking about the vampire I met in the cemetery?  I'm supposed to trust a vampire and get his help.  Does he have a soul too?"  

                "No."  Angel said.  "Spike's a special case.  He seems to have over come his demon."  

                Alisa shook her head hardening her brow.  "Vampires don't feel."  

                "The council really has to stop feeding them this crap."  Angel said and turned to look at Cordelia.  "I mean they were spouting it out back in 1997 and they're still doing it today."  

                "Honey, don't start.  We kinda renounced the council after the whole Giles and Wesley thing.  I think that's pretty much over with."  Cordelia chided him easily.  

                "Guys um...I'm still confused."  Alisa said.  "I don't understand why are you're here?"  

                "I'm seeking redemption."  Angel said.  "Before I had a soul I did a lot of horrible things and now I'm trying to make up for it."  

                "How old are you?"  

                Angel looked up at the ceiling for a moment as if counting.  "384. I think that's right."  He looked at Cordelia.  

                "Don't ask me I lost count after 278."  She shrugged.  "Just too many candles to put on the birthday cake."  

                Alisa was still confused.  "What about the other one, the one who's supposed to help me.  How old is he?"

                Angel was silent for a long time trying to figure it out.  "He's I think 268."  He shrugged.  "We've been around for awhile."  

                "I can't believe you let them in here!"  Alisa said feeling her rage boil to the surface.  This was her enemy.  She should drag his ass into the sun and watch him burn.  She should laugh at his ashes and behead the demon to his side.  This wasn't right.  She was a slayer.  "I can't believe you trust them!"  

                "Hello, sitting right here."  Cordelia said waving her hand to get the girl's attention.  "I know you don't understand, but if you just sit down for a moment your watcher and Angel will explain.  We have a huge history to discuss with you and maybe while we dive and dig through our pasts we'll find out why we've been called to help you."  Her voice softened slightly and she gave Alisa a mournful gaze.  "I know what it's like to be alone.  I never lived the life of a slayer, but I did live a very isolated adult hood.  I knew Buffy and now that I think back on her it's in awe.  I can't believe she did what she did and so selflessly.  I know you are alone and you're not used to being helped, but if you don't allow us to help you I guarantee you that you'll fail and with your failure Sunnydale will become the proverbial hell hole everyone always thought it was."  

                Angel reached across the table and took Cordelia's hand in his.  He squeezed it slightly and sent her a weak smile.  Sometimes he was amazed by her.  She had changed over the years each year getting stronger and more giving.  She was an angel herself.  How many times would he have given up if it wasn't for her encouragement?  

                "I'll listen." Alisa said breaking the moment slightly and slipped back into her chair though her muscles were still tight coiled as if she waited for them to jump on her.  She didn't trust them, but she would listen and for now that had to be enough.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``````````

                Spike was drowning in her touch and her smell.  She was all around him refusing to let go.  He could almost feel her lips against his as he reached for her wavering form that leaned over his body.  As his hands came in contact with her flesh they slipped through the image and he hit himself with his falling fingers.  

                Spike woke with a start his fingers on his stomach and tears in his eyes.  "Bloody fucking hell."  Spike cursed and jumped to his feet pacing across the crypt rubbing his chin and running his hand through his hair.  He wiped his eyes hurriedly with the back of his hand and let his hands fall to his side clenching them.   Biting his lip in frustration Spike brought the fist he'd used to wipe his tears into view.  It was still wet with his grief.  Growling his face morphing he balled his hand up and smashed it into the concrete wall with a roar.  Even as he felt his skin split and tear on the rough surface and pain radiated through his hand making his fingers shake it wasn't enough.  Growling again he slammed his other hand into the wall and punched through the concrete.  He knew even before he'd pulled it all the way out that he'd broken some fingers.  They throbbed pulsated with a physical pain that ran throughout his body.  

                He hated the pain.  He hated being weak and sometimes he hated her for making him that way.  Sighing and still in demon face he sank to the ground cradling his destroyed and bleeding hands in his lap.  Slowly he opened his closed fist and watched his fingers shake and protest the movement and he winced.  He tried the other hand and found it moved easier and without as much pain.  He hadn't broken anything in that one.  He would heal in a couple of days maybe less.  Spike lay back his body molding to the cold ground and wondered why it was his hands would heal but it had been so many years and his heart still bled.  In fact just seeing her grave ripped the wound wide open.  

                "Why do you haunt me Slayer?"  Spike asked the ceiling as if it were Buffy herself was hiding.  Nothing met him but silence and Spike rolled to his side and caught sight of his duffle bag.  Reaching for it he wrapped his good fingers around the strap and dragged it across the floor toward him.  He dragged the bag across his chest and rolled onto his bag.  Slowly he unzipped the canvas bag and rummaged through the contents not caring that he was smearing blood on his clothes.  His fingers wrapped around a bottle of scotch and with a slight grin he let the bag fall to his side and he untwisted the cap of the bottle.  Sitting up slightly he took a long fast drink and tried to take down as much as possible.  He wanted to get drunk and he wanted to get their fast.  

                "Pathetic really, a master vampire crying on his floor a bottle of liquor in his hands."  

                Spike jumped to his feet immediately and swung his still steady gaze toward the intruder.  It was a vampire, not a very old one at that about ten years or so.  "What is it with people lately or demons or whoever?  Can't a bloke get a little time to himself without half the bloody world coming in to question him, and who the hell are you?"  

                "Just a messenger 'master'," he mocked happily and paced in front of Spike swaggering slightly.  

                "You're treading on thin ice mate."  Spike said taking another swing from his bottle.  "I've been known to dust a few vampires in my day.  If you don't shut your mouth you'll be next.  Now get the hell out!"  

                "I've come to tell you Spike of a new opportunity."  He smirked.  "It seems there's a new leader in town."  He paused.  "I'm just out to recruit nothing more.  I'm telling everyone I know of about him.  He's building an army and I thought for once you'd like to be on our side instead of being the back stabbing trader that you are."  

                "How the hell do you know who I am?  You're practically fresh out of your grave."  Spike asked taking a few steps closer.  This bloke was starting to really piss him off.  

                "You think nobody knows of 'William the Bloody' the trader vampire who fought along side the slayer.  Who practically married the enemy!  You're a legend and I mean in the not so amoral way."  

                Spike had had enough.  Setting his bottle of scotch carefully on the floor he raced across the room and grabbed the vampire by the neck.  He squeezed lightly and watched as the vampire's eyes bugged out of his head.  "I'm not chipped any more and I don't help anyone but myself.  I don't want part of this little shin dig and I want your mouthy ass gone."  

                "I'm just telling you what I know.  Just let me go."  He said his voice changing dramatically from his first impression of a cocky son of a bitch.  

                "Changed your tune a little bit haven't we."  Spike said mockingly and shoved the man harder against the wall.  "Are you afraid to die?"  The vamp nodded and Spike chuckled.  "Too late for that mate you're already dead."  Smirking slightly Spike reached into his pocket and pulled out a stake.  "Always keep one handy."  He said and plunged it into the chest of the vampire smiling slightly.  "You know just in case."  

                He watched as the dust settled to the floor and turned away from the pile not even caring that he could have just found out a lot from the fellow if he hadn't killed him.  He didn't do that anymore.  Not since she died.  He wasn't the hero.  He didn't care.  He didn't care at all.  Spike grabbed his bottle and sank to the floor at the foot of his bed and leaned backward before taking a lengthy swig.  It wouldn't be long before he was lost in the bliss of alcohol.  "Bloody git."  He mumbled.  

~~~~~~~~~~~``````` (2013)

                _Spike could hear a struggle in the alley just in front of him.  He could tell it was a vampire in fact he could smell the girl's fear.  She was about to be killed, eaten, all that rot.  To think just a few years ago that would have been him in the alley.  He started to turn around and leave the bloke to his meal but something whispered in his mind.  A voice he hadn't been able to banish yet, no matter how hard he tried to.  _

                **_'You're not going to just leave her there are you!"  _**

**_                'Slayer, this isn't my deal.  If he's hungry he's hungry.' _**

**_                'But she'll die.' _**

**_                'So.' _**

**_                'What if it was Dawn or...'  _**

**_                'Bloody hell' _**

**_                'Save her.' _**

**_                'You're dead.  You can't do this anymore.' _**

**_                'So I'm dead.  I am then who are you arguing with?  Just save her.' _**

_                Spike growled deep in his throat and turned around heading back for the alley.  He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and stuck it between his lips all the while mumbling curses and lit it just as he stepped around the corner.  "I leave town for a couple of years and come to find you guys haven't learned your lessons."  Spike said pulling the vampire away from the girl.  He hadn't bitten her yet but she was shaking and terrified.  He was going soft.  _

_                "S-Spike."  The vampire mumbled looking from side to side as if contemplating his escape routes.  "When did you get back?"  _

_                "Oh I don't know a while ago.  I was hoping I could stay gone, but it seems as if my work is never done."  He took the cigarette out of his mouth and ground it into the cement with the toe of his boot.  "So you want to do this the easy way?"  _

_                "S-sure."  The vamp said a little unsure.  _

_                "All right," Spike shrugged, "I like the easy way."  Swiftly he took a stake out of his pocket and charged.  Within seconds he plunged it into the vamp's chest and watched as he body disintegrated.  _

_                **'Thank you.'**_

**_                'No problem Slayer that was for you.'  _**

_                Spike turned his gaze on the woman and sighed.  This was also part of the job.  "You can get up know."  He said focusing on her shaking and crying form but unable to force himself to help her to her feet.  "I'd suggest you get back home and get there quick.  He's not the only one about and I can't follow you all night."  He watched as the girl stood still shaky.  _

_                "Thank you."  She said her voice shaking with each word.  _

_                Spike was silent.  "It wasn't me."  He said turning away from her.  _

_                "It was.  You saved my life."  She said slowly and took a step toward him.  _

_                "Did you not hear me?"  Spike asked and turned back to face her his eyes flashing yellow.  "I said go get out of here!"  The girl stumbled backward and broke into a run leaving him alone.  Spike twirled the stake in his fingers like he'd seen Buffy do a thousand times and dropped it in his pocket.  Even in death she had him whipped.  _

_                "Well, well if it isn't Spike.  Everyone's favorite bleached wonder."  _

_                Spike turned around rolling his eyes as he came face to face with Xander Harris.  "What do you want?"  He asked cocking his head to the side to show his boredom.  "I swear if it isn't one thing it's another."  _

_                "I saw that Spike."  Xander said grinning like an idiot.  _

_                "Saw what?"  Spike asked defensively.  _

_                "Not exactly the best way to take praise though.  I think you scared her."  _

_                "Yeah so I saved some one from a vampire induced death without the slayer.  It doesn't make me a bleedin' saint.  I don't see 'em naming churches after me."  Spike scoffed uneasily and reached in his pockets for another cigarette.  _

_                "Humph...I can see it now in big blinking neon lights.  St Spike's Cathedral, give a pint of blood to support our cause."  He laughed at his own joke.  _

_                "Funny whelp.  It really was, but if you don't mind too much I'll skip the rest of the act."  Spike said and took a drag on his cigarette.  _

_                "No, Spike I mean...It's been a while.  What you been up to?"  Xander asked running his hand through his hair absently.  "Sunnydale hasn't been the same without you around to terrorize it."  He smiled.  _

_                "Yeah well I don't much like this place anymore."  Spike said honestly and stepped past Xander.  "I'm only here for a little while then I'm gone again."  _

_                Xander watched him leave for a second before calling out.  "Hey you wanna go shoot some pool?  Anya's spending some alone time with Jesse.  You know mother kid stuff and well I was just walking around."  _

_                Spike stopped mid step and turned back around.  He cocked his head to the side and smoked the last of his cigarette before answering.  "Yeah, whatever.  For a little bit I guess.  As long as you don't tell anyone I saved that girl."  _

_                Xander grinned, "Secrets safe."  He jogged up to stand beside him as they made their way toward the Bronze.  "So you came to visit Buffy?"  _

_                Spike winced even though he tried to suppress it.  "Yeah, but lets not talk about that all right.  Tell me about your family whelp.  How's marital bliss?"   _

_                "Just yesterday Jesse did the funniest thing..."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~`````

                They didn't know his name or even his true form, but they knew he was powerful.  They could feel the energy circulating through their bones and making them incredibly uneasy.  No one was fighting despite the crowd, demon against demon, vampire against vampire and all of them touching the other.  The heat from the heat rising from so many bodies so close together was unbearable but no one was willing to take the first punch or say the first heated word.  They had heard stories.  The first vamp recruited by him was scared witless let he was given everything he wanted.  All of it was in turn for something.  Something some of them dreaded and desired to give all at the same time.  The masses milled and waited in the silence of the abandoned building.  The night was about to fall and already the place was full.  When was he going to show?  As if on queue something stepped from the shadows above hanging over the catwalk and down on the demons of all kinds below.  

                "I know why you have come."  The pale man, obviously a vampire, with dark black hair and sunken green eyes looked out over the crowd.  "You have been told of him, about me about his purpose and you are all here."  He waved his arm dramatically over the masses and some had insults threatening to escape their mouths but none of them could mange to make their tongue work and shoot forth the blasphemous comments.  "He wishes to pull you into his masses.  You will be his followers you will be his people.  If you but pledge your lives and your services all of it can be yours."  

                The crowd was silent as they watched him.  It was as if a spell had been cast to calm them.  No one questioned they just fell in line.  The first demon raised his clawed hand.  

                "What is the name that I pledge my life to?"  

                The vamp watched him for a moment and smiled.  It was working perfectly.  They had no idea what they were handing over.  It was the same thing he had handed over so willing.  They would soon fell it like he did and they would hate themselves and crave more of it at the same time.  

                "He has no name that can be spoken properly in your tongue.  He has given me the privilege of speaking for him.  He comes from the hell dimension Tradous.  His plain is to take over Sunnydale and eventually this entire dimension.  If you fall in line you will be spared, but if you walk out I promise you only death."  

                The demon nodded and the words, the oath that would bind their fate flowed from their all too willing mouths.  He didn't see one walk out.  They were all his.  The vamp let a lazy smile spread across his face as they all fell in line.  Their free will was a thing of the past.  Even if they wanted anything else it wasn't going to happen.  If they expressed it they would die and their death would not be without pain.  He had seen something powerful and the terror that ran rampant through him was like nothing he had ever felt as a mortal or as a demon.  

                The demon watched from the shadows.  They were falling into place.  He hadn't planned to use this sort of glammer yet but it was without help.  They were intrigued by the promise because of the spell he'd placed on the words.  They stood calmly because of the calm that surrounded this particular space.  Now was their words reached him he closed his eyes as waves and waves of free will left the bodies and filled him.  They were his eternally and he would know the minute they acted otherwise.  Demon's and vamp's first and the weak humans that populated this planet.  As soon as he dealt with the Slayer nothing would be able to stop him.  

**So what do you think?**


	6. Meet Your Hero

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Btvs or Angel characters.**

**_ Thanks for the reviews.  You have no idea how much I appreciate them.**

**Relive**

**Chapter 5 'Meet Your Hero'**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````` 

                Alisa was silent as Angel's story came to an end.  He had skipped over a lot of the relationship involving Buffy and Spike but that couldn't be helped he claimed.  Besides he hadn't been there for most of it.  If she was every going to hear how it truly happened she would have to talk to him.  It didn't make sense though either way she looked at it.  Vampires didn't have souls they were demons and the human soul was condemned and trapped in hell.  They didn't feel they couldn't love.  That was the only part of the story Alisa couldn't grasp.  After all she had little faith in love as it was.  How was she supposed to believe something as impossible as that?  

                "I still don't believe he loved her."  Alisa said slowly.  "I don't believe vampires can love.  I've met a lot of vampires and all of them are the same."  

                Angel looked at her skeptically.  "Well Spike has always been different.  Far more pig headed and stubborn then any of my other childer but he always had heart.  He did something I was never able to.  He over came his demon without a soul and I still struggle with mine."  

                "You're not going to tell me he's all good now.  I heard the way he acted when you told him about the vision.  He doesn't care.  All it does is prove my point.  He's a demon.  He feels nothing."  Alisa pushed a lock of her hair out of her eyes and got to her feet to get something from the kitchen.  

                "Spike's a little confused."  Cordelia offered slowly.  "He doesn't like to admit his softer mushier side."  She swallowed. "But you can see it.  He did love her and he's still pinning over her death.  She changed him a lot when she loved him, when he fell in love with her.  That's not something he can just walk away from.  At first she was his conscience and then somehow he developed his own."  

                Alisa shook her head still denying it.  "I don't trust you."  She said taking a sip of her water and avoiding their eyes as she turned to look at Kirk.  He was frowning at her giving her the look.  He had always told her she was too guarded.  "I'll accept your help but I don't believe much of what you've told me.  I know Buffy was a good slayer in your eyes, but to me she broke the rules.  She risked lives and she consorted with the enemy.  In my eyes she was a failure."  With those words she turned and left the kitchen not even bothering to see the rage burning in Angel's eyes as she walked away.  

                "I can't believe she mocked her!"  Angel called after her departed form.  "With everything she did.  This child mocks her courage and her integrity."  

                "Don't blame her."  Kirk said quickly.  "She doesn't trust many.  Sometimes I wonder if she trusts me.  I took her from a normal life.  I keep her from school and because of me she has no chance for a family.  Her parents, she never knew and life in an orphanage isn't one full of hope."  Kirk sighed and sank back into his chair.  "I trust you unless the two of you do something to prove me wrong.  If you can help me stop her death I'll do anything to help."  

                Angel calmed a bit and Cordelia took his hand in her offering him a short smile.  "Well as far as we can tell whoever this is he's got to be stopped before the end of this week.  By Friday it will end.  We need Spike though and I'll work on him.  Cordy will help you here.  With the research maybe we can figure out who this is.  She's seen small snippets of his power."  

                "What about Alisa?"  Kirk asked pulling his glasses from his pocket as he prepared to work.  

                "She comes with me.  I'll help her patrol, make sure nothing happens, and I'll take her to officially meet Spike."  Angel smirked.  "He'll hate the hell out of me for that one."  

                "Yeah I can already hear his 'Bloody Hell's'."  Cordelia commented chuckling.  

~~~~~~~~~~````

                Alisa stayed behind Angel as they stalked through the cemetery unwilling to let him watch her back.  She didn't trust him.  He was a vampire and technically would do anything to kill a slayer.  She narrowed her eyes at his black coat and held her stake firmly in her fingers.  They were patrolling a different cemetery tonight probably because Spike was most likely to be stalking the other.  

                "How do you know he's not feeding off of humans?"  Alisa asked suddenly making Angel glance over his shoulder.  

                "I can smell him.  I know he hasn't eaten off a human in a long time."  Angel fell silent as he look across the cemetery.  "Everything is really quiet.  It's never this quiet." 

                "Yeah well I tend to think of non busy nights as good nights."  Alisa said glancing to her left not willing to admit the lack of activity was grating on her nerves pretty badly and her slayer sense was off the scale with uneasiness.  

                "Well everything means something in Sunnydale.  It's never just quiet.  There is always a reason."  Angel stopped for a moment and turned around and headed back to way he'd come.  "Come on it's obvious that who ever has come to town is here and the absences are because of it.  He already has a hold."  

                "Where are we going?"  Alisa asked falling into step behind him and for once not thinking about the consequences.  

                "I'm taking you to meet Spike.  Tonight can't be a total loss."  Angel said under his breath.  "I have no idea what he's up to so just be prepared for the worst.  Spike doesn't have very good habits."  

                "What is that supposed to mean?"  Alisa asked.  

                "I'm not so sure right now." Angel confessed.  "Let's just hope he's in a good mood."

~~~~~```

                  Angel could smell the alcohol before he opened the door.  It was so strong it saturated the walls and even the insides of his nostrils.  Narrowing his eyes Angel laid his hand on the door and was about to open it before he turned to Alisa.  He decided he'd better give her fair warning.  He knew exactly how a drunken Spike could be.  

                "I'm just warning you that Spike is drunk, either drunk or has a huge hangover.  I can't stand him when he's sober and drunk and with a hangover he's ten times worse."  Angel wrapped his hand around the door and pulled it open.  

                "So we're going into a powerful vampire's home when we know he's pissed planning to piss him off more, right?"  Alisa rolled her eyes.  "I don't know how 'Buffy' ever died twice."  Her voice was dripping was sarcasm.  

                Angel growled and walked into the dust filled crypt his eyes running over the darkness.  "If I were you I would keep quiet."    He knew Spike wasn't on the top floor he quickly morphed into vampire so he could see through the darkness and picked out the drop into the lower level.  "There's about a ten foot drop down this hole so be prepared."  Alisa only snorted in response before Angel pointed the whole out to her and dropped in.  

                Angel shook out of his vampire visage and back to his more human form as the light of a few lit candles caused his eyes to dilate.  At first he could smell nothing but blood and booze.  Not a healthy combination when Spike was involved.  After a few seconds he determined that the blood was Spikes and the alcohol was pretty stale.  He had been drinking for a while now.  Taking a step foreword into the gloom he kicked a few bottles out of his path in disgust and tried to catch sight of the hung over vampire somewhere among the debris.  Spike had done quite a bit of drinking when he had lived with him and Cordelia.  He had been semi-polite about it though never really getting so drunk he mouthed off or got angrier than usual.  He kept to himself when he was drunk, usually in his room or he even sometimes journeyed down to Caritas; either way though the habit slightly disgusted him.  

                "Spike?"  Angel called into the gloom after seeing a pile of the vampire's usual attire strewn across the crypt's stone floor.  He hoped for the girl's sake that he wasn't naked.  That would certainly be funny, but he really doubted that Alisa or Spike would agree.  

                "What do you want?"  A low and depressed voice asked from the darkness and Angel could feel the man's sorrow.  Whether the younger man realized it our not he was calling again.  He was in pain and he wanted comfort.  

                "Where're you at Spike?"  Angel asked trying to keep his voice soft.  

                "I smell her with you.  I hear her heart beating.  Bloody hell I heard her before she came down in here.  You brought the bleedin' slayer here so she could see who was supposed to 'save her'."  He was sarcastic his voice still defeated but angry.  "You can both go to hell."  He trailed off for a moment falling into a short silence before he spoke again.  "Well you've already done that haven't ya peaches."  He remarked snidely and Angel bristled slightly that was still something he didn't like to talk about.  

                "Spike get your drunken ass out here so we can talk."  Angel said rapidly loosing his patience.  He never had much of a fuse when it came to Spike.  Spike just knew him too well.  He could push the button faster than Angel realized and before he knew it he was flying off the handle.  

                "We are talking."  Spike said suddenly popping up from the other side of his bed seemingly out of no where, but the light of the candles just didn't illuminate the space where he had been sitting.  He wasn't wearing a shirt and clutched in his blood covered fists was a bottle of bourbon.  

                "Is alcohol your answer to everything?"  Angel asked in exasperation.  

                "'is my bloody best friend."  Spike sneered and took a long swig draining the rest of the bottle before tossing it over his shoulder letting the glass shatter against the wall behind him.  "Dramatic ain't it."  He mused as he watched the slayer jump at the sound.  "Kinda like a soap opera, used to like those."  

                "Got any more Spike, or are you done?"  Angel asked as he kicked an empty bottle and watched it roll across the cement floor.  

                Spike appeared to be counting on his fingers but gave up after a moment and leaned down reaching his hand into something.  "Well I thought I had enough to get me plastered to hell, but if I still only see two of you..."  

                "Two?"  Angel asked raising a brow.  

                "If I want to pass out into a world of drunken bliss there's got to be at least four of you.  That way this whole conversation is wiped from my little vampire mind and I can forget you were the last thing I saw before I went to sleep."  Spike swayed slightly on his feet and grabbed hold of the bed's banister for support.  "Huh...well I'm getting there.  I think I just saw three of you.  Maybe this time I'll get lucky."  

                "What happened to your hand?" Angel asked trying to draw the vampire away from his drunken talk and on to something more substantial.  

                "Punched a wall," He said nonchalantly and shrugged.  "I think the wall won though.  I broke my bloody finger."  He picked his hand up and examined it slowly.  "It's healing though."  

                Angel had the urge to ask why but something told him this probably wasn't the best time.

                "That was before that soddin' mouthy bastard came in here spouting shit and trying to get me to convert to his cause."  Spike said and lay back on his bed as his legs swayed under him again.  

                "What guy?"  Angel asked his interest peeking for the first.  Over his shoulder he gave Alisa a short look indicating that she ought to listen.  

                "First he tried to impress me with flattery.  Told me how everyone knew what a huge sell out I was, 'Spike the Slayer's lapdog'.  Lapdog my ass.  Then he questioned my demon explained there was some big all powerful git in town.  Bollocks mate."  Spike trailed off into silence and they thought for a moment he might have fallen asleep.  Angel was about to say something when he started again.  "So I wrapped my 'Big Bad' hand around his bloody neck and squeezed.  Then I staked his sorry mouthin' ass and watched him turn to dust.  That was fun.  Kinda like old times."  He trailed off seemingly talking more to himself then them.  

                "What did he say about the guy Spike?"  Angel asked.  If this was the guy in the vision they might have a lead.  

                "What the hell.  I don't care."  Spike said viciously.  "I killed him so I wouldn't have to listen to his recruit crap, nothing else."  

                "Did he say anything about where whatever it was was...?"  

                Spike sat up suddenly narrowing his eyes.  "I told you mate.  I staked him.  I couldn't stand listen' to him so I ended his short lived un-dead life and then proceeded to get drunk off my ass."  

                "Always the practical one aren't we."  Angel said sarcastically.  

                Alisa was disgusted.  This was a hero.  This man, this vampire, was supposed to save her.  He had been in her dream he had said something, but this couldn't be the same one.  She couldn't, wouldn't trust a vampire, and if she had to it wouldn't be him.  He was a drunken pathetic loser.  "He's supposed to save me?"  Alisa asked incredulously ignoring the fact that the vampire was right in front of her.  "Him!  He can hardly stand."  

                Angel whirled around.  "I told you he's difficult and more so when he's drunk."  Angel ground out trying to get her to be quiet, but she'd have none of it.  

                "Keep talkin' not like I'm here any way."  Spike said from his bed.  

                "Look at him.  He's pathetic.  He's delusional.  A vampire in love with a slayer it's bullshit.  Can't you see there's no way he could love?  I can feel what he is from where I stand.  He radiates evil from every pore."  

                "S'that right?"  

                Alisa turned to see Spike coming to his feet.  He didn't sway this time and Alisa swallowed at the fire she saw in his gold glinting eyes.  She backed up a step and stuck her free hand into her jacket pocket on reflex wrapping her fingers around her stake as a chill of fear ran though her.  

                "Spike, don't..."  Angel didn't even get to finish his sentence before Spike punched him in the jaw knocking him to the ground for a second stunning him.  

                Spike stalked toward the young girl and lunged at her as her back hit the wall.  He sneered when the smell of her fear reached him.  He used to relish that smell, but now it did nothing but make his stomach twist into knots.  He ignored it though and stared at her hard his hands planted on either side of her face.  He morphed to vampire and heard her whimper under his hold but she didn't try to move.  All of them had a death wish and this one was just begging for it.  Not like his Buffy she was the only different one.  He spoke quickly knowing his time was short.  

                "Nice of you to say I radiate evil."  Spike smiled lazily his accent think in this form.  "Always thought I was evil, but it was the other comment, the one about me and Buffy.  You think it was all bullshit?"  He didn't wait for an answer but growled.  "What the hell do you know?  I..."  Before Spike could finish he felt something slam into his side and he went sliding across the floor.  

                "Dammit Spike.  What the hell are you doing?"  Angel growled as he watched the woozy vampire try to straighten his scrambled thoughts.  

                "I'm being a vampire." Spike said slowly.  "I'm being what I am.  A soulless, blood sucker that feels nothing and only lives for the kill.  That's what I am isn't it."  He looked at the new slayer with disgust.  "If I had met a slayer like you a few hundred years back I would have three dead slayers on my list instead of two.  You're weak and you beg for it."  

                "Enough Spike."  Angel snarled.

                Alisa could feel her breathing just start to calm.  He had scared her, more than anyone ever had.  She just wanted to bolt at that moment, leave Sunnydale leave her duties and run, but she couldn't.  Her feet seemed to know what her duty was and they stayed planted.  Her mouth was seemingly sewn shut and she couldn't think of a thing to say.  

                "Wanna fight, Peaches?"  Spike asked and sat up half way smirking.  "I haven't had a good fight in a while."  

                "I'm not going to fight you, Spike."  Angel said shaking his head.  He never should have brought Alisa to see him, not when he thought he might be drunk.  He was always such an obnoxious jerk when he was plastered.  "We're leaving."  

                "So soon?"  Spike sneered.  "I really hoped you would stay, you know so we could have a heart to heart or maybe swap stories, laugh like they do in those bloody awful TV dramas."  

                "Goodbye Spike."  Angel said and stepped past the half passed out vamp and grabbed Alisa on his way out pushing her though first.  When he was sure she as up there and out of ear shot he looked at the drunken blood man and frowned.  "I'll be back Spike.  You and I are due."  

                "Whatever poof."  Spike said and crawled across the crypt to the bed.  "Just get the hell out."  With those final words he climbed onto the bed and collapsed his head falling to the side and his body unmoving.  Angel sighed and yanked the passed out man up the rest of the way and laid his head on a pillow.  He pulled a sheet over his sleeping body and frowned.  Spike's brow was creased in worry even as he slept.  There was something going on with him that he couldn't quite place, it was more than just Buffy.  Promising he would come back later he climbed back up the ladder and took Alisa home.  He needed to talk to Cordy and he was exhausted after talking to Spike.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````````

                Alisa burst into the apartment scowling.  Angel had gone back to his hotel after dropping her off claiming that he and Cordelia would be back the next day.  The night had been a complete waste.  They hadn't dusted one vampire and instead of ending the life of one who most definitely deserved it she watched him teeter around pathetically before passing out in a drunken stupor.  Her dreams couldn't be prophetic no when 'Spike' was involved.  

                "How was patrol?"  Kirk asked as she came into the kitchen.  He was bent over a few books and holding a cup of coffee in his hand.  

                "A waste of time," Alisa mouthed slowly.  "Apparently this guy as already started gathering followers and with his mass appeal he's taken all my prey."  

                "Did you find out where?"  Kirk asked looking up hopefully.  

                "No."  Alisa said sadly remembering her encounter with Spike.  "We went to go see Spike though."

                "Really what was he like?"  

                "He was an arrogant asshole with a serious drinking problem."  Alisa confirmed and sunk into a chair beside Kirk's mess and looked through the sea of white wondering where all that paper had come from.  

                "Angel did say he was a little..."  Kirk started but Alisa snorted.  

                "Don't even defend him.  He pathetic and I still don't buy any of that crap he fed you.  We don't need them Kirk.  We've always done things on our own.  Since when do we need help from someone else?"  Alisa looked up after her speech to meet a pair of narrowed and angry eyes.  

                "Since your life depends on it."  Kirk said firmly his voice just on the brink of yelling.  "You could die Alisa and I can't let that happen.  I'll do anything in my power to stop it."  He sat back down.  "I'm your watcher."  

                "What does it matter?"  Alisa said slowly.  "They'll just call another.  I'm replaceable.  Every slayer is.   Its part of the job, you have to face the fact that you're expendable." 

                "The council..."  Kirk started but he could already tell she wasn't listening.  She'd stopped focusing on him and was running through his piles of papers until her fingers fell on a light blue book with a silk ribbon hanging out of its closed pages. 

                "What's this?"  She asked.  

                Kirk sighed.  The conversation was avoided again, but he didn't have the energy to fight with her.  "The council sent that to me for review.  It briefly mentions Spike, Buffy.  They thought it might help with the prophecy."  

                "That's great, but it still doesn't tell me what it is."  Alisa said running over her fingers over the name engraved in the front cover, 'Dawn.' 

                "It's a journal."  Kirk said slowly.  "It belonged to the Buffy's sister, Dawn.  It's basically set during the time of her second death.  It runs pretty steadily until about two years after the slayer's return."  

                "You've read it?"  Alisa asked arching a brow. 

                "No."  Kirk shook his head.  "I just scanned the pages marked by the council concerning Spike and some of his actions, that's all."  Alisa turned the journal over in her fingers and opened it flipping through the pen written pages briefly.  "You can read it if you want."  Alisa immediately dropped it.  "I don't want to, but thanks.  I'm going to sleep."  

                Kirk watched her leave with growing concern his brow creasing as she disappeared behind her door.  She was slipping farther and farther away from him and he didn't know how to pull her back. 

~~~~~~~~~~````

                "Come on!"  Kirk called.  "You have to hurry!"  

                Alisa tried to focus on him, tried to will her eyes to work and his image to become unblurred but he remained the same, a large blur of color and sound. "Kirk?"  She whispered weakly as the sickness rolled over her weakened body in torrents.  "Help me Kirk I can't get to you."  She pleaded with him but he only continued to wave his arms and shout at her.  His voice was stronger with each shout.  

                "Hurry!"  

                Alisa stumbled through the darkness her vision tunneling occasionally and tried to get to him.  Her weapon slipped from her sweat soaked fingers and clanged against the stone floor and she tripped her feet finding an uneven patch of earth.  Finally she reached him.  Her body shaking with sickness and fatigue she reached out to him only wanting comfort.

                "Hold on to me."  He said his voice hissing slightly.  

                Alisa's muscles tightened under his hold and she tried to pull away but she couldn't.  There was something wrong.  She could feel it in his touch, hear it in his voice.  "Let me go."  She pleaded her voice weak and cracking.  "Please."  

                "Don't worry."  He said and before she could struggle again he pulled a dagger seemingly out of nowhere and plunged it into her stomach and twisted it.  "Everything's all right now."  

                Alisa tried to scream as he released her but nothing would come out of her mouth as it gaped open and she fell to the ground a lifeless heap. She could feel the heated blood running down her stomach and over her hand as it continued to pour from the wound.  She was dying.  She blinked feeling the life slipping from her.  Out of her tunneling and failing vision a black clad figure appeared in front of her. A long leather duster brushed at his ankles and the bleached blond locks on his head were almost blinding.  He was smirking at her lazily his expression supposed to mirror something resembling mocking but his eyes suggested otherwise, they were deep and pooled with concern?  

                "I told you to watch your back."  He said and pressed his hand onto her stomach.  He watched as the blood seeped between his long pale fingers staining them before he looked up at her again.  "Only trust what you can see."  He said his voice sounding distant.  

                Alisa closed her eyes feeling slightly soothed by his presence. She falling in a sea of darkness and she didn't know how to pull out. The vampire's voice, mocking and soothing at the same time was gone, as well as the comfort of his hand on her wounded stomach.  Suddenly the silence was shattered and something was beating around her almost like a drum.  It pounded in the blackness surrounding her and she looked frantically from side to side but she couldn't determine where it was coming from.  

                "So you are who I am to kill."  The drumming stopped and was replaced with a sinister and sneering voice.  A pair of black eyes punctuated with red iris looked at her from the darkness.  

                Alisa shuddered and tried to scream, but like before nothing would come.  The beating started again making her body shake and her head ring.  Around her the world cleared for just an instant she saw the being, whatever it was, the demon, with the black soulless eyes, he was standing in a pool of red dumping the contents over his head.  The dark black red liquid ran down its body and clung to its skin.  Beside the small pool she saw a body dressed in white with dark flowing curls surrounding her head.  Alisa focused willing her eyes to see what was impossible.  As if on cue the image rushed foreword and she recognized the girl.  It was her.  Her eyes were wide and her lips moving incoherently.  Alisa opened her mouth and screamed, this time the cries didn't die_._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````

_                Alisa sat bolt up right her body shaking even as she realized she was awake.  A dull ache was radiating throughout her abdomen and her ears were still ringing with the mysterious drums.  She had seen him and he had killed her.  He was going to kill her.  Alisa was terrified.  She realized as the visions faded that no matter how much she had claimed indifference she didn't want to die.  She wasn't ready.  She didn't want to die.  Alisa swallowed her throat raw and dry and she reached her hands up to brush her cheeks realizing for the first time that she had been crying.  _

                Getting to her feet, Alisa tried to brush off the chills of fear that were running up her spine and decided she needed a drink to wet her throat.  She exited her room cautiously checking around the doorframe to make sure Kirk had already gone to bed.  If he was sleeping on the table she didn't want to wake him and have him asking questions.  He couldn't know that he was part of her dream.  If he thought it was the best for her he would leave and she wouldn't know what to do without him.  Luckily he wasn't there and she slipped into the hallway making little to no noise at all.  Just as he was rounding the small paper ridden table she spied the light blue journal lying openly on the table illuminated slightly in the partial moonlight emanating from the split in the curtains.  Suddenly all thoughts of water even the wavering effects of the dream were almost forgotten and she grabbed the book and hurried back to her room.  

                Alisa ran her finger over the bound volume and opened the cover almost cautiously feeling as if she might be invading some sort sacred privacy she opened the book.  The pages were worn and yellow and she thumbed it open cautiously making sure not to rip them or crumble the pages.  Written quite clearly in dark blue ink it read.  

                'I burned my diaries.  They recorded every moment, every waking second of my life and I found out they're fake.  I never leaned over the new crisp pages with gleeful anticipation.  I never cried over the events that happened one day and spilt my tears on the pages.  It's a record of a life that never was, because I'm not real.  The memories they have of me are fake conjured by monks using the blood of a slayer in an attempt to save the world.  I'm a tool, a key.  My life means nothing because I am only six months old.  Six months old and I have memories of fifteen years of living.  Lies, I have no mother, no sister, I never had crushes, I never even cried until today...''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (2012)

                _Dawn ran her slender fingers down the skirt of her white flowing dress and watched her delicately decorated fingernails brush against the silky fabric making a slight scratching noise.  This was her big day.  She was getting married.  Dawn looked at her reflection shakily and brushed the few lone tears off her cheeks hoping they wouldn't smudge her makeup, she wanted to look perfect for Marc, but then again she was sad.  She was too sad for a day that was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life.  Those perfect fingers ran across her cheek and to her hair.  She touched it lightly continuing to look at herself and sniffed again another torrent of tears coming on.  She wanted her mother to see her; she wanted her sister to be there, hell she ever wanted her ever absent father to be there.  She didn't have any biological family left and it hurt.  _

_                Giles, more of a father than her real father had been was walking her down the isle and giving her away.  She was grateful for him and his generosity.  She loved him like a father.  Buffy had told her a long time ago that she had denounced her father.  She said that Giles was more a father to them than Hank was.  He hadn't come to his ex-wife's funeral.  He had barely contacted them throughout those years.  He was only at Buffy's funeral briefly.  Giles had always been there and always would be.  _

                'Buffy told me once she wanted me to walk her down the isle.  At the time she was engaged to Spike.'  He laughed a little and tucked one of Dawn's dangling curls behind her ear.  'But that scenario isn't so crazy.  Buffy ended up marrying him, sort of anyway.'  Giles looked nervous and ran his hand through his gray hair and smiled.  'I just hope that while I'm doing this for you I'm doing it for Buffy too.  She never got her chance to do this.'

                Dawn smiled and wrapped her arms around him pulling him close against her.  'I love you like a father, Giles.'  She smiled and kissed his cheek.  Buffy and I always knew you'd be there for us.'

_                Spike...  That was a whole other subject after his sister's death he had left.  She had been so certain he would kill himself at first.  He was depressed worse than he had been when she'd died the first time only ten years earlier.  Even though she'd begged him to stay it hadn't been enough after confessing that he loved her and Buffy, and always would, he told her Sunnydale was no longer somewhere he could live.  Then he was gone.  She hadn't seen him in two years.  He wrote a letter every few years asking how she was and she even though she saw him hanging out at the cemetery on the anniversary of Buffy's death.  It was her chasing shadows though.  _

_                "You look like an angel lil' bit."  _

_                Dawn froze and starred into the mirror.  She couldn't see anything behind her but she knew it was him.  No one else sounded like that.  Almost not believing her ears Dawn spun around and almost screamed.  There he was looking very much like he had two years ago.  His hair was a little longer and the bleached locks were curled instead of slicked to his head, and he looked a little worn, but it was him.  He was still wearing that duster his clothes all black except for a dark red shirt over his black t-shirt.  _

_                "Spike!  I can't believe your here!"  Dawn yelled already feeling the tears coming faster.  She smiled through them and launched herself onto Spike hugging him close and breathing him in.  He still smelled the same.  She squeezed his duster between her fingers and almost laughed.  "It's been two years.  I didn't think I'd see you again." _

_                "I know niblet."  He whispered against her and returned the hug with vigor.  "I couldn't let you get married without me after all I have to make sure this guy remembers my threat."  _

_                Dawn pulled back and grinned at him not caring that her makeup was smeared and running down her face or that she might have wrinkled her dress.  Spike was family too.  He had lived with them for a long time.  He was like her brother.  "I missed you so much."  _

_                Spike smiled at her and wiped her cheeks.  "Look at there, all those tears.  You can't cry like that on your wedding day."  He wiped them away with his thumbs.  "You're so grown up.  Can't really call you lil' bit anymore."  _

_                "Why has it been so long?"  Dawn asked.  "I missed you.  I worried about you."  _

_                "I had a few things to sort out, pet."  Spike said and released her and crossed the room picking up a tissue and handing it to her.  "I'm better though, not the best, but better."  _

_                "You still miss her."  Spike didn't answer in fact he didn't even look at her.  "I miss her too."  A sharp knock at the door pulled her away from the door.  "What?"  _

_                "Three minutes Dawn."  It was Giles.  _

_                "All right.  I'll be right out."  Dawn wiped her eyes and looked at Spike.  "Are you staying?"  _

_                "For a little while," Spike said forcing a grin on to his face.  "I'm not much for churches, but I'll be at the reception."  With that he kissed her on the cheek and opened the door to her room and stepped out.  Dawn heard Giles gasp just before he pulled the absentee vampire into a tight hug.  _

_                "All right Buffy, Mom, I know you're watching.  Wish me luck."  Dawn looked toward the ceiling then back at her face.  She smiled the tears gone.  _

**You likes? **


	7. Relation

**Disclaimer: I don't own the BtVS or Angel characters.**

**_Thanks for reading!  This chapter is a lot shorter than the others, but hopefully the next one will be longer.**

**Relive **

**Chapter 6 'Relation'**

Spike's head was killing him.  He didn't even want to open his eyes but sleep was impossible when his skull was threatening to split open and spill his brains across the mattress.  He groaned and almost regretted the noise as the sound made his ears ring.  He hadn't been this hung-over in a really long time.  The darkness of the crypt was a comfort at least.  He didn't have to deal with harsh fake lighting or the damn flickering of candle fames against his wall.  That would just mange to make him sick.  

                "Ah you're awake.  I didn't think you'd be up for a while."  

                Spike turned his head very slowly to the source of the voice.  There was Angelus standing at the corner of his bed looking very smug.  Spike remembered him promising to come back last night, bastard.  "What do want?"  Spike managed to moan and put his hand on his temple wondering if the pounding could possibly be making his hand move.  

                "I told you I'd be back to talk with you Spike and here I am."  Angel said.  "I brought you something to eat."  

                Spike looked up mournfully and narrowed his eyes in exasperation.  He didn't want his stupid sire anywhere near him especially not right now, but he was hungry and didn't feel much like facing the day and going to look for some blood.  Groggily he reached his hand out and took the packet from Angelus' hand and ripped it open with his teeth.  He drank greedily and tossed the empty bag over his shoulder and into the wall.  He had to admit he felt better after eating that.  The ache in his skull was ebbing slightly.  

                "So," Angel began conversationally, "what you been up to?"  

                "I'm not helping you."  Spike said and leaned back on his bed closing his eyes and focusing on the blood making its way through out his body.  

                "That's..."  Angel stuttered slowly.  

                "No use beating around the bush poof.  I don't have time for it.  I'm only here for a couple more days and I've got things to do."  Spike said solemnly.      

                "Why do you do this to yourself?"  Angel asked suddenly.  "What's the point in the torture?  You have to move on.  You have to let her go."  

                Who did Angel think he was, coming to him trying to see into what he was thinking, giving him advice?  He didn't know anything.  He had no idea what it was like.  He had mourned for years and tried to put it behind him but every time he tried to put her out of his mind he felt like he was betraying her.  He couldn't stop dreaming about her.  He couldn't stop his memories from running back to when she was alive and he was, what happy?  

                "Don't talk about stuff you don't understand."  Spike ground out between clenched teeth and clenched fists.  The wounds that had been on them earlier were healed but the dried blood was still crusted on his knuckles.  "You have no idea."  

                Angel narrowed his eyes his fury building as he looked at his childe.  "I don't know pain Spike.  We are the same."  He didn't even get to finish before Spike turned his tortured and blank gaze on him.  There was fire burning behind his eyes.  

                "Don't stand here and preach to me about how we're the same!"  Spike yelled his eyes tearing even though he willed them not to.  His voice cracked and his head pounded in his skull as if his brain was begging to be set free. "You have the one you love, and a bloody condo waiting for you in heaven.  No matter what happens you know death would be a release, but for me ...for me it's the end."  With those last words Spike sank back to his bed and shook his head.  He wasn't prepared for Angel's outburst and he almost jumped at the booming sound of his voice. 

                "I watched my son die."  Angel's voice was more controlled but somehow it held the same venom and anger as Spike's had.  "My son who was younger than me by over 200 years, I watched wither and die before my eyes.  Tell me, Spike, where's the justice in that?"     

                Spike was silent for a moment and turned away from his wayward sire.  He refused to admit that Angelus felt anything like he did.  Spike was alone.  Angelus wasn't.  The both of them fell into silence ignoring the other.  There was no sound in the chamber.  

                "I know you miss her, and I know it kills."  Angel said after a lengthy silence, "and I'm sorry."

                Spike was silent still his head turned from him and his mouth in a tight line.  

                "I accepted the fact a long time ago that you loved her."  Angel saw Spike flinch slightly.  He had never told Spike that he believed in his complete love and total devotion to what had been his life.  "I loved   her at one time, and I lost her."  

                "No Peaches, you were stupid you chose to give her up."  Spike said from the bed his voice still low and hardly mocking, as if he were just stating a fact.  

                Angel remained calm despite how much that blow hurt.  He ignored Spike and kept speaking.  "Either way I lost her.  I loved her and let her go.  It hurt.  I hurt more than I can ever express.  She was the first woman I ever loved.  The point is I let her go when she died, the second time.  I mourned but I still knew that I had to live so I came back.  I faced the world and I went on with my life."  

                Spike shook his head for a moment and turned to catch the eye of his Sire.  He didn't say anything but he had given Angel permission to speak again.  

                "What I want to know is why you're still here, why you're still drowning in her memory.  I want to know why you refuse to let go."  Angel let his question hang in the air for a moment the words echoing and bouncing off the walls.  He was about to speak again when Spike deeply accented voice reached his ears.  

                "Sometimes, at night, when I remember her and the way she'd let me hold her when we slept, even though she knew what I was," He paused taking a breath that he didn't need, "I can feel her arms wrapping around me, like a breath of warm air on my cold skin.  I feel her even when I know she's gone, and when I wake up the next morning, somehow, I'm deader than I was before."  He trailed off rubbing his bare arm absently.  "I'm wasting away without her."  

                "I..."  Angel started, but Spike wasn't finished.  

                "I know you won't understand, but when she was alive and I figured out how much I loved her, that my obsession to kill and my insatiable urge to watch her was all because I wanted to touch her, I shunned it.  I tried to ignore it, to lock it away and never bloody think about it.  She was the soddin' slayer and I was a vampire.  I'm a demon, I'm evil.  I was supposed to kill her not love her, but there I stood watching her again, and this time there was more than malice in my gaze.  I wanted her.  I wanted the light she spread on everything.  In her gaze in her light I felt alive.  Something slipped from me when I was with her.  I..."  He stopped talking his face suddenly hardening.  "Nothing it doesn't matter.  I already said too much."  

                Angel was silent.  He'd never heard such words from Spike.  Spike didn't talk like that, about love and loss.  Sure he hurt, he'd seen him in pain before, but he lashed out.  He didn't seek comfort.  He remembered when Drusilla had broken up with him so many years ago and how hurt he had been then.  Of course in all of it he had been looking for a little mischief he had been more than willing to wreck a little havoc, have a little fun with the slayer.  Then he remembered the broken shell that he had seen prior to Buffy's death.  At the funeral, held at night for their benefit he had stood in a suit no less his head hung and his eyes glazed.  He had hardly spoken a word.  He didn't insult he hadn't moved.  It was as if a part of him had died.  Had he been so blinded by his hatred for his former childe that he had missed that?  

~~~~~~~~~~~  **2010 four days after Buffy's death.  The night of the funeral.  **

                _Angel was a little late.  He had done it purposefully in hopes of skipping the waiting outside the church part.  He wasn't very keen on churches.  Sure he was seeking redemption but he and God weren't on very good terms as far as he was concerned.  He jogged up the front steps of the large building and caught sight of something dark in the shadows.  There was a long stream of smoke coming from the darkness and Angel knew immediately that it was Spike, who had taken his place in his slayer's heart.  Spike the man Buffy had died loving.  _

_                Angel sighed.  He figured it was better to stand with Spike than to be alone.  Cordelia and Wesley were already inside.  He had decided it was best to come alone.  I made things easier and that way he didn't have to wait, or a least he didn't think he'd have to.  _

_                Spike was leaning against one of the large pillars at the top of the Catholic style church with large stain glass windows and a gothic structural style.  He was wearing a suit.  That shocked Angel slightly.  He had never seen Spike in a suit.  He was wearing a pair of charcoal pants and a charcoal coat over a white shirt and a black tie.  Of course over the suit was his duster and in his lips was a cigarette.  His hair was still that striking bleached blood but instead of being plastered to his head it was in swirling curls that fell against his forehead.  His eyes were the same piercing ice blue.  _

_                "Peaches."  His voice said holding very little mocking in the tone as if he didn't quite have the strength for it.  _

_                Angel stopped and glared at the vampire through the darkness.  "William."  He said knowing how much Spike abhorred the name._

_                "Don't you want to go inside?"  Spike asked innocently taking a short drag on his cigarette, "Lots of nice crosses for you to accidentally run into." He turned his head and smirked at him in the darkness but there was very little fire behind his eyes, at least any that had something to do with their old fight.  _

_                "Think I'd rather stay out here."  Angel said slowly refusing to be baited by Spike's childish attempts to get his goat, so to speak.  _

_                "Ahh us creatures of darkness banned from churches and banned from life."  He trailed off and Angel caught the glowing end of Spike's cigarette as it turned end over end and landed on one of the granite steps.  _

_                Angel was silent not really finding anything to say to that.  He stared into the night for a long while before turning back to his former childe.  "How long have they been in there?"  _

_                Spike who seemed to have just been some place else turned away from the sky and focused on Angel.  His eyes were glazed a bit before he shook his head.  "What?"  _

_                "How long?"  Angel asked again impatiently.  _

_                "Oh, right.  Don't bleedin' know.  Never really been to one of these modern funerals."  Spike said slowly.  "They've been in there for about an hour before you showed up."  _

_                Angel nodded it shouldn't be too much longer.  The both of them continued to sit in moderate silence and Angel found he had nothing to say to the blonde.  He was empty.  _

_                Spike tried to ignore his sire's presence.  He had been thinking about her.  No matter how much he tried to forget her and forget the way she had died he couldn't.  Sometimes he would dream, like he had of her first death.  He would dream and each time it ended with his hands dripping in her blood.  In fact he could almost feel her life one his fingers when he awoke. The first time he had stumbled to the bathroom in Buffy's house and washed his fingers and up his arms until the bled.  No one had ever found out.  Dawn was sleeping in her room and he was the only other one up.  Collapsed on the floor his fingers stinging and bleeding he'd cried.  Not only that he had failed, but just for the misery.  He had always known she would leave him, but he'd wanted it to be so much longer.  He wanted just a little more time.  Angel would never understand that.  He didn't believe Spike loved her.  He loathed him as much as Angel loathed him.  It was a mutual hatred spanning from years together their personalities clashing incredibly.  They would never get along.  _

_                Just when Spike thought he couldn't stand anymore he heard the doors to the church open with a soft clank and he lifted his head as Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, Tara, and Giles exited first.  Xander and Anya's son Jessie was hanging his head and clutching his mother's hand tightly.  There were tears in everyone's eyes.  He could feel their pain.  Spike was almost hesitant to follow them, but he pushed it away and fell into line with them as Cordelia and Wesley exited the chapel.  _

_                "Spike," Dawn said looking over her shoulder and beckoning him closer.  _

_                Spike stepped up to her side and tucked the girl against him stroking her hair and whispering to her gently.  "S'alright nibblet."  He said trying to comfort but feeling anything besides that.  He didn't think it would ever be all right._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`````_

_                Angel caught sight of his 'childe' as the coffin was lowered into the ground.  He wasn't crying but the expression on his face was more earth shattering than tears.  He lips were held in a tight line as is he were suppressing a scream and his eyes were focused almost narrowed on the black box as it was lowered into the earth.  He just stood there his eyes unmoving and his face almost impassive.  _

_                Angel was slightly disturbed as he turned back to the priest and tried to listen even though his words meant nothing to him.  He listened until the man was done and everyone was turning to leave.  He had his hand around Cordy's waist as he began to pull her from the scene and back to the car.  He was going to go back to Buffy's house for a while and then he was leaving.  Just as he was leaving he caught the tail end of Dawns plea._

_                "...no, you can't stay here."  _

_                "Just go one lil' bit.  I'll be there in a minute."  Spike didn't look at her but shoved her gently away from him.  He was looking at the dirt as it was shoveled on top of her coffin.  He hadn't pulled his eyes away from the spot since the funeral had started.  _

_                "Promise me you'll come home, okay."  Dawn swallowed and touched his arm lightly. _

_                "I'll come home."  He said after a moment of silence and Dawn sighed and left him standing there looking over her shoulder at his slumped form and frowning.  _

_                "Angel are you coming?"  _

_                Angel looked into Cordy's tear-red eyes and nodded, "Yeah."  _

_                As the three of them, Wesley included, were driving away he caught sight of Spikes thin form slumped on the ground his head buried in his hands.  It was disturbing and Angel didn't understand it. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````

                'I can't remember anything my teachers have told me.  I can hardly remember what I did a few days ago, but I remember what she told me.  It's branded in my brain word for word, every tiny syllable every tiny tone.  'Dawn listen to me.  Listen, I love you.  I will always love you.  This is the work that I have to do.  Tell Giles...tell Giles I figured it out and I'm okay.  And give my love to my friends; you have to take care of them now.  You have to take care of each other.  You have to be strong.  Dawn the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.  Be brave, live, for me.'  She was so calm as she ran down the length of that tower and I just stood watching as she jumped.  She jumped to save me.  She jumped to save the world...

                It's been over a month since it's happened and I haven't been able to find the words to describe what happened to me.  Still it's hard to think about it.  I can still see my sister, I can still smell her.  I'm alone.  My father doesn't know and he continues to ignore me.  If he found out I would have to leave and I don't want to live with him.  My mother is dead, my sister is dead, and my father might as well be.  If it wasn't for Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Spike, and Giles I don't think I'd be writing in my journal today.  I want her back.  I know it's selfish and childish, but I'm only fifteen.  I think I'm allowed to be a little selfish.  I would give anything just to argue with her again.  I know she died to save me and to save the world, but I don't want to accept it.  I don't want her to be gone...

                I can't talk about that anymore.  I don't want to dwell on it.  It's something I can't have and I know dreaming that I can have her back only makes it worse.  Everyone took it hard and somehow we'll get through this together.  Tara and Willow moved in and took mom's room.  I don't mind about that.  I like having them here.  I love them both.  Xander has been really quiet as far as Xander goes.  He doesn't talk as much.  He misses her.  Just recently I heard him crack a joke and I almost cried.  It meant things were going back to normal.  Anya still treats me like a kid, but she's come to be a lot more sympathetic.  She seems to understand that I'm in pain that we all are and I think it's because she realizes that she's in pain too.  A big step for Anya, in the way of humanity that is.   Giles is like a father to me, like I know he was to Buffy, he talks to me and even though I know he's going back to England soon I okay with that.  I've seen so many people leave me I think I'm almost numb to it.  Spike didn't leave like I know so many people thought he would.  He stayed, because he promised to protect me, he stayed because he loved Buffy.  I believe him even if my sister didn't.  I believe that Spike loved her.  I know vampires aren't supposed to feel the entire range of emotions, like sorrow and guilt, but every time he looks at me I see it.  He thinks it's his fault Buffy died.  He's never felt bad for anything he's done, but he feels bad about Buffy.  He tries to be upbeat around me but sometimes he'll get this distant look in his eyes as if he's falling away and nothing will bring him back.  When he looks like that I can see his pain, and in those few moments I want to cry not only for my sister but for him.  All of them feel guilty.  They don't think they did enough, they think they failed some how, but the truth is it was me.  It's my fault.  She died for the girl that doesn't really exist.  She died because of me, and all I can think of are you last words.  They echo in my mind when I'm awake, they haunt me in my dream.  

                '...you have to take care of them now.  You have to take care of each other.  You have to be strong.  Dawn the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.  Be brave, live, for me.'

                Those are noble words.  Those are the words of a hero.  A hero, nobody will even know about.  To the watcher's she's just one in a long list, but to me to Giles, Tara, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Spike she's so much more.  I'm trying to do what she asked.  I'm trying to take care of them.  I'm trying to be strong, but it's so hard.  I try with all might to be brave, but I can hardly stand to get up in the morning.  All I can say am I hope the pain will fade...'

                Alisa let the book close her fingers trembling and tears running down her cheeks.  She dropped the pale blue journal in her lap and wiped the tears from her cheeks and pushed her hair out of her face.  She knew there was more left, but she couldn't read it.  She felt Dawn's pain and anguish when she'd found out she wasn't real.  She felt Dawn's laughter when she'd told Spike she felt safe around him and he told her to take it back.  She felt the terror when she described how she was kidnapped.  She felt her sorrow when she watched her sister die.  

                Alisa peeked over her shoulder and saw the first rays of sunlight creeping into her room and lay down shutting her eyes.  She needed sleep, but her mind refused to let her.  She was still thinking about Dawn and Buffy and the 'Scoobies.'  She let a short smile cross her face about the epitaph.  She wondered what it would be like to meet them, and mostly she wondered if she would ever be able to be as strong as Buffy. Angel was supposed to come back over and help Kirk research and Alisa knew she should help, but she didn't want to get up.  Just as the sun had completely risen her eyes shut and she succumbed to sleep.  


	8. A price on his head

**Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS or Angel just borrowing.**

**_Sorry for the wait had a few computer problems**

**Relive **

**Chapter 8 'A price on his head'**

Spike woke with a start when he heard something crash through the crypt door and voices overhead.  He'd fallen asleep the other night after talking to Angelus.  It had been weird and awkward as hell and he didn't really know how he felt about it.  At least his headache was mostly gone.  His stomach wasn't swimming violently and he was hungry.  Sitting up Spike rubbed his skull and scanned the remains of his crypt for a moment and caught sight of Angel slumped in a chair sleeping.  So, Spike mused, 'the poof didn't leave after all, wanker.'

                "Empty.  Good hideout."  

                Spike sat up his slight headache suddenly forgotten.  Someone was in his crypt, and they weren't speaking English.  In fact they were speaking Terian.  Those were mostly harmless demons; lived in the darker portions of the sewers fed off rats and other such sewer dwellers.  They hardly ever ventured to the surface unless the food in the sewers had run out occasionally they snacked on small children, not very bright though.  

                "He will be pleased.  We will gather here."  

                Spike narrowed his eyes and listened closely as he listened to them shuffling through the top level of his former crypt.  There were three of them, three wayward demons that were about to die.  Spike smiled slowly.  He was definitely due for some violence.  Peaches had refused to take his bait last night and he tended to get cranky if he didn't get to kill anything. 

                "Before you kill all of don't you want to know why they're looking for a hideout?"  Angel asked as Spike brushed past him.  

                "Not too interested." Spike said sincerely.  "You wouldn't rise to the challenge last night; I missed out on my violence nightcap."  

                "Didn't miss out on the nightcap part," Angel said raising a brow.  "I remember you being quite wasted."  

                "Whatever poof, do you wanna help or not?"  Spike asked agitated.  

                Angel shrugged.  "If you let me question them first..."  

                "Do whatever you want."  Spike whispered.  "I'm not promising anything."  

                With that said Spike clambered up the latter and into the upper half of the crypt.  "Well, well, what have we got here?"  Spike asked a small smile quirking his lips.  "If it's not two little Terian demons."  

                One of them turned around his gray scaly skin covered in a green mold.  His tiny black eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened as he roared trying to scare Spike away.  "Leave."  It called.  "Our place."  

                "Sorry."  Spike said.  "But I was here first."  With that Spike charged foreword his fist flying.  He caught the first demon across its scaly face with a roundhouse kick.  He watched it fly across the cross with crypt and smash into the wall.  Dancing on the balls of his feet Spike turned to the side punched the other one in the face.  The small demon roared and jumped onto Spike knocking him off his feet for a moment.  Spike grinned as they crashed to the ground and punched it in the gut.  The demon flew off him and Spike jumped to his feet.  He looked for the other one, but saw Angel already had his fist around its throat.  Spike groaned and turned to the demon and kicked it.  It was still down, hadn't really moved since he'd thrown it off.  

                Spike groaned, bored, and picked up the demon and snapped its neck.  There really wasn't much more of a reason for him to fight it.  It obviously didn't feel up to it.  He guessed he'd gotten the lazy one.  Angel's was still snarling and talking rapidly.  

                'I pledged.  I promise.  I give my life for him and my essence his his.'  The demon spouted angrily and struggled.  'All who don't join will die.'  

                Angel snarled and pushed him further against the wall.  "Who are you talking about?"  Angel asked in English knowing the demon knew what he was saying.  

                'He has no name no form, but he will kill you.'  The demon's voice was suddenly more fluid and clear.  'He comes seeking the slayer's blood.  Her blood will make...'  The demon's voice suddenly gurgled to a stop as a thin stream of green blood ran down the side of his mouth and down his chin.  Its small black eye shook and rolled in its grotesque skull and it shuddered.  'Sorry.'  It ground out and Angel let it go.  The demon slumped to the ground and shuddered one last time and died.  

                "What did you do to him, peaches?"  Spike asked as he looked over his sire's shoulder.  "Whatever it was looked painful."  

                Angel turned around and caught Spike just as he was lighting a cigarette.  "I didn't do anything."  Angel said slowly.  "I didn't kill him."  

                "Right and he shuddered bled and died all by himself."  Spike inhaled the cigarette smoke deeply and blew it out letting a smirk cross his face.  "That was kinda fun."

                "What do you think he was talking about?"  Angel asked ignoring Spike's violence induced happy.                "Who knows?  Don't care."  Spike said lazily.  "My crypt here has become quite the hot spot.  I'm guessing that my stay here will be quite a bit of fun."  He let the cigarette fall from his fingers and ground it out with the toe of his boot.  Anything was better than thinking about her.  Fighting was a distraction, fighting was a release.  

                "Do you ever care about anything?"  Angel asked exasperated.  "There are sewer dwelling rat eating demons coming out during the day and looking for hideouts while spouting something about slayer blood and you don't seem too concerned."

                "I told you before.  That's not my gig.  I don't save the world.  I don't fight the 'big bad'."  Spike said and frowned.  He swaggered past Angel back to the lower part of his crypt.  "Now, I'm going to go back to sleep.  You know creature of the night, sleeps during the day, all that rot."  

                Just as Spike was lowing himself back into his lower crypt the door opened again and a tall form appeared in the doorway.  Spike narrowed his eyes for a moment his mind flashing to all the times Buffy had done that her form blacked by the sun at her back.  Then she would step in her eyes glazed and piercing.  Spike felt his heart constrict as Cordelia stepped through the doorway.  

                "When you didn't come home last night I figured you were here."  Cordelia said brushing her hair off her shoulder.  "I just hoped you two hadn't gotten into a fight."  

                "The poofter here didn't want to fight.  Too afraid I'd wager.  I think he's gotten a little soft."  Spike said and grinned lopsidedly.  

                "More like he was too drunk to remember what he was doing."  Angel commented steadily.  "I..." 

                "You guys don't have to prove you're tough to me."  Cordelia said as she shut the door behind her.  "And...what are those? Terian demons?"  Cordelia wrinkled her nose.  "Jeez they don't smell too good."  

                "Well hiding out in the sewers doesn't make you smell that great."  Angel said crossing the room and wrapped Cordy in a hug.  

                Spike watched them and felt the hurt wash over him again.  No matter what Angel had said he had no idea how he felt.  "You would know all about that wouldn't you Peaches."  

                "Shut up Spike."  Angel said ignoring him and kissed Cordy on the cheek.  "Sorry."  He mouthed in her ear.  "I didn't mean to stay out all night."  

                "How about you two love birds drag those corpses out of my crypt on the way out.  I don't really fancy their bodies rotting above me."  With that said he dropped to the lower level.  

                "So how was your talk?"  Cordelia whispered quietly in Angel's ear in an attempt to keep Spike from overhearing.  

                "About as good as last time," Angel said and shook his head. 

                "You can't expect him to jump into your arms, Angel.  I mean you two kind of hate each other and he has always had your shadow hanging over him."  Cordelia said and handed him the blanket she had had over her arm.  "Come on I've got the car out front and I figured we could go and talk to Kirk.  With this little attack it seems we might have a little more info for him."  

                Angel sighed and glanced toward the bodies of the demons.  "Let's take one of them with us.  It was weird how he was talking.  Its voice was different, not exactly normal."  

                "As I recall, they never really were too normal."  Cordelia glanced at them and back at Angel.  "Of course we're the judge for that."  She started to say more but Angel cut her off.  

                "I've had enough of those little snippy comments to last me a life time."  Angel looked shortly at the entrance to Spikes lower crypt and shook his head.  "Maybe Kirk can do a spell on one of the bodies; see if there was a spell on it or something.  As I recall they don't have very accurate memories as far things go.  Their behavior was just weird."  

                Cordelia snorted.  "Fine, but you get to carry.  I'll make sure your body is all covered but you get demon carrying privileges, and not to mention the fact that you'll be cleaning out the car this time."  

                Angel smiled.  "Only the best for you sweetie."  

                Cordelia rolled her eyes.  "So do you want one on each shoulder or are you going to carry them one under each arm."   

~~~~~~~~~~~~``````

                "She'll fall into my trap."  The nameless demon said and smiled lazily at the fledgling Vampire.  "You have served me well."  

                The fledgling, Amace smiled but inside he screamed. Even if Amace never new his real name he knew what he was to be called, a bastard.  It was ridiculous; he wanted to curse the son of a bitch that had ruined his unlife but there were no words for it.  It had stolen his life, or unlife, from him with false promises of some sort of salvation and he had fallen in without a second thought.  He had brought thousands of followers to his master in a loyal fashion, briefing them and turning them over before they were turned back into the world unconscious followers.  He was one of those brainless fools.  The only difference between him and them was that he knew it.   

                "But I know you hate me."  

                His brown clad head shot up and he gave the master a fearful look and almost fell to his knees in order to beg forgiveness, but something told him it was no use.  He merely stood his eyes wide waiting for his death like a small animal caught in the headlights of a car.  

                "And fear me."  It continued its dark black eyes flashing in the dim light.  "Your fear will bind you to me and when you fail me I'll know, and I'll kill you."  

                "I know."  The brown headed-fledgling murmured his eyes never meeting the demon's.  He was considered the master's right hand man.  He was feared and respected like he had never thought possible, but the freedoms he should come with being a vampire were null.  He hunted when given permission and here he hunted in fear.  Somewhere with in the shadows of the once witch protected Sunnydale the Slayer lurked.  No matter how much dark energy floated from the hell mouth a curse was settled on the town, one that hadn't been lifted for over a hundred years.  

                "You have more news for me."  The demon said almost impatiently.  "I wait for it."  

                "A vampire by the name of Spike has returned to town."  Amace started cautiously.  "Used to be William the Bloody, he killed two slayers, until...he..."  

                The demon narrowed his eyes at his stuttered minion before he finally opened them wide and almost laughed.  It was ludicrous.  "He fell in love with the Slayer," the demon said evenly, "how poetically sickening."  

                "He's back and we fear he still works for 'them'."  Amace swallowed hard.  "He needs to be taken care of."  

                The demon narrowed his eyes again trying to see an illusive future surrounding the Vampire.  He wanted to know if he was a threat or not, but the future was clouded with a thick mist that refused to be lifted.  That rarely ever happened.  "Find him, kill him."  I don't think he'll be much of a threat.  "His alliance lay with his deceased Slayer.  He had no reason to carry on in that manor, he has no soul." 

                Amace was about to say more but didn't.  He had also heard of the former Angelus coming to town, but he figured the news would be handled much the same way.  Angel was slightly a different case, but just as easy to kill.  He died when staked just like every other Vampire.  The fact that he'd been alive for nearly four hundred years was of little consequence to him.  The master knew best and if he didn't stop questioning the orders he was going to get himself staked or something far worse by his 'savior'.  He turned on his heel slowly and headed for the exit of the abandoned building and back into the night.  He still had work to do before the Friday.  In two days Sunnydale would be theirs and he would be at the top, or at least close to it.  He may have lost his freedom but all the resentment and anger did nothing to quell the happiness over his new found respect.

                It was daylight out, not exactly the best time to send demons searching for something, but he didn't want to put it off incase the traitor-vampire decided to cause some trouble.  He stepped into the darkened lobby of the building to find a few demons milling around.  One of them was a Mathen demon, strong and quite smart.  He had a mostly humanoid look to him except for snake-like eyes and skinned ridges running down the side of his face and down his back.  It looked agitated as it paced the halls probably waiting to talk to him, or his master.  If it was the second it wasn't going to happen the Master rarely saw anyone.  Thinking about it for a moment he realized that the Mathen would be perfect for this new little project.  He could go out during the day and aside from his cunning nature he was strong.  

                "You!"  Amace called as he stalked across the warehouse in an intimidating swagger.  

                The humanoid demon looked up his eyes narrowed in a slight perturbed expression.  A snarl like smile came to his lips and he met the high ranking Vampire half way.  His expression, this close, was anything but pleased.  The demon made a deep growling sound in his throat and blinked his slitted eyes.  

                "What has this done to me?  I feel different."  The demon demanded angrily.  He clenched his fist and looked as though he was going to punch Amace, but something was holding him back.

                Amace almost laughed so he wasn't the only one that felt it, that was good to know at least.  He wasn't alone in knowing the misery they had all subjected themselves to.  "So you feel it do it.  You feel the loss of your free will.  You know you're a slave."  

                The demon growled, but still did nothing to fight.  "I can't, all I want to do is please him.  My mind screams for it and no matter what I do I can't fight it.  It's anguish."  His face softened for a moment.  "The calls I can't ignore him."  

                "Most can't feel it."  Amace admitted.  "I know because I work closely with him, I know what he is doing."  

                "Yet you still comply."  The demon asked.  

                "I can fight it no more than you can.  I hate him, he knows it, but he keeps be around because he knows I fear him and no matter how much I want him dead I want to please him more.  He holds my essence and there's nothing I can do to escape him."  

                "You must help me."  The demon begged suddenly.  "If I do not help him I will go crazy.  The hunger is only greater because I know what it is that ails me."  

                Amace smiled.  "I have a mission for you as it is.  The master wants a certain someone dead, a demon that refuses to fall into the ranks with us.  He works for the slayer, he's a threat."  

                "Tell me who."  The Mathen demon demanded.  

                "They call him Spike.  He's a bleached blond vamp.  He's holed up somewhere in the Southside Cemetery.  The master wants him dust.  Bring me his ashes when he's gone and I'll make sure the master puts you in his ranks."  

                The demons eyes flashed with the joy of a new task to diminish the insatiable thirst that burned within him.  "I will do it and I will serve the master because, like you said, no matter how much I want him dead I want to please him more."  The demon turned to leave and Amace watched him for a moment before calling to him. 

                "Take back up.  I have a feeling he won't go easily."  

~~~~~~~~```````

                     Spike was jarred awake with the slamming of his door for the third time in the span of a day and a half.  He growled and rolled over hoping that it was Angel and he'd trip and fall on something wooden and pointy ending his sire's pathetic little life quickly.  His headache was less and his didn't feel nearly as much nausea as he had last time he'd woken up.  His hangover was fading but slowly.  Sliding off the bed and to his feet he heard the stomping getting louder as it neared the cover over the lower level of the crypt.  There were spurts of brief angry talk overhead as they stomped around his dwelling.  Spike listened to the steps.  It sounded like there were at least five of them.  One of them was speaking Terian...  Spike got to his feet quietly and pulled on his shoes.  The Mathen's voice trailed off and was replaced by the thick lumbering speech of the Fyral demon.  

                'Great.'  Spike mused angrily.  'Fyral Demon.'  They were known for brawn not brains and they followed the orders of those who paid them appropriately religiously.  Spike growled under his breath and wondered what a Mathen and a couple of Fyral lackey's were doing in his crypt.  Terian rarely if ever called for help from anything let alone as widely used help as Fyral's.  They preferred help with brains.  

                "Don't see him."  A Fyral said loudly overhead.  "He is not here."  

                "Don't be so quick."  The Mathen said in halting Fyral.  "I think I hear something.  I know he's here.  He was spotted early by a couple of vampires that nest near here."  

                Spike frowned and turned grabbed his jacket off the back of one the chairs and crept across the floor hoping he could make it into the sewer tunnels and a good distance away before they discovered the lower level of the crypt.  He paused for a moment looking over his shoulder at his bag of stuff.  He wondered briefly if they would mess with any of it.  In the small pocket on the side he had a few very special photos.  Most of them were dog-eared and worn, but in basically good condition.  A couple of them were from a very long time ago, the time before he was turned.  He didn't have much of Buffy and Dawn and even the rest of his life, some of which he didn't like to remember but he still didn't want to loose it.  Visibly annoyed with his inability to leave the bag he stalked quietly across the room.  Just as he picked up his bag and flung it over his shoulder and across his back he heard the tell tale scrap of the level cover as it was pushed out of the way and scraped across the stone floor overhead.  

                "Room below," one of the Fyral demons said his voice louder echoing through the lower level.  

                Spike hissed and cussed without saying anything his jaw set in firm annoyance.  He moved quickly across the crypt and positioned himself underneath the lower level entrance and into the shadow hoping to the catch the Fyral off guard putting him at less of a disadvantage.  He didn't have anything to fight with, most of his scant furniture had been taken, pawned off and probably a long time ago and what was left was old and hardly stable.  Spike rolled his neck slightly as he caught sight of the thick skin and clawed feet of the first feral.  Not waiting for him to become all the way visible Spike morphed into gameface and grabbed hold of the Fyral's leg and yanked him the rest of the way into the lower level.

                "There's something down there."  The Mathen shouted overhead.  "Get down there."  

                Spike grabbed the foot of the stunned demon and dragged him directly under the hole.  Within seconds the second demon tumbled through and onto the ground as he hit his friend and fell over.  The demon tumbled backward and hit the wall, but he wasn't stunned as the first one was.  Spike balled up his fist and hit the horned demon in the jaw trying to push it backward.  A deep growl came from the demon's throat he jumped forward and knocked Spikes body to the ground.  

                While the two of them rolled exchanging hurtful punches and kicks the rest of the demons and the Terian jumped through the whole and joined the fray.  Spike looked up as he rolled his legs up underneath his body and kicked outward knocked the demon away from him momentarily.  One of his eyes was already swollen shut and stinging painfully as he tried to focus on the Mathen that was obviously the brains of the operation.  He wondered briefly if they would tell him why they were trying to kill him.  The you-work-for-the-slayer-you-traitor excuse had run out a long time ago.  He wasn't really a threat to anyone, well unless he wanted to be.    

                To his surprise the Mathen didn't say a word but nodded to the other demons.  Spike watched stoically as the Fyral he had been fighting got to its feet and backed into the shadows behind the Mathen.  Spike was confused if the Mathen could the others to do the job then why did he want the privilege.  Had he done something to royally brass of this particular demon?  He couldn't really remember.  

                Wincing slightly with a sharp pain in his rib cage Spike scrambled to his feet still keeping a smirk on his lips and addressed the Mathen.  "Well mate, looks like we've got a little problem here."  Spike said smiling.  "It seems you want me for something.  Why not just ask?  Saves a lot on the pain."  

                The Mathen's face was blank as he looked at the vampire.  He spoke swiftly in English, the words coming more quickly then they had in Fyral.  "We don't want information, we want you dead."  Mathen said his voice betraying little to no emotion.  "Nothing personal."  

                "Well I consider it right personal.  You know you trying to kill me and all. You can't get more personal than that."  Spike said backing up a little.  "Had to bring the entire posy didn't you.  Couldn't' do it all on your own."  

                The Mathen growled but still refused to speak.  He looked like he was about to pounce when one of the Fyral's began to speak rapidly.  "My essence is his.  I'll do anything.  He..."  His words trailed off abruptly and the demon's eyes rolled back in it's head.  With in seconds it began to shake violently and thick foam ran down its chin and dripped to the floor. 

                The entire episode vaguely reminded Spike of the two demons that had died in his crypt earlier; maybe Angel really hadn't done anything to it after all.  As the demons were momentarily distracted by the Feral Spike turned and ran quietly from the crypt and dropped into the sewers.  Spike could already hear them coming after him, but hoped that somehow he knew the sewers better than they did.  He didn't really know where he was going, but he had to find a place to hide until nightfall.  

**So how you likes?**


	9. Family

**Relive**

By: Peanutbutter

**Chapter 9 'Family'**

Angel stared at the computer his head cocked to the side, like a dog who had heard something strange.  "Hmm."  He started thoughtfully but didn't make an attempt to touch the computer just yet.  

            "It's not going to bite you."  Cordelia said from behind him and leaned over his shoulder and laughed in his ear.  "Don't be such a technology scardy cat."  

            "It's just..."  Angel trailed off.  "Weird."  

            "Please."  Cordelia rolled her eyes.  "A vampire afraid to use a phone is weird."  

            "That's not a phone."  Angel protested and waved his hand.  "A phone is hooked to a cord sending messages through power lines.  This is, this is a..."  He trailed off.  "It's just weird."  

            "Whatever.  You're going to have to get over this stupid fear eventually."  Cordelia said indignantly.  "I may not be around forever."  With that said Cordelia stepped around her wayward husband and up to the machine.  Calmly she placed her hand in the gel pad and watched her fingers sink into the gel like substance before a voice rang in the silence.  "Cordelia Chase.  Who do you want to call?"  

            "Michael Wade."  Cordelia said loudly and waited while the machine hummed and the gel released Cordelia's hand.  She pulled it out completely clean and turned to look at Angel.  "Was that so hard?"  

            Angel started to defend himself when a voice came over the speaker and a picture appeared on the small screen.  It was a young man resembling Angel a great deal more than genetics, over so many generations, should allow.  "Hey there Aunt Cordelia." He smiled happily and craned his head as if looking at something behind her.  "Is that Uncle Angel over there?"  

            Cordelia nodded.  "Yeah, he's still scared to use one of these."  

            "What, I, I mean what if your hand gets sucked into the gel stuff and you can't get it out?"  Angel said stepping in front of Cordelia to see his great, great, something or another grandson.  To Angel's surprise the youth laughed at him.  

            "That can't happen."  He said stopping his laughter when Angel glared at him.  "It just a way to identify you.  I mean otherwise you'd have to use phonebooks and the like.  This way you enter one person and automatically you have all the phones linked to them.  I mean do you really even know my phone number."  

            "556-8976." Angel said with some pride. 

            "Well as soon as you find pay phone you use it."  Michael said rolling his eyes slightly.  "Where you guys at? I mean I was expecting you two here yesterday, you know for the big family reunion."  

            Cordelia frowned.  "That's why we called Michael.  We can't make it."  

            "Why not?"  He asked his face falling considerably.  "I mean if we can't tease you two about how much you haven't aged or astound the kids when we tell them you're both well over two hundred years old?"  

            "Hey!"  Cordelia protested.  "I'm not two hundred yet.  Angel's the old one, not me."  

            "Sure," Angel mumbled beside her, "and a few hundred years makes a huge difference when you've passed a hundred and sixty and still look to be about 26."  

            "Damn right."  Cordelia said and turned back to Michael.  "I'm really sorry Michael.  This is the only chance we get to see everyone and we don't want to miss it."  

            "You guys really know how to ruin a surprise."  Michael said off handedly.  "I guess I'll tell you since you want be here.  This isn't just us getting together, but I invited the Summer's end, not to mention Gunn, Pryce.  They're all coming, and I was hoping you guys could get Spike to make an appearance."  

            Angel scowled.  "How long was this supposed to last, and where for that matter is it being held.  That's a lot of people."  

            Michael smiled lazily and shrugged.  "Well I kinda rented out the Hyperion."  

            "What!"  Angel and Cordelia said in unison. 

            "Sorry."  Michael said, "But I didn't think you'd mind I mean, hey, its family."  

            Angel shook his head when the thought of his home for so many years and how it would very likely be trashed.  "Michael."  He said calmly.

            "Yeah?" 

            "How long are they staying there?"  He asked again.  

            "Um we planned it for about two weeks.  You know lots of families you need a lot of time to meet everyone."  Michael said smiling.  

            "Since I can't be there," Angel started.  "You're staying there with them."

            "Huh?"  Michael started to protest, "but Angela was coming up to...and."  He looked at Angel's unyielding face and frowned.  "Fine.  Have it your way, but if you guys can't make it for at least a few days I'm holding you two responsible for ruining it."  

            "Just make sure they don't trash my house."  Angel said.  

            "Oh and keep them out of our room."  Cordelia said quickly.  

            Michael nodded and paused for a moment.  "One more thing.  I mentioned Spike.  Have you guys seen him?  I mean last time I talked to his family they hadn't seen him in years."  

            "He's here," Angel said shortly, "in Sunnydale."  

            "Oh."  Michael paused.  "It's that time already."  

            "Yeah."  Angel said guardedly.  "I don't think he'll be making it either, but thanks anyway."  

            Michael was silent for a moment before he spoke again.  "All right.  I'll talk to you guys later." 

            Within seconds his face was gone from the screen and Angel and Cordelia were left with each other.  "Well that kinda sucks."  Cordelia said unhappily.  "Or wait we would have to keep them all happy and clean up when they left."  

            "Yeah," Angel agreed.  "This was the PTB way of doing us a favor."  

            "You're right throwing an apocalypse our way is just like them."  Cordelia agreed.  "Come on.  We have to get to Kirks and Alisa's pronto."  

            Angel pulled a blanket over his head and stepped out of the shadow with Cordelia and sprinted for their car.  

~~~~~`  

            Kirk was jarred from his silent work when the door was slammed open and a slightly smoking Angel and Cordelia burst through it pushing it shut violently.  He watched as the Vampire removed the cloak and smoothed his clothes absently.  

            "So what's up?"  Cordelia asked and walked the rest of the way into the room.  

            Kirk looked up slowly and rubbed his eyes.  "Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I can't find one thing on the reasons why Alisa's here.  I beginning to think this was a mistake."  

            "No."  Angel said quickly.  "Not possible.  Cordelia had the vision and Spike's here to boot.  It's part of something.  Whoever it is we're after..."  Angel trailed off and picked up a stack of papers.  

            "See not everyone is into the technological advancement.  I mean Kirk, a Watcher, is still using print outs."  

            "Well actually those are the original copies of texts sent over viva transportation fax.  So it's not all technology free."  

            "Hmm."  Angel protested and sunk down at the table.  "Whatever."  He fingered the papers absently and shuffled through them.  "So where is the slayer?"

            "Sleeping," Kirk said his voice trailing off abruptly from it's normal to business tone.  "She wakes during the night."  

            Angel looked intently at the watcher wondering vaguely just how much he cared for his slayer.  "Is it dreams?"  

            "I don't know.  She doesn't tell me."  Kirk mumbled absently.  "I just know that she's awake at all hours of the night.  I don't sleep quite as heavily as she thinks."  

            "You should ask her."  Cordelia said.  "She may be having those prophetic dreams Buffy used to all the time."  

            Kirk shook his head.  "She'd tell me.  I told her how important every little detail of those dreams were.  I told her they could mean the difference between life and death."  

            Angel shrugged.  "Let's hope she believes you.  If I remember Slayers correctly they tend to be a little stubborn."  

            Kirk shook his head.  "Yeah it's not the half of it."  He trailed off and went back to his laptop.  "I don't know what to do sometimes.  I feel like she's hiding things from me and I think she's disconnecting from life.  She seems more distant.  I don't know how to pull her back."  

~~~~~``

            Alisa listened to them absently and went back to her bed.  She really didn't want to deal with Angel and the rest of the crazy crew he had brought along.  Especially if Angel made Kirk talk about her.  So they thought she was disconnecting.  They thought she was falling away from the world.  Well the truth was she never really was part of this world.  She'd never had a real family she'd never had a normal life.  Walking across her room Alisa opened the door and slipped outside.  She grabbed hold of the top of the roof she swung herself onto the roof.  Sighing she positioned herself with her hands wrapped around her knees and let the morning warmth of the sun bathe her body.  She closed her eyes and just lived in the morning.  Like this she didn't have to think about anything.  

            Or at least she shouldn't have to.  Even as she exhaled deeply she thought of Dawn, the sister of Buffy Summers the slayer who'd managed to make not one but two vampires fall in love with her.  The girl was strong, stronger than she would ever be.  Dawn wasn't a slayer she didn't have super powers and somehow she was greater than Alisa would ever be.  How could she ever be like Buffy or her sister?  Alisa didn't think that she would have done the same things if she had been in their positions.  

            Sighing deeply, she looked at the ground just over the roof of the next house.  She could make out a slight scuffle.  She narrowed her eyes considerably trying to piece it together from this distance.  There appeared to be at least four no five demons against one...she narrowed her eyes again and saw the human features of the one they were beating up.  Hoping to her feet, Alisa jumped from the apartment roof and landed lightly on the building below her.  She took a moment to gather her wits before lowing herself to the ground where the scuffle was taking place.  The human was curled in a tight ball as the demons kicked him repeatedly until one picked him up and was about to snap his neck.  Alisa jumped forward and knocked the victim out of the demons clawed hands.  

            "Sorry to break up the fun."  Alisa said and started to fight.  She had never faced so many demons at once.  She was horribly outnumbered and the guy the demons had been beating up was starting to smoke.  Just as she was thinking about how strange it was that he was starting to smoke she remembered that bleached blond head and the black leather duster.  It was him, that drunken vampire.  It was Spike.  Here she was a vampire slayer defending a vampire.  

            The more human looking vampire with ridges running down his face and down his spine snarled when he got a hit on her and she barely flinched.  "Slayer."  He spat hatefully and backed away.  "Why do you defend him?  He is a vampire."  The demon smirked slowly and blinked it's snake eyes as Alisa snapped the neck of one of the Fyral demons.  "What business of yours is it if I kill him?"  

            Alisa shook her head not really thinking of a good answer and tossed one of the Fyral's she had continued to fight at the humanoid demon.  He jumped out of the way easily and darted down the street toward the sewers.  Alisa sighed in relief and turned toward the beaten lump that was now Spike.  He wasn't really moving, but he wasn't dust either so she guessed he would live.  She crossed the street stepping over two unconscious demons and kneeled at his side.  She hauled him up and into the shade.  His eyes blue eyes opened for a moment glazed with pain and slight delusion.  He blinked once then twice one of his hands ran up to the side of her face tracing her cheek.  

            "Buffy?"  He asked before his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out.  

            Alisa groaned and huddled against the wall.  She carried him back to her apartment carefully to keep the light sensitive vampire out of harm's way.  He must have been really out of it if he thought that she was Buffy.  It didn't take her long to get back to her apartment but Spike was a little burned when she finally reached her door and shoved it open.  Once inside she dropped him unceremoniously on the floor and looked around breathing hard.  

            "Spike?"  She heard Angel asked as he turned around in his chair.  "What happened?"  

            "Found some demons beating the shit out of him."  Alisa said shrugging.  "I thought he was human before I realized it was him.  So I saved him anyway.  Figured you'd be pissed if I let him turn to dust."  She looked down as he rolled over and groaned.  

            "Help me get him up."  Angel barked over his shoulder at Cordelia and together both of them hauled him to his feet.  "Can I put him down somewhere?"  Angel asked Kirk.

            "Yeah."  Kirk said shaking his head.  "Um my room second door, just uh let me shut the curtains."  Kirk jumped from his seat and jogged toward the room pulling the shades shut and yanking the curtains around the windows.  Angel and Cordelia followed him shortly and dropped Spike on the Watcher's unmade bed.  The vampire looked horrible his face swollen and bleeding and his lips were moving rapidly.  

            "Cordy can you get me some of that blood back at the hotel."  He pulled her close and whispered in her ear, "The human blood, Cordy."  He kissed her cheek and smiled at her as she nodded and left the apartment swiftly.  

            "He'll be all right."  Angel said firmly.  "He just needs to rest."  Moving to his side Angel slipped the limp bag still around his shoulder off of him and set it on the floor.  Next he removed the vampires prized leather duster.  The boots followed shortly after and Angel pulled the blankets around the unconscious blonde.  

            "Why do you even bother?  I though you said you hated him."  Alisa asked from the doorway when Kirk had left to get something to put over Spike's more gaping wounds.  

            "I never said I hated him.  I just said he was hard to get along with.  After all he's family."  Angel said softly.  "I could never just let him die."  

            "Family?"  Alisa whispered under her breath and turned to leave.  Angel followed her out and they shut the door on the sleeping vamp.  


	10. chapter 10

**Relive**

By: Peanutbutter

**Chapter 10**

~~~~~~~~``

_"Get up Spike."  _

_Spike moaned and rolled over his body still hurt and he wanted to sleep a little bit longer.  He mumbled incoherently, rolled to his side, and curled back up his eyes shutting.  _

_            "I Spike I said get up!"  _

_            The next thing Spike felt was the toe of a very sharp leather boot hitting him the gut and sinking into his flesh.  Spike's eyes flew open and he caught sight of the slayer glaring down at him.  "Bloody fucking hell luv that hurt," He snarled and wrapped his arms around his stomach and moaned.  "I just got the shit beat out of me and you decided it wasn't enough damage."  He groaned and rolled onto all fours still holding his aching abdomen.  _

_            "Listen I'm sorry but I had to get you up and since this is completely your fault I considered it only fair to get my licks in."  Buffy said and smiled cockily her head tilted to the side.  Her smile slid from her face quickly though as she crossed her arms over her chest and sank back onto the small cot just behind her.  _

_            'Cot?'  Spike thought.  Something wasn't right.  Where the hell where they?  "What's going on, Slayer?"  Spiked asked and got to his knees breathing deeply out of habit and stood.  "Where the hell are we?"  Spike looked around and noticed they were in some sort of dungeon the walls were all made of what looked like mid century stone placed together by hand and the floor was littered with straw.  The only piece of furniture was the shabby cot pushed against the wall that Buffy was now sitting on.  _

_            "What you don't remember?"  She asked incredulously.  "They must have hit you really hard in the head."  _

_            "Who?"  Spike asked completely confused.  _

_            "Those um...Atche...no athe...um...it doesn't matter you know what they are."  Buffy waved her hand and started again anyway.  "Those whatevers were in your crypt when we stopped by after patrol last night and you insisted on having a good fight instead of leaving."  _

_            Spike frowned, "Since when are you afraid of a few demons?"_

_            "A few!"  Her voice rose and she stood all the way up.  "A few!  There were ten of them and all of them were over eight feet tall.  They were hunched up against you ceiling, you moron and you couldn't let them take a few things without going ballistic."  _

_            "Why didn't they kill us?"  Spike asked ignoring her anger for a moment.  _

_            "Hell if I know.  They knocked you out pretty quickly and apparently they did a real good job because you don't remember a thing."  Buffy pouted and sank back on the cot.  "There's no telling what they're up to."  _

_            "Did they say anything?"  Spike asked as he sank down beside her.  _

_            "No, well yeah but I don't speak A...ah whatever it is.  All I know is that we're some hundred feet below the surface and probably the main course of some huge banquet."  _

_            "I doubt that sweetie."  Spike said mockingly and sat down beside her.  _

_            "Why's that?"  _

_            "Well us, demons, rarely play with our food."  He smiled and winked at Buffy, "Most of us anyway."  _

_            Buffy gasped and balled up her fist and slammed it into his nose knocking him backward.  "Pig!"  She yelled and watched as he tumbled over the side of the cot his head hitting the wall.  Buffy's face hovering over his was the last thing he saw before his world went black.  _

_            Buffy cursed as she pulled him from in-between the cot and the wall.  He was out cold.  "Oops." She said aloud and positioned him laying long ways on the cot.  His feet just barely reached the end of it and his arms hung off either side.  Buffy pushed his arms on either side of the bed and looked at the back of his head where he'd struck the wall.  There was a large knot on the back of his head slightly purple with bruising.  She really hadn't meant to knock him out.  He'd just pissed her off like he usually did.  He just didn't seem to be able to keep his mouth shut.  _

_            She ran her hand over his forehead pushing his curled blond locks out of his face and smiled slightly.  He really was kinda cute when he wasn't talking.  If only he were like that more often.  Sighing she continued to run her hand through his hair in a comforting manner and wondered how they would get out of this.  That is if Spike ever managed to wake up.  _

_            Buffy sighed and watched the stone wall in front of her hoping that she would hear something that suggested they were getting out, or that at least they hadn't forgotten about them, but none came and Buffy found her eyes slipping shut as she started to fall asleep.  She almost fell from her perch three times before she glanced down at Spike, he was still sleeping.  She rubbed his cheek for a moment.  He probably wouldn't wake up the rest of the night and she was tired.  Throwing all caution to the wind Buffy slipped onto the narrow cot beside him and cuddled up with her back to his chest.  _

_            To her surprise one of his arms snaked around her waist and pulled her tightly against him.  He growled in her ear in contentment.  "Never would let me sleep with you luv."  Spike said lazily and pulled her closer.  "Always ran off before I could hold you."  He tightened his hold when he felt her stiffen.  "Won't try anything I swear sides we're both tired and after you almost put me in a bloody coma I'm not sleeping on the floor."  _

_            Buffy didn't say anything but relaxed against his hold.  They always had the worse timing imaginable, but she had to admit that this was probably the only time she would willingly let him hold her when she slept.  They had broken it off, it was over.  Besides he was right neither one of them wanted to sleep on the floor.  She felt her eyes slip closed just before he whispered lightly in her ear.  _

_            "I love you Buffy."  She hardly felt the chaste kiss he placed on her neck.  "I won't let anything happen to you.  I swear."  _

_            With the promise still ringing in her ears Buffy drifted off and behind her so did Spike.  _

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```_

Spike turned in his sleep violently pushing the sheet from his body and twisted them around his jean clad legs.  "Buffy."  He whispered heatedly his head turning from side to side.  "No."  He whispered and fell silent again.  

            "What's wrong with him?"  Alisa asked Cordelia who had come back with the blood.  Angel and Kirk had gone back to the crypt to look for clues.  They had refused to let her come explaining that whoever it was after Spike and he need her protection.  

            "Nothing," Cordelia said and placed the warm mug of blood on the table beside the bed.  "He always sleeps like this."  

            "It looks like he's having nightmares," Alisa shuddered thinking of her own sleepless nights.

            "Dawn used to tell me..." Cordelia paused, "You remember that's Buffy's sister right."  Alisa nodded and Cordelia continued.  "Well like I was saying Dawn used to tell me that Spike used to sleep like the dead, silent and unmoving, especially when he was with Buffy."  Cordelia sighed when he shifted violently his arm flying to the side.  "It was after her death, I talking to Dawn after Spike had returned after a two year absence and stayed with her and her husband, that he started this.  She told me she was worried about him.  She said he cried and screamed in his sleep.  He would call their names.  She said it scared her something fierce, but the first time she'd mentioned it Spike had told her he'd leave.  Dawn told me she never mentioned it again and when he asked if he had screamed she would tell him no even though he had."  

            Alisa swallowed.  "Why is he so stuck in the past?"  She asked quietly not quite sure if it was her place to ask.  

            "I don't know."  Cordelia said slowly.  "I really don't know."  

            Both women watched as Spike calmed enough to where Cordelia could bring the cup to his lips.  He drank hungrily against the cup and Cordelia pulled away an empty mug smiling.  "That ought to speed up his healing."  

~~~~~~~~~~```````

            _Spike woke slowly and groggily.  His head felt thick and heavy.  Moaning lightly he thought he felt like he had a hangover, but it was different more clouded.  Spike pulled Buffy closer to him and buried his face in her hair inhaling her scent.  He had wanted to wake up this way, well sans the headache; so many times, it was crazy.  And now here he was waking up with the slayer in his arms in a damp room on a tiny cot where they would probably face their doom.  Geez it was perfect.  _

_            Buffy mumbled in her sleep and rolled over in his hold her face now against his chest.  Her breath warmed his chilled skin and her hands brushed against his chest lightly making a shiver run down his spin.  Her face was relaxed and her light hair framing her face perfectly.  Spike ran his hand lightly down her shirt covered arm and watched her.  _

_            "Buffy."  He whispered his voice barely audible.  "If you'd ever let me love you..."  His voice trailed off as he watched her breathe.  "I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep without you.  Not after I held you."  He closed his eyes trying to memorize the moment.  In place of the cot and damp walls he put Buffy's bed and walls because the day Buffy let him into her bed was the day she stayed, or let him stay.  Just as Buffy's eyes were fluttering open a loud bang reached them from outside the prison door.  _

_            Buffy jumped and sat up pulling herself out of Spike's embrace.  He let her go without protest.  He knew that she would never be his.  "What was that?"  She asked. "Has anyone been in here?"  She scrambled from the cot and to her feet.  _

_            Spike rubbed his eyes and the back of his head.  "Don't know slayer.  I can't bloody well see through stone walls I'm sure they'll make themselves known soon enough."  He got to his feet shakily.  He was kinda hungry and a little drained.  _

_            "Buffy, Buffy you in here?"  _

_            Buffy went to the door and peeked out the tiny window.  _"_Xander is that you?"  Buffy asked urgently and tugged on the bars, unable to budge them.  _

_            "Buffy where are you at?"  __Willow__ called afterward.  _

_            Spike frowned, even though he was glad to actually be getting out of the dungeon, he wasn't looking forward to starving, and the slayer would go back to treating him like she didn't like him.  He hated that.  Shoving his hands in his pockets he tried to look as indifferent as possible as Buffy turned to look at him excitedly before she answered them.  _

_            "Down here guys!  I'm in here."  She stuck her hand out of the door and waved frantically hoping that they could see her in the dank establishment.  _

_            "I see your arm Buff."  Xander said his voice a lot closer.  "We're almost there."  _

_            "Looks like we won't be starving after all," Buffy said grinning.  _

_            Spike shrugged.  "I always could have snacked on you if the need had arisen."  _

_            "Thanks."  Buffy snorted just as the door was pried open and __Willow__ and Xander flooded in.  "How did you find us?"  Buffy asked.  "I didn't think anyone even saw us."  _

_            "Oh so, Spike is with you?  I was hoping he was scattered across the cemetery."  Xander huffed, faking disappointment.  _

_            "Thanks Harris, really I didn't know you cared."  Spike reached into the pocket of his duster and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.  He patted the bottom for a moment before pulling one out and lighting it up.  _

_            "Well lucky for you those demons pulled you just past the street where Anya and I happened to be heading back from the movies.  We followed you here and barged in."  He smiled.  "__Tara__ cast a spell on them, they're all sleeping.  So let's go before they wake up."  _

_            Buffy grinned.  "Right," Without even a glance back at Spike she followed Xander out the door. _

_            Spike sauntered after her even though he didn't really want to.  Buffy would ignore him, insult him and ultimately piss him off, but at least it was something a small amount of attention.  After all he had gotten to hold her the other night.  For those few brief hours she had been his.  _

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~``````_

            "Buffy?"  Spike asked his eyes fluttering as he slowly came awake.  "Buffy luv is that you?"  He asked his eyes never opening.  He smelled the air for a moment and smiled, Vanilla.  It was her.  "Come to bed luv, hard to sleep with you so far away."  Spike smiled and reached out but there was nothing.  "Luv?"  He asked and opened his eyes.  

            There was a woman leaning over him.  He could smell the perfume better now it wasn't vanilla, it was roses and the woman wasn't Buffy it was Cordelia.  He hated himself for doing that.  It had been bloody well over a hundred years and she should be out of his mind, but she wasn't.  She lingered and Spike, for whatever reason, refused to let her go.  He wanted to, sometimes, he wanted to push her away, but just like before he was unable to.  

            Spike squinted at the demon girl and frowned.  "Bloody hell," He complained and sat up feeling a bit woozy and rubbed his head.  "Don't you ever tell the poof I did that."  Spike said looking at her seriously.  

            "Why's that?" Cordelia asked.  "Afraid he'll beat you up for hitting on his girl?"

            "Hell no."  Spike snorted.  "If you told him then he'd have reason to call me pathetic and poof, peaches whatever."  

            "I don't think I've ever heard Angel call someone peaches."  Cordelia said seriously.  "I don't think I want to either."  

            "Yeah well it would be different with 'im.  He'd call me something odd…"  Spike snorted.  "Hell but I feel like shit.  How did you guys find me?  I mean that fyral was kicking the shit out of me the last I remember."  

            "Alisa saw you from the roof."  Cordelia told him.  "She saved you."  

            "Why?"  Spike asked.  "I know the little bitch doesn't like me."  

            "She thought you were human."  

            "That explains it.  So how long have I been out?"  

            "Not even an entire day, but I think it'll take a while to heal up.  They beat the 'bloody hell' out of you."  She smirked at her bad imitation of his accent and handed him the cup of blood she had been holding.  "Warmed it up for you."  

            "Thanks."  Spike held the cup and drank quickly.  

            "You were dreaming again."  

            Spike looked up searching the woman's eyes and frowned.  It had been a long time since he'd talked to her.  He hadn't said anything about his dreams since he'd lived with them and that had been over ten years ago.  "So I have," He said vaguely, "Nothing new."  

            "Was it still about her?"  

            Spike's frown deepened.  He didn't like to talk about it.  "Let's just say that you're not the first woman I've called Buffy."  

            "Ouch.  How do you expect to find a nice...uh bad girl when you keep calling them Buffy?"  Cordelia almost laughed.  "Not a good way to get a second date."  

            "More like a second shag."  Spike confirmed.  "I'm not much the relationship type.  I was with Dru for a century, Harmony when I was bloody well insane, and Buffy for far too short a time.  I don't fancy another trip.  I just use 'em for sex and tell 'em bye."  

            "Wow your gentlemanliness astounds me."  

            "You asked."  Spike defended.  "Besides there hasn't been many."  

            "Why do you still miss her so much Spike.  Why can't you let her go?"  

            "I don't know."  He handed her back the cup and shrugged.  "I...I couldn't get rid of her when I wanted so many years ago, but even when I want her gone she's the strongest.  Sometimes I just feel..."  Spike trailed off when the bedroom door opened and Angel sauntered in followed by a bookish looking fellow.  He wasn't wearing tweed, though he assumed the fashion had changed a bit since then, but he gave off an air that was just too much to mistake.  

            "So if it isn't my long last granddad and his watcher friend.  Now don't be shy Angelus come give your little boy a kiss."  Spike pursed his lips and smiled when Angel turned away disgusted.  

            "Don't call me that," Angel said steadily, "Reminds me of Drusilla."    

            "Always was an asshole," Spike said quickly, "Won't even give your kids a kiss 'ello."  Spike shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the watcher.  

            "Don't look much older than your slayer."  Spike commented.  "I don't reckon you stand a chance."  

            "Well, um..."  He sputtered for a moment unsure of what to say.  

            "Well spit it out watcher."  Spike rolled his eyes and turned to Cordelia.  "I don't remember Rupes bein' so stuttery."  

            "He's the vampire?"  Kirk asked cocking his head to the side.  "The one that's supposed to…"  

            Spike held the side of his head.  "What the hell, I'm not sitting around listening to this.  I'm leaving.  Thanks for the blood and the save, whatever."  He started to get up but as soon as he got to his feet he had to grab the side of the bed to keep standing.  He blinked for several seconds before recovering and glared at the occupants of the room as if they were the cause of all his pain.  

            "It's still daylight."  Angel said.  "And you have no way to get to cover."  

            Spike frowned and pushed past Angel and the Watcher and headed down the hall.  "Bloody hell."  He said loudly as he noticed the drawn curtains.  "I can't believe I'm stuck in here with your lot.  You're going to get me killed you know."  Spike growled and started to pace.  "As soon as those goons get word of me clocking time with the new slayer I'll have bounty hunters on my ass from here to Africa!"  He stopped his rant for a moment to glare at Angel who was watching him with a slight boredom to the watcher.  "I should just eat you and your slayer.  That would keep 'em off me."  Spike watched as Angel started to come off the wall, but Spike didn't stop.  "I'd rip your head from your body and drink from your neck.  I'd kill the girl slowly relishing in her pain, I'd..."  

            Spike didn't get to finish the rest of his threats when he was slammed backwards and into the counter.  He hardly had time to register that before he was moving again this time rolling across the carpet.  In seconds he was flat on his back with the young curly haired slayer sitting on his chest.  She had a stake in her hand and a frown on her small little face.  

            "Don't make me kill you, vampire."  She said her voice dropping a few keys as she glared at him.  "Don't you ever threaten him again!"  

            Spike shook his head trying to clear the haze that was falling over him.  Those demons really had done a number on him.  He glared back at the girl unable to forget who usually had him in this position.  Spike frowned.  "Why don't you do it Slayer?  Kill me.  Drive this stake through my heart and turn me to dust."  

            "I thought all vampires wanted to live longer."  Alisa said slowly. 

            "Things aren't always what they seem."  Spike whispered his voice dropping from its taunt for a moment and he closed his eyes.  

            Alisa knew those words.  Her dream.  He had said them to her in her dream.  She hesitated for a moment and it was just long enough for someone to grab her and haul her to her feet.  She turned her face red with anger to see Angel.  "What the hell."  She spat.  "He threatened my watcher, my family.  I don't let people who threaten me live."  

            "You need him."  Angel protested.  "You can't kill him."  

            "Oh let the girl give it a go."  Spike said pulling himself to his feet.  "I need a good brawl."  He bounced from foot to foot.  "I need another slayer to add to the list."  

            "Spike don't even think about it."  Angel growled.  "Just stop it."  

            "Stop what?"  Spike asked.  "Being me.  This is what I am Angel.  This is what I'll always be."  

            "It's not and you know it.  Buffy knew it, Buffy saw it."  Angel hung his head for a moment getting a far off look.  

            "Buffy's gone."  Spike said his voice falling so drastically it made everyone in the room look at him.  "Buffy's gone and doing things like that won't bring her back."  

            "I know you love her Spike..." Angel started.  

            Spike shook his head.  Not again, not here.  Growling he rushed forward and punched Angel in the jaw launching him into the wall.  He stalked down the small hallway to where the Slayer stood by her watcher.  Spike noticed the Watcher's protective stance and recognized it.  He loved the girl.  He could see it in the man's eyes.  He was willing to fight for her.  He was willing to die for her.  All the anger left his body in one huge sweep as his shoulders slumped.  It was too late though the Slayer's defenses were up and she punched him in the face and Spike sailed through the air and slammed into the kitchen table breaking it in half and sending paper flying through the air.  

            Spike watched her and laughed as he wiped the blood from his bottom lip.  "Got a little more fire to you than I thought," He sniggered and pulled himself to his feet as if nothing had happened.  "Not feeling so hot now, so I'm gonna catch the z's."  Spike walked around the stunned few and back into the room slamming the door behind him and locking it.  

            "Is he always like that?"  Kirk asked watching the door.  

            "Yes."  All three said in unison.  

            "He's a pain in the ass."  Angel volunteered.  "But from what I can tell me need him."  

            "He ever does that again and dream or no dream I'll kill him."  Alisa spat and turned to go before Kirk called after her.  

            "Dream?"  

            Alisa froze.  "I mean vision, whatever."  

            "Have you been dreaming, ones with him in it?"  Kirk asked his voice rising.  "Why didn't you tell me?  I told you not to ignore your dreams.  They mean the difference between life and death."  

            Alisa was defiant.  She stood her jaw set.  "I can take care of it Kirk.  It's nothing."  She shrugged and started to walk away, but Kirk grabbed her arm and pulled her back around.  

            "It is something, and I'm your watcher, you'll tell me."  Kirk glared at her half with anger and half with concern.  'Where they so bad?'  

            Alisa yanked away from him one last time and stalked toward the door.  She was gone before he could follow.  Kirk sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in worry.  "She tries to protect me.  She doesn't understand that I'm supposed to protect her."


	11. Promise Me

**Relive**

By: Peanutbutter

-thanks to the few people that are reviewing

**Chapter 11** 'Promise Me'

~~~~~~~~````

Spike waited until it was dark and snuck out the window and into the night.  The darkness enveloped him fully and he felt an odd chill racing up his spine.  He didn't fell cold and hot, or he wasn't supposed to but tonight he felt like he might freeze to death.  The sky was clear and the stars gleamed through the black/blue sky and onto his face.  He remembered the stars that night he had promised, the promise that he had almost not kept, the one that he was desperate to forget.  If only he had known how much his words would haunt him.  

            He'd left his stuff at the Watcher's house so they'd know he'd be back.  In that bag was all he had left his past, or at least the only bits and pieces that mattered.  He would be back for it, after all he had almost been killed over a couple of bent photos.  He wasn't just going to leave those precious mementos in the hands of a pissed and threatened slayer.  He just needed to get out.  He needed to visit Buffy's grave.  The first meeting had been interrupted because of said slayer and then it was his own sire, after that it had been Jack Daniels, Whiskey, and a bit of tequila.  Now though there was nothing to stop him not even the threat of the demons that seemed to have a hefty price on his head or the on coming apocalypse.  He'd been through more of those than he could count.  It was surprising how numb one could get to things like that.  

            His thoughts were sporadic, but this time the randomness was there for a reason.  He didn't want to think back on those nights that refused to leave him.  He didn't want to think back on his promise, the one he'd kept even if he hadn't wanted to.  Again his eyes strayed to the night sky as he entered the cemetery.  The stars slightly blurry, his eye was still a little swollen.  He didn't know who had done the worst the Slayer, with her one punch, or the gang of demons.  

            His combat style boot carried him to her grave, a dark granite headstone, that in his opinion was too plain for someone like her, but she had always wanted to be normal.  She didn't want to be a martyr; she didn't want to be the hero.  She wanted to have crushes and go to her prom, she wanted to graduate from college and have her parents cheer on her victory, but instead she had had prophecies and Watchers, late night patrols when she should have been at school dances, blood and gore, death and destruction, fear.  Her boyfriends were vampires and one initiative boy who couldn't take what she really was, the wanker. Life had never been fair for Buffy Summers, but then again she had loved her life.  So then again it's wasn't too plain, tombstone was fitting in its simplicity.  It was normal, plain and what she had always wanted.  

            Spike dropped to his knees in front of the stone and sighed heavily.  The motion made his broken ribs ache and he laid his hand across his chest savoring the pain.  The pain was real, physical pain he'd always understood, ignored, everything was a little harder.  If there was pain there was always a way to bring him back to his turgid reality, a way to make him realize that he was still standing, not breathing, but living, if only because he wasn't dust.  Without her he'd never felt alive, only as if he were dying slowly.  One the outside he was the ipitamy of youth, inside he was old, full of decay.  He sat cross legged in front of her grave and closed his eyes.  He imagined lithe form just in front of him an impish smile on her coral lips.  

            "Hey Slayer," he whispered heatedly and smiled.  "It's been a while."  He waited stupidly for an answer.  It had never come before, but he always had to see.  "I know you hate it when I just come by once a year, but look what happened to me this time."  He gestured toward his face.  "Not every one is as happy to see me as you are, luv."  

            Spike trailed off and picked at the grass around his feet looking so much younger than he was.  "I never really know what to tell you, pet.  So many things have happened since I was here last year.  Not all of them good I might add, but hey still human blood free.  It's been about eighty years now, but I don't like to count that brief period right after you death, s'not really fair.  I was grief stricken' couldn't help myself."  Spike sighed.  "So it's not an excuse," he shrugged, "sue me."  

            Spike fell into silence again and looked past her grave and up and into the sky.  It was so hard to talk to her.  Hard to pretend she was away when sometimes he felt her close enough to him to touch.  In his sleep she still lived, so how was it that she was so far away when he was awake?  She hung on him like…well honestly he didn't know anything that stuck like she continued to.  She was glued to what, his essence, his soul?  That was stupid.  He had no soul.  He had no regret…or at least…mostly he had no regret.

            Spike fell backwards into the grass and started to talk again, letting the grass cradle his fall.  It was cool against his skin a relief from the warm night air.  "There's a new slayer in Sunnydale now.  I know never thought I'd see that again either.  She's a really newbie, not trained, a little arrogant, and you know the best part," He paused as if waiting for an answer, "The bint's in love with her watcher, or at least he's got it for her.  I'm sure it's happened before but…"  He chuckled. "It's just that when I think Watcher I think Rupes' and well you and him that would be bloody hilarious."  

            As his laughs died down he fell into silence again.  

_            Buffy wrapped her hands around his neck pulling him flush against her body and molding her mouth to his in a desperate and hungry kiss.  His arms immediately snaked around her waist and one moved lower rubbing the small of her back before wrapping around her buttocks and pushing her hips into his growing erection.  A soft moan escaped her lips as she latched onto him with a renewed frenzy._

_            Their kisses became more heated as her leg wrapped around his calf behind his knee and pulled him closer.  Somewhere in their struggle to get closer to each other Spike slid his hand up her blouse and tickled the underside of her breast before cupping it fully and kneading it softly.  His mouth moved from her lips to her jaw before settling on her ear and sucking it gently between his teeth his tongue running over her lobe.  _

_            Buffy felt her body melting against his as she leaned into his mouth and kissed a line down his neck to his shoulder.  She bit the spot gently causing him to jump under her.  It still amazed her that after all these years he still wanted her like this, with such unadulterated, raw passion.  He still moaned when her hands made familiar paths down his body, as if it were the first time she'd touched him.  His eyes always held such a longing in them, like he was amazed that she was there, and to tell the truth so was she.  He hadn't left her, he was staying long haul and even if she kicked him out Buffy had a feeling he would camp outside her house night and day until she let him back in.   He was hers as fully as she was his.  _

_            His hand other hand began pushing at her top and lifted it over her head before depositing it on the ground.  She was too breathless to care where it landed.  His hands were on her in an instant running over her flushed skin worshiping it with nips, kisses, and cold caresses.  Buffy moaned and arched against him when he took her breast into his mouth.  _

_            Her hands were already running under his tight T-shirt pulling it from the waistband of his pants and over his head.  He detached himself from her just long enough to toss it to the side and give her a longer hungry passion filled look before jumping back on her.  Buffy fumbled with the belt buckle of his jeans and was almost breathless when she pulled the zipper down and Spike lowered them to the grass covered ground.  _

_~~~~`_

_            She was naked in the moonlight, feeling the cool breeze of a summer night running over her tingling skin and blowing her short wispy blond bangs into her eyes.  Her hands were wrapped tightly around the warmed body over hers as they both breathed heavily.  His face was buried in her neck and he still kissed and licked the tiny wounds he had made in her skin with his tongue.  Before she was ready he flipped them both over making Buffy yelp as her back was suddenly exposed to the night air. _

_            She slid down his side, his penis slipping out of her, and rested against his chest.  His hand was around her waist stroking her stomach right above her belly button.  His heavy breathing had stopped except for an occasional sigh of contentment.  She wasn't worried about being caught completely naked in the less populated side of the Sunnydale cemetery.  It was after all past __three o'clock__ in the morning.  _

_            "You're right that was a lot more fun than checking out the cemetery on the east side."  Buffy whispered against his skin and traced a pattern aimlessly on his chest.  _

_            "Sorry about that right here on the spot thing luv, but I can't help myself."  He growled deep in his throat and looked at her.  "You make me all horny when you fight."  _

_            "I think everything I do turns you on."  Buffy commented. "You're insatiable."_

_            "Speak for yourself, luv.  You're the one that reached her hand down my pants and grabbed…"  Buffy shut his mouth with a kiss and pulled away smiling.  _

_            "Shut up."  _

_            Spike had learned a long time ago that keeping his mouth shut got him a lot farther than keeping it open.  He contented himself with rubbing her skin and looking  at the stars.  They were beautiful this time of night, and especially out here.  There was far enough away from neighborhoods and street lamps from so their ethereal glow shown brightly across the darkened canvas of the sky.  _

_            "We're going to have to leave you know."  Buffy said after a while.  "I mean as much as I love lounging naked with you I don't think outside is the best place for it.  I mean the sun will be up soon and I don't want to cuddle with a pile of dust."  _

_            Spike was silent for a moment and almost serious.  "What would you do if I were a pile of dust?"  _

_            Buffy wrinkled her brow and Spike could feel her frown against his chest.  "Is this some sort of love insecurity question, because I don't know if I can deal with a vampire harboring the pressures of low self-esteem."  _

_            "I'm serious."  Spike said.  "You know I'm not going to live forever I just want to make sure that you'll move on.  You know find someone else."  _

_            Buffy sighed, her warm breath running over his cool skin.  "For that matter, what about when I die?  What will you do?  Will you live on? Will you live another hundred years without sun bathing?"  _

_            "Forget I asked."  Spike said suddenly and started to shift underneath her.  "We'd better go."  _

_            "You're planning on going sunbathing aren't you!"  Buffy accused.  "I know that face."  _

_            "What face?"  Spike asked exasperated.  "This conversation had nothing to do with me.  I was just asking a question.  You've got to bloody turn everything around on me."  _

_            "Whoa."  Buffy pushed Spike back into the grass and straddled his waist.  _

_            Normally Spike would have been very turned on by this.  Her naked body spread out before him, free to touch, to taste… His thoughts began to become slightly wilder and his excitement that he thought was quelled began to rise quite literally underneath her lithe body.  Spike reached his hands out to running them up her stomach in an attempt to reach her breasts but she grabbed his wrists and pushed the needy fingers away.  _

_            "Nope, not until Spikey answers the question," Buffy grinned impishly and ground down making Spike groan.  _

_            "What's with you Slayer?"  Spike asked and growled in frustration.  "Let me go."  _

_            "Just curious, I want to know what you would do.  I want to know."  She was serious her expression hard and unmoving.  _

_            "I'm with you for life Buffy.  I'll be by your side until you die.  I'll protect you and everything around you.  Even if you leave me for someone else I'll watch over you and your children.  I won't let anything happen to them, but when you're gone I'm gone too."  Spike looked away from her and back at the stars.  He wondered vaguely if they really had spoken to Drusilla all those years ago.  Did the heavens, the stars hold secrets?  _

_            "What do you mean 'gone'?"  Buffy asked.  _

_            Spike sighed and narrowed his eyes at her.  She knew what he meant why was she making him say it.  "You changed me Buffy made me what I am without you there's nothing left.  I'd be dust without you."  _

_            "No," Buffy said shaking her head, "you're wrong.  There's so much to you Spike.  You made me feel alive.  You brought me back.  You're the man I never thought I would have."  _

_            "I'm not a man and when you die.  I die to."  Spike was serious as he looked at her and she released his hands letting hers rest on his chest.  _

_            She squeezed them into fists and looked down at him with tears in her eyes.  "I love you Spike and I'll never leave you for someone else, and when you die I'll go on living because that's what you taught me.  You taught me to live Spike, to feel.  To feel passion, and hate, and devotion, loyalty, you taught me to feel love.  A love so all consuming and encompassing that it burns me every time I'm with you.  I've loved before but never like this, never with so much trust, never with so much abandon.  I give you everything."  _

_            "Like I give you." Spike whispered.  "You have all of me."  _

_            "No, without me you're still Spike!  Now promise me you'll live without me Spike.  Promise me.  I'm not taking you with me.  I'm not going to be responsible for your death.  Tell me you'll live for me."  Buffy said desperately.  _

_            Spike was speechless as he looked at her eyes full of tears and her face so scared and worried.  He loved her for that, for worrying for him.  She wanted him, a soulless creature, to live.  The thing that stunned him most was the trust she had in him.  "You're not afraid of what I'll become after you die?" _

_            "I know what you are."  Buffy said her voice a whisper as she lowered her face just inches from his.  "You're Spike, a demon, a man, and my lover.  You'll do what you do because that's what you are and I love what you are."  _

_            Spike closed the space between them and caught her lips with his in a short chaste kiss.  "I love you Buffy."  Spike felt his chest well with love and devotion as he kissed her.  He took her again under the stars sealing the promise with their union.  She trusted him, it was the only thing he'd ever wanted from her.  Trust meant love and he would make sure she hadn't made a mistake.  _

_~~~~~~~~~```` **one year after Buffy's death Spike is without the chip**_

_            He'd finally gotten it out.  His skull was free of that 'bit of plastic webbing out nasty blue shocks' as Drusilla had called it.  He was no longer fangless but with plenty of fang actually.  He was angry and ready to introduce the world to the new and improved Spike.  He was bad, he was evil, and he was back.  Taking a swaggering step down the darkened streets of __San Diego__, __California__ Spike headed for a near by club he had been scoping out for a month now.  It was time to be what he was meant to be. It was time for him to feed.  _

_            The inside was dark and smoky with the music at the perfect volume to suppress a scream.  Man, he loved the age of rock 'n' roll it had been so hard to do this discreetly when music consisted of soft violin solos.  Those screams never went over well, but in places like this were there was hardly enough room to breathe, it was perfect.  People screamed in here all the time; it was part of the atmosphere and now he was as well.  It had been a long time since he'd done this, a long time since he had tried, but it didn't matter it was what he was.  He'd feel right again when he succumbed to what he was, a monster.  _

_            Spike slipped into the pulsing crowd of glowing sticks and sweat slicked bodies to find a spot on the bar to stand at.  He ordered a few vodka shots and drank them quickly before scanning the crowd more seriously.  He wanted someone easy.  His trained eyes ran over the crowd of jumping males and females before his sites locked on a petite blond leaning against the far wall.  She was talking to a couple of other chicks at her side, but she seemed to be very much with out a date.  The skirt she was wearing was tight enough to leave very little to question and the midriff top showed off her toned stomach and her glinting belly button ring.   _

_            "Easy." He mumbled as he fell into the crowd pushing his way threw sometimes giving the ones in the way a shove harder than really necessary.  There was no pain associated with these hits and Spike found himself smiling when he finally stopped in front to the blond.  She had smoky gray eyes and full pouty lips.  Her hair was just to her shoulders, nearly platinum but obviously fake in color.  It wasn't as light as his, but it was on the way there.  She gave him a positively feminine smile when he pushed his way in front of her..  _

_            "Hi." She said smiling and looking him over.  _

_            "'ello kitten."  Spike addressed deepening his accent for more of an effect.  "Wanna dance?"_

_            "Sure thing Blondie."  She quipped throwing in her own nick name.  _

_            Spike was pleased when she fell against him grinding against his front in time with the music.  She looped her arms around his neck and sent him a completely wanton expression.  She was almost going to be too easy.  Spike smiled down at her and grabbed her roughly around the waist pulling her flush against his chest.  She melted against his frame; smiling coyly at him her mouth curving upward with appreciation as she felt him pressing against her thigh.  _

_            "Someone's a little excited."  She mumbled in his ear.  "Do you wanna go?  Have a little fun?"  _

_            "What's your name pet?"  Spike asked his eyes trained on hers.  _

_            "Doesn't matter, I'm not looking for names I just want a little cock action and you seem willing enough."  She grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and dragged him through the crowd.  _

_            This girl deserved to die Spike thought.  She was willing to fuck anythingy with a cock.  She didn't seem to realize that there were people, no, no, things like him running around.  She weaved through the crowd easily and shouted a short goodbye to her wall buddies before pulling him out the door and into the alley.  Once they were outside Spike grabbed her roughly and tossed her against the wall before attacking her mouth.  She didn't taste good, like old whiskey and cheap perfume, but that wasn't what he was interested in he wanted her blood.  _

_            "Don't, uh, you want to go somewhere, ahh, softer." She moaned as Spike's hands roamed over her body and under her shirt.  _

_            "No, here suits me just fine."  Spike whispered and pulled back so she could see his demon face.  Her smoky eyes widened and her face twisted in panic as she started to pull away from him.  Spike could smell the fear and adrenaline pumping through her veins as she struggled to live.  This was supposed to sweeten his want.  It was supposed to thrill him but all it did was make a wave of nausea sweep over him and settle in the pit of his stomach.  He wanted to drop her and back away, but he wouldn't let himself.  He reached upward and put a hand over her screaming mouth and pulled her further into the shadows.  _

_            When he finally looked at her again there were tears streaming down her cheeks and she was coughing as her breath refused to leave her throat.  Her mascara had made long black tracks down her face and the sexuality she had been oozing moments ago was replaced by fear.  She had turned into a pleading child.  _

_            "Pleeease…" She chocked as Spike continued to look at her unable to do anything.  "Please don't kill me."  _

_            Spike didn't say anything but watched her struggle.  He tried to focus on the blood rushing through her veins he tried to focus on the kill, but her pleas and words kept worming their way into his mind.  They were tearing at him.  _

"You're not afraid of what I'll become after you die?"

"I know what you are.  You're Spike, a demon, a man, and my lover.  You'll do what you do because that's what you are and I love what you are."  

_            "No, you're dead."  Spike shook his head trying to ignore her words the trust she'd held in him.  "You can't control me."  _

_            "Please let me go.  Pleeeasee (choke) I don't want to die."  _

_            Spike looked back down at the withering blond and stiffened.  He was a monster and Buffy had never meant anything to him, nothing, because none of this hurt.  He didn't morn her.  He didn't think about her.  He was a killer.  He killed things and he was going to kill this girl.  Spike snarled viciously and ripped savagely into her neck.  The first drops of her warm metallic blood ran down his throat quickly.  Spike felt sick.  Screaming in rage, Spike pulled away from her, blood still dripping from his lips.  He turned to his side and spit viciously.  _

_            "Run, you stupid bint before I change my mind!"  Spike shoved her against the wall and snarled again.  She was shaking and still crying as if she were paralyzed.  "Did you not hear me run!"_

_            That was all the prompting she needed before she took off in the other direction.  One of her earrings had been ripped off during the struggle.  Spike bent down mournfully and wrapped his fist around the gaudy piece of blue plastic and fake silver.  Spike wiped the remaining blood from his lips.  He didn't notice the tears that were pooling in his eyes until he turned down the alley and started walking again.  He had to leave.  He had to get out of this place.  He had to try again.  _

_            Spike watched the back of his seventh victim run out of the alley and into the street, screaming monster and resembling a lunatic.  It was the seventh person he'd let escape his grasp. It was the fifth one he had actually tasted.  This time he had almost done it, but instead of getting easier, it had just gotten harder.  Every person had a story.  Every one of them had a life, a will, and want to live. He hadn't been able to end those stories and it was driving him as insane.  _

_            After the blond he'd groped, kissed, and let go he hadn't been discriminate.  He'd tried men, woman, teenagers, blonds, brunettes, red heads.  He'd almost bitten people with brown eyes, piercings, with glasses, without.  He had tried all of them and each time he'd felt worse.  He was enraged and wanted to smash something, to break someone.  The man he'd just let go had ranted about a family and children he'd tried to show Spike pictures of his kids.  Spike had bitten him anyway and this time had almost drained the man to the point of unconsciousness but it had been too much and he'd let the man go.  The blood that was supposed to stay inside him ran up his throat and danced out of his mouth splattering all over the ground.   The dark red stain of the man's blood was still there.  He stared at it absently for a moment and shuddered.  _

_            "What's wrong with me?  What the soddin' hell is wrong with me?"  He roared his question at the alley wall..  "I try to be rid of you, but I can't.  I don't love you!  You hear me!  I don't love you or Dawn or the fucking hell the rest of them!  I don't because then…" His sentence trailed off but he finished it in his head.  'because then I would care, and if I care it hurts too much...'  _

_            Spike screamed again going wild as he thought of it.  His fists flew hitting whatever he could reach trashcans were knocked over and trash was strewn across the cement.  His yellow eyes fell on the dark blue garbage bin and he stalked to it and picked it up as if it weighed nothing and tossed it into the wall.  It hit the brick with a load bang and bent awkwardly before falling to the ground.  The brick where the bin had hit was cracked..  Spike was still seething with rage and kicked a trashcan lid across the ground and watched it skid to a stop on the opposite wall.  _

_            "I don't love you!  I don't love them."  Spike cried and slammed his balled fists into the brick wall and didn't notice that his skin had split or the pain that came with it.  "I don't love anything! I don't feel love, I don't feel guilt, I don't feel this pain..I…"  His words trailed off as he fell to his knees cradling his fists in his lap.  "I…I don't know what to do with out you."  Spike sobbed his voice breaking as he clenched his fists trying to make the pain dull out the emotional pain coursing through his system.  He wasn't supposed to feel this, and he didn't know how to deal with it.  "Please, please come back to me, please don't leave me here, please don't leave here…"  _

_            He never realized how much his cries sounding like those of his victims.  In the destroyed alley he curled into a ball.  The sounds of his sobs echoed off the brick and back to his ears.   He hoped that daylight would find him.  He didn't want to be here anymore.  He was confused and no matter how much he wanted to deny it he loved them.  He loved her.   _

_            Spike woke to feel the oncoming of daylight making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.  He ignored the need to run and hide and stayed there his head fisted under his arms and wrapped in his black duster.  "Just let me die." He whispered trying to ignore his promise to Buffy.  "I can't do it.  There's nothing of me left."  _

_            He felt the first prickling of sunlight on his pale skin, warming it at first, but the warmth soon spread over his entire body making him shudder the pleasant sensation turned to pain, and he felt his skin starting to burn.  He could hear his hand, exposed to the sunlight, sizzling and crackling and he waited for the flames, he welcomed them.  "I'm sorry." He whispered._

_            "Sorry my ass!  Get up!"_

_            Spike knew that voice, but ignored it.  He waited for the end, sure the flames would appear on his body and crackle in his ears.  There was nothing, no heat, no burn, in fact his hand was beginning to cool.  Almost afraid he opened his eyes.  His hand was healing, the burnt skin knitting itself back together.  _

_            "I'm not letting you die!  I'm not letting you die like this!  You promised this is your one chance your freebie.  Don't do this to yourself.  Give in to what you are Spike and live.  Not for me but for yourself."_

_            "Slayer?" Spike croaked his throat feeling raw and burned.  He couldn't see her in fact the light was too bright making him squint before finally shutting his eyes completely.  "Please come back to me."  _

_"I'm gone Spike.  You know I'm gone.  You know I can't come back."_

_            "What's happened to me?"_

_            "You know what's happened."  _

_            Spike tried to open his eyes again, hoping to see her face but they felt as if they had weights attached to him.  "Stay with me until nightfall."  _

_            Here voice was soft nearly a whisper, "Always."  _

_            Spike felt fingers running over his flesh soothing him like a breathe of sweet air.  He felt her wrapping around him and he let a sigh of contentment leave his mouth.  He imagined her spooned against his chest with his arms wrapped around her middle.  He could almost feel her body against him.  In her presence the anger resided and he was left with only a lingering peace.  He didn't know how long he slept her body shielding him from the sun but he dreamed of her..  _

_            The crickets woke him.  Stirring him from his slumber he pulled Buffy closer to him finding his face nuzzled against her chest.  He grinned.  "I love you Buffy."  _

_            "I'll always love you, Spike."  _

_            Spike started up her chest his eyes still closed.  He felt a soft and cold whisper of a kiss on his lips and then his arms tightened on air and wrapped around his own chest.  His eyes opened slowly and he noticed that his surroundings had changed.  He was no longer in the alley but in an abandoned warehouse.  It was night, he could barely see the moonlight shining through a broken window, and he was alone.  _

            "I still remember how you saved me that day.  I just, I don't know.  I don't know what it was you were talking about."  Spike swallowed.  "I miss you so much pet.  I still dream about you.  It's been over a hundred years and I still can't get your face out of my mind.  That should tell you something."  Spike leaned over and rested his forehead on the tombstone.  "You want me to help them don't you."  There was no answer but Spike didn't need one.  Deep down pushed beneath most of his denial he wanted to help, not just for her but for himself.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~``````

            "He's gone."  Angel said pulling open the door and scanning the darkened room before flipping on the lights.  "He went out the window."  Angel growled and clenched his fists his anger getting the better of him before Cordelia touched him briefly and walked past him into the room.  She walked over to the bed and knelt down beside the mattress and picked up a black duffle bag.  

            "He wouldn't leave this."  Cordelia said with conviction.  "He's coming back." 

            "What makes you so sure?" Angel spat angry at himself for letting Spike get away and not being able to get through to him.  

            "Look what he's got in the pockets."  Cordelia said and reached into the front and pulled out a couple of dog-eared photos.  There were pictures of all of them packed away in the beaten black bag.  "He carries his life around in this bag.  All he has left of Buffy and Dawn and the rest of them are in this bag.  He wouldn't leave it."  

            "Right you are cheerleader."  Spike said as he climbed his body quaking with pain through the open window.  "But for future reference don't go pokin' through my stuff anymore."  He stumbled across the room and plucked the pictures from the woman's hand and pushed them back into his bag.  "Got to have a few things to myself."  

            Angel watched him for a moment feeling as if there was never enough he could say to his child.  He was always in so much pain, it wasn't right and it wasn't fair.  "Spike…about this thing with the slayer…"  

            Spike reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes.  Grimacing he pulled out a few sticks broken beyond repair before luck shined down on him and a intact fag fell into his palm.  Smiling, he stuck it in his mouth and lit it with his every trusty silver lighter.  "About that, mate, where do you suppose we start looking.  I mean if I'm supposed to help with this little charade I'd like to know what I'm supposed to do."  He turned his head slightly and gestured toward Cordelia indicating she hand him the mug that had once held his warmed blood in it.  She handed it over and Spike used it to drop the ashes in.  

            "What…I mean what changed your mind?"  Angel asked dumbfounded.  The boy never stopped surprising him.  Was it some sort of curse on his part?  Just when he thought he knew his childe he threw him for a loop.  "I mean you did a complete 180."  

            "No need for an explanation."  Spike said between puffs as he rubbed absently at his bruised ribs.  "I have been known to change my mind from time to time.  It's not a bloody big deal.  When I'm feelin' less on the dusty side of things we should talk to the Slayer, the Watcher and whoever, find out what the deal is."

            "You never stop surprising me."  Angel said shaking his head and backing away slowly.  "Since when are you corporative."

            "What can I say I'm like an onion."  Spike smiled at Angel's visibly confused expression.  

            "What, you make people cry?"  

            "No I have layers."  Spike said grinning.  "You remember that flick?  The animated one, you know with that kid from…"  He trailed off for a moment, "I can't remember it was a bloody long time ago but he did the voice for this big green demon thing."  

            "Oh I do!"  Cordelia said smiling.  "That was a long time ago.  It had that talking donkey in it!"  

            "Right, right and the short little Duke guy," Spike smiled and shot a look at Angel.  "At least the demon girl had a little culture back then."  

            Angel gave him a condescending look.  "I wasn't really into kiddy cartoons."  

            "Never knew what you were missing."  Spike smirked and fell silent again as if he were remembering something important.  "I'm bloody well tired though.  I still need to heal a bit.  Tell that watcher that he'll have his room back tomorrow, but right now I've got to go to sleep."  He dropped his cigarette in the mug and watched it smoke for a second before setting it on the beside table.  "Night all don't do anything I wouldn't when you get home."  

            "That's not much."  Cordelia snorted and got to her feet and leaned over Spike's head and gave him a quick peck on top of his head.  "I missed having you around."  She said softly.  

            "Bloody hell you make me feel like I'm two."  Spike said his voice not full of much venom.  "Both of you get the hell out before I start bawling or brawling.  I'm not quite sure which on it will be."

**Okay what do you think?**


	12. Dreams

**Relive**

By: Peanutbutter

  **Chapter**** 12** 'Dreams'

 "Alisa, wake up." Kirk pounded on her door for a moment and sighed heavily when there was no response.  She hadn't come out since the outburst the other day and the fight with Spike. 

            "I say you kick the bloody door in.  Almost did that once, with the nibblet, she was pitching a bloody awful fight."  Spike emerged from the watcher's room looking worse for wear.  His face was still swollen and he hitched slightly when he walked clutching his ribs. 

            "I see you're back to yourself."  Angel commented from the table.  They'd propped the broken end of the table on the edge of the sofa.

            "What are you doin' here peaches?  Thought you would have tottled on home with your lovely last night, but from the looks of it you slept on the couch."  Spike winked at Cordelia and plopped down in a chair beside his reluctant but some how closest friend. 

            "I didn't trust you alone with them."  Angel said bluntly. 

            "Good to know I still strike fear into the hearts of the living universe."  He snorted and looked around the room.  "So what's all this about anyway.  I don't know much, just that some guy is gathering followers and for some reason, and the loyalty, a little on the obsessive side."         

            "We don't know much more than that either."  Cordelia said slowly. 

            Spike raised a brow.  "I can't believe this.  I mean I thought you lot had a plan all worked out and to find out you know just as little as I do, great."  Spike turned his head and focused on the Watcher who was turning the doorknob trying to pry it open, without much success.  "Let me give it a go."  Spike said rising and striding with a slight limp toward the door. 

            Kirk stood in front of it a moment, reluctant to let him 'have a go' as he had put it.  He still didn't trust the unruly blond vampire.   At least he knew that Angel had a soul, what in the world was stopping this one from killing all of them, well, beside his sort of sire. 

"What are you going to do?"  Kirk asked not moving. 

            "Lots of guts, mate.  I hand it to you, not even a stutter, but it's not necessary.  I'm just going to pick the lock."  Spike smirked and kneeled in front of the door pushing the Watcher out of the way.  Spike reached into his pocket and felt around for a moment for turning around.  "Hey peaches, grab my coat will ya.  I've got some stuff in there I can use." 

            Angel glowered for a moment.  "Don't call me that."  He said before getting to his feet.  "I let it slide at first but…"  He trailed off most of his words incoherent mumblings before he stepped back into the room.  "Here."  He thrust the jacket at Spike and went back to the table. 

            "Thanks a ton….Peaches."  Spike added and sniggered.  Turning away from Angel he reached into the jacket of his coat and pulled out a few things he'd kept over the years in the lock picking area.  It wasn't too necessary now.  Most houses had plates with hand identification plates.  Those things were bloody near impossible to break into, not that he'd tried.  Stealing seemed a bit cliché now–a-days, or maybe it was a bit out of style.  Everyone had a security system or some such rot made thievery a very risky business.  Spike's thoughts trailed off for a moment as he thought of his current actions.  Breaking into a slayer's bedroom could most definitely be considered risky business.  He hadn't even dared do it to Buffy; of course her door had always been unlocked.  Before Spike's thoughts wandered any farther something popped and he looked back up at the watcher and smiled. 

            "All done, mate," He backed up, "but you do the opening.  I don't plan on getting all dusty just yet." 

            "Right," Kirk slipped in front of the vamp and pushed the unlocked door and stepped into the semi darkened room, the only light coming from the open window.  "Alisa?"  Kirk called and looked around the room for a moment trying to catch her form somewhere in the shadows.  "Lights," He said softly bathing the room in an artificial glow.  He blinked for a moment before realizing it was empty.  Sighing, he shut the door behind him went to the window.  He leaned his head into the cool morning air and looked up.  He could see to bare feet hanging over the edge of the roof.

            "Alisa, come down, or I'm going to come up there." 

            There was a moment of silence before she replied.  "You're not my father Kirk.  I don't have a father and I certainly don't want one." 

            "I'm your watcher, and I'm in charge of you."  Kirk said.  His was neck starting to feel stiff from looking upward, his body twisted at an odd angel.  

            "Great, good to know," Alisa started bitterly, "always thought I was in prison at least now I know you're my warden." 

            Kirk sighed, and started to climb out the window.  He stepped out on the ledge and grabbed hold of the roof, just to the left of her dangling legs and started to pull himself up.  It was a little bit of work, but he wasn't weak, he'd trained Alisa and acquired quite a few skills of his own while he was at it, and he made it up with minimal struggle.  He was breathing heavily when he finally managed to sit beside her.  She hadn't looked at him through his entire struggle, just staring hauntingly toward the horizon. 

            "I come up here when I want to think."  She said after a moment.    
            "I know," Kirk said, breathing heavily for a moment before gathering his jean clad legs underneath him and leaning on his knees.  "I don't think I have to worry about you falling, so I leave you alone." 

            "I don't trust them, especially Spike."  She shook her head but still refused to look at him.  "I read her diary, Dawn's, I read it." 

            "Really," Kirk said and raised an inquisitive brow. 

            "They trusted him, Spike.  She trusted him with her life, the slayer, Buffy, she trusted him with the life of her sister.  He almost died to save her, Dawn that is, and Buffy she did die.  She died to save the world."  Alisa's voice broke.  She regained her composure and started again.  "And you know what my first reaction to that was?" 

            Kirk didn't answer, but continued to watch her as she wrapped her arms around her knees and started to tremble. 

            "I think save the world, fuck the world, I wouldn't give my life for the worthless bastards that inhabit it.  My parents did give a fuck about me, nobody wanted me except the council, and hey, they want me to sacrifice my life to save the very people who damned me, and I don't owe them anything."  Alisa turned around her blue eyes full of bitter tears.  "I think that if I had been her, if I would have been Buffy, I would have run.  I think that I would have let the world be destroyed."  A sob escaped her throat.  "What kind of monster does that make me?  I don't trust them, Spike, Angel, and the demon girl but all of them have attempted to sacrifice themselves for the greater good and I, I'm too much of a coward to do the same.  Yet, they put faith in me, a seventeen year old who would throw them to the lions if it meant saving her own skin."  She fell silent her face contorting.  The pooling tears finally feel cascading down her cheeks in small rivers.  "Don't want…"  She started, "to loose you.  I can't…I..I..." 

            Kirk's heart was breaking at the sight of her.  He loved her with all his heart, and in that moment his chest ached with the pain she was feeling.  He had to do something, but he didn't know what to do.  He could tell her it wasn't true, but it wouldn't make a difference.  He watched her bathed in the light, he barely saw her in the daylight.  Her curly chocolate brown locks fell around her face in spiraling curls and her skin was red from shed tears and grief.  Her whole body shook.  Kirk reached for her, pulling her body toward him and tucking her head under his chin.  He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back rhythmically hoping that somehow he could take away her pain.

            Alisa fell into his embrace wanting to drown in his touch.  God, she loved him so much.  Cuddled against his chest, she felt the pressures of the world melt from her shoulders and for a few moments there was peace.  What would happen if she lost him?  She wouldn't be able to survive without him.  Unconsciously her arms snaked out and wrapped around his chest pulling him toward her as a fresh wave of tears ran down her cheeks.  She had to tell him no matter how much it hurt.  She had to tell him and then maybe he would tell her it wasn't true, that they would work it out, but right now she just wanted to be in his arms shielded from the world, a girl comforted in the arms of her lover.

            Alisa swallowed feeling like she was about to be interrogated.  All they needed was a light shining down on her head and a shadowy guy hiding in the corner.  Kirk took her hand caressing her palm with his fingers and smiling at her in reassurance.  "Tell us the dream."  Kirk said slowly and dropped her hand as he sat back in his chair and nodded in encouragement. 

            Alisa let her eyes flit over the occupants of the room taking in their expressions for a moment.  Angel and Cordelia both appeared very interested in what she had to say, but Spike seemed almost bored.  He was leaning back in his chair that was pushed against the wall, two of the chair legs off the floor and his head thrown back staring at the ceiling.  Every few seconds he would look to her and see she still wasn't talking and look back to the ceiling as if it could somehow be more interesting.  Alisa resisted the urge to look up, and focused on Kirk she swallowed and started to speak her eyes focusing on the spot behind him, as if she were watching the dream play in front of her. 

            "It always starts the same.  I feel sick, and can't see anything, my vision's all blurry.  I'm sweating and my stomach is killing me.  I think I'm going to throw up, but I don't.  I'm in some sort of cavern, cave type thing and the only weapon I have is a stake."  She lifted her hand as if gripping a stake and continued.  "I'm walking and I hear you calling me."  Alisa can't look at him as she says it.  "I hear you calling me, Kirk, you tell me to come to you, and I listen.  I'm begging you to help me, but you don't you just keep calling me.  I'm pleading by the time I reach you.  I drop my stake and you are still blurry.  I can't make out your features until you grab me."  Alisa shuddered inwardly.  "You grab me and I can tell it's not you.  Your, your voice is different and I can't pull away from you.  You tell me it's all right and then…you pull out a dagger and cut me."  Her voice was shaking and she refused to look at anyone.  "You drop me, and I can feel the blood pouring from my body, I feel myself dying.  Always, at this time, you come."  Alisa trailed off and swept past Kirk and looked directly at Spike.  "You're always there.  You tell me to things aren't always what they seem.  You put your hand on my stomach and try to stop the bleeding.  You comfort me."  She swallowed and turned from the vampire's surprised expression and back to the wall.  "Then I see him, or at least I see his eyes.  He looks at me unimpressed talking about how he's going to kill me and then I see him again, he's bathing in blood.  He pours buckets of it over his head smiling and beside him there is a body, and I know that she's been drained, that it's her blood he's bathing in.  Then it gets closer and I see her.  It's me.  I see my wide, dead, eyes.  He kills me every time."  She trailed off waiting for someone to speak. 

            "You should have told us earlier." 

            Alisa looked up and saw Kirk's caring eyes darkened with anger.  "You've risked your life by not telling me.  I could be what he uses to get to you.  I…you've been foolish and selfish.  I might be able to stop this if I'd known.  I'd be looking of it…I'd…"

            "Pull yourself away from me."  Alisa finished. 

            "Yes."  Kirk said getting to his feet and pacing the room in a very Spike like fashion.  "How could you do this?  I could have killed you.  If that happened, who would stop this?" 

            "I told you," Alisa sniffed, "I told you how I was.  I told you and I don't want to loose you." 

            Kirk looked at her for a moment as if he was about to soften before turning to others.  "Does any of this mean anything to you?" 

            "Well it explains why I saw Spike in the vision."  Cordelia said and turned to Angel.  "I don't know about the demon though.  I can't remember anything that would…"  She trailed off when she saw Angel's black and utterly horrified face.  "What?" 

            "I know who it is."  Angel said suddenly.  His face was somehow paler than usual.  "I…I mean when I was Angelus."  He frowned slightly as if trying to get his memory to corporate.  "It's hard for me to remember.  I was going…" 

            "You were going to call him here.  You were going to unleash unbelievable hell on earth with him.  I remember.  It was right before Acathala was discovered, right before Dru's vision.  You were looking for a way to torture the world; you were a right git for it.  Hell on earth is what you wanted, but I looked more toward the future.  You see if it were hell on earth what the bleedin' hell would I eat.  I'm not snaking on the god awful demon population." 

            "To the point," Kirk said impatiently. 

            "Right, I mean Angelus was looking for something to get the Slayer, which I was all for at the time and he came across this passage.  It talked about a demon that had the ability to put anyone under his control, mostly those of the demon variety and when he did they would serve him forever.  The problem was he was stuck in some sort of limbo in between worlds.  No one knew where so no one could let him out.  He was trapped there by witches or something." 

            "So how did he get out?"  Kirk asked. 

            Spike shook his head.  "No idea mate, but I would say we've got a problem on our hands.  I mean Angelus knew better than to try and find him.  He was never one to share.   The bloke can control anyone.  All he needs is to know them, to know what they're about and he can have them, own them."

            "It's like a thrall."  Angel said suddenly.  "An unbreakable one, once he has you it's impossible to break free."

            "How do we stop him?"  Alisa asked.  "Before, I mean before my dream comes true." 

            "You have to know him."  Angel said slowly.  "You have to know what he's made of you have to know his name, his purpose.  You have to be in his mind only then can you break him." 

            "Sounds a lot like you're former self."  Spike said not really smiling.  "I mean how you played mind games and everything." 

            "Yeah, right," Angel frowned and looked away from Spike.  "We're in trouble." 

            "Why I mean he hasn't finished yet, I mean if he's so all powerful why hasn't he finished us all off yet?"  Alisa asked.

            "He could.  He wants you first.  As soon as he kills you and word spreads.  He'll take over Sunnydale before they have time to call another Slayer, and by then he'll be too powerful to stop."  Kirk said slowly.  "Right?" 

            Angel nodded and Cordelia grabbed his hand squeezing it.  "Man the powers have been building up to this one, huh.  They just couldn't give us a couple of little ones of the years.  It had to be one huge one." 

            "Well the powers always were a couple of vindictive bastards."  Spike said.

            "So where do we start?"  Kirk asked more to himself than anyone else. 

            "Well, I don't mean to sound smug because believe me I wish this wasn't the case but I beginning to wonder just why it is this guy is after me.  I mean he purposefully seeks me out to kill me, and hell I'm in the Slayer's dreams."  Spike grumbled and tipped his balancing chair back onto four legs.

            The Watcher was silent for a moment before speaking, "Aside from your past history with the other Slayer I don't think there is anything that ties you into, this besides the dreams, and the bit of insight you seem to have on this demon.  I haven't been able to fully analyze the dreams.  Perhaps after a few more…" 

            "I've already told you everything.  Why do I have to do it again?"  Alisa asked her arms crossed defiantly over her chest. 

            "There are things that you miss especially when you're distracted by the more scary aspects of a vision.  Perhaps, with a little more analysis you'll be able to see something you didn't before."  Kirk said promptly before looking over Alicia's troubled expression and softening slightly from his role as watcher.  "Not now of course.  I mean we'll wait a while…" He trailed off and turned to Angel.  "What did you see in your visions? I mean what did you see about Spike?" 

            Cordelia swallowed, and shook her head.  "Well there wasn't a lot I mean I saw him fighting this demon; there was a lot of flashing…" 

            Angel gave her a sympathetic look before turning back to the watcher.  "The visions are never very clear, not at first anyway, but they are always true and if Cordy saw Spike helping then he needs to be here." 

            Kirk nodded, "I wasn't questioning, not really.  I was just wondering if you had any other insight."

            "If you're done I think I ought to do a patrol."  Alisa said, as she got to her feet uncomfortable at being the center of attention. 

            "We're coming with you."  Angel said quickly and got an affirmative nod from Cordelia. 

            "Don't think you're leavin' me here." Spike said as he watched the emotions flickering around in his sire's eyes.  "I'm looking for a little revenge." 

            "No," Angel said shortly, his voice not even wavering as his gaze turned away from Spike and back to Alicia.  "I think just a short sweep of the largest two cemeteries would be sufficient.  We can see if we find any talk about the demons that tried to do Spike in.  They were Fyrals and the Terian which I know isn't prone to seeking others to do their work.  Maybe a run by a couple of the demon bars would help." 

            Spike was slowly becoming furious.  Not only was he being ordered around like he was incapable of making his own decisions but he was being ignored.  "I'm not your child Angelus.  I never have been, even when you were slapping me around and sending me to my room two hundred years ago you soddin' pillock.  You can't keep me from goin' out.  I want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do and I'm not sittin' in here like a soddin' git while you and the girls go for a night on the town!"    

            Angel was surprisingly calm despite Spike sudden outburst and turned back to the bleached vampire and answered calmly.  "You're injured Spike.  You would be more trouble than help."

            "Little beat up, I admit," Spike said as he unconsciously rubbed his tapped ribs, "but still capable of lendin' a hand."

            "Right," Angel nodded slowly and before anyone realized what was happening Angel leaped across the table and punched Spike lightly in the side. 

            Spike crumpled to the floor clutching his side his brow furrowed in anger as he glared up at his sire.  "Bastard," he managed between puffs of air. 

            "I barely touched you Spike and you know it.  Some demon comes up behind you and gives you a little poke and you're going to be rolling on the ground more trouble than help and you know it."  Angel shook his head and extended his hand for Spike.

            Spike merely glowered at the older vampire and ignored the helping hand.  He rolled to all fours before struggling back to his feet.  He was feeling like a pounce and if he couldn't fight, he really wanted a, "fucking drink." 

            "No."  Angel said again. 

            Spike got to his feet feeling as if a bright white fire running up and down his spine and he wondered vaguely if Angelus had sent a wayward rib through an organ.  Given, it wouldn't kill him but it would hurt a hell of a lot until it healed.  "Like I said before not your child and well above the legal drinking age so I don't think you really have a say in the matter."

            "We've all seen you drunk Spike, and no one wants to see it again."  Angel shook his head and turned back to the others.  The watcher and the slayer were regarding him a little slack jawed and Cordelia was glaring at him.  He frowned, when he tried to catch Cordelia's eye and was denied.  Once again Spike had gotten him in the dog house and all he had been doing was saving the fool hearty vamp from getting everyone into trouble, not to mention hurting himself.  He was only worried. 

            "All right 'sire'," Spike sneered as he glowered at his Angel, "Whatever you say."  With that Spike stalked into the other room clutching his side and cussing. 

            As soon as the door was shut Cordelia got to her feet and stalked toward Angel.  Before he could say anything to his defense, she pulled her hand back and slapped him across the face.  Without another word she followed the path Spike had taken only stopped for a moment in the kitchen before heading back out with a bottle of vodka in one hand and Dry Gin in the other.

            "So I guess that means it's just the three of us for patrol," Alisa smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

            Angel glowered at her as he stalked toward the door growling a 'come on' before the three of them headed into the night. 

            Cordelia didn't bother knocking as she pushed the vamp's door open and stepped into the darkened room.  Spike was sitting in the middle of his bed his shirt in his hands the bruises of his recently lost fight visible even in the darkness that surrounded them.  She could tell he was angry, more angry than usual.  If their was anything Spike hated more than being called good it was being treated like he couldn't take care of himself.  He considered it pity and the only ones who had ever been able to comfort him, without protest, were Buffy and Dawn and they were gone. 

            "I hate him," Spike mumbled not looking up from were his eyes were riveted to his bedspread. 

            "He doesn't mean to be like that."  Cordelia said shaking her head.  "I think finally having as reason for still being here has gone straight to his head.  He has a tendency to act before he thinks."  

            "Yeah, well he's always been that way.  From the first time I met him, when I was freshly turned and trying my best to make my mark; he's done this to me." 

            "I do believe you're referring to Angelus."  Cordelia stated and leaned against the door effectively shutting it behind her. 

            "He's the same in either form, only when he's Angel he resists the urge to beat the shit out of me, most of the time."  Spike touched his side gingerly.  "I still hate him especially when he tries to understand me.  He's never wanted to before." 

            Cordelia shook her head.  There were so many issues swimming around in Spike's brain he was a walking psychological break through.  He had every insecurity imaginable in addition to a superiority complex.  He was a walking paradox.  "I brought you a drink." She waved the vodka and the gin making them slosh. 

            "Yeah could use a drink."  Spike reached his arm out and Cordelia handed him the Vodka and sat on the corner of the bed.  She tucked her feet underneath her body and smiled at him as she uncapped her bottle and took a swig.  She didn't make a face as the clear liquid burned its way down her throat.  She looked up to see Spike staring at her. 

            "Take that pretty good cheerleader.  Not even a face."  Spike grinned and took a swig of his own bottle. 

            "Yeah well so many years being alive and you get used to it." 

            Spike took another swig and smiled.  "Buffy used to get this little," he paused still smiling, "she'd wrinkled her nose up and make a 'yuck' noise." 

            Cordelia laughed as she took another burning sip.  She was about to say something else when she looked at the sullen expression on the vamp's face. 

            "I miss her."  He mumbled as he clasped the alcohol bottle loosely in his fingers.  "Everyday is worse and being here around the two of you and the…slayer.  I don't…"  He trailed off. 

            Cordelia didn't know what to do as she watched him break down; he warped in age as his face contorted in agony.  He looked so young.

            "I can't get her out of my head and I don't know why.  I don't want her gone, but every day is worse, every morning without her torture.  I don't want to be alive anymore."  He brought the bottle to his lips and began slurping heavily as he chugged most of the bottle without taking a moment to rest.  "I wouldn't," he mumbled, "if I hadn't promised." 

            "Oh Spike," Cordelia reached across the bed to try and comfort him, but he pulled away from her arms. 

            "Just get out.  I know you try, but I don't want anyone in here right now." 

            "I'm not leaving." Cordelia said firmly.  "Whether you want me here or not, I'm not going." 

            "Fine stay you stupid bitch, see if I give a fuck."  Spike mumbled and curled up on his side and let the few remaining gulps of vodka slide down his throat as he waited for her to give up and leave.  Unfortunately she didn't seem to be giving up any time soon. 

**Sorry there was no chapter last week.  That shouldn't happen again.**


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